Most of us strive for self-respect — to see ourselves in a positive light, to be 1 of
who we are. Any comments or experiences that undermine those feelings of self-worth can be
uncomfortable and it’s only 2 to want to avoid them. But the thing is, 3 your
self-worth really is being undermined is, to a large degree, subjective. Much of it comes down
to your 4 of what someone said or did.
When you take things personally, you’re interpreting these situations as saying something
significant and negative about you as a person. Say your boss picks holes in your sales report,
and you come away feeling like this means she thinks you’re a 5 member of staff. Or,
two of your friends cancel your 6 get-together at the pub and you interpret this as
meaning they’re bored of you. Psychologists have a 7 for this way of thinking:
personalisation.
But the 8 is that your boss might view you very highly. It’s just you made some
9 in the report and she wanted to point these out so that you do better next time. 10 , in
the case of your friends cancelling, perhaps the both felt unwell that weekend or they just
11 their minds.
In both 12 —and others that we all experience— there’s another 13 at work
that psychologists call mind reading. This is when you assume to know what other people are
thinking about you, when you can’t really know without 14 them directly.
One simple way to avoid 15 personalisation and mind reading is to challenge your negative assumptions of what’s 16 . When you find yourself taking a situation personally,
try to think of other interpretations that are less focused on you — especially in the sense of
saying anything deep or 17 about you. When you do this, it might help to try to put
yourself in other people’s shoes. The fact your boss took the time to give you 18 at all
means they care enough to want to help you 19 . When it comes to your
friends—maybe it’s because your friendship is so 20 that they felt able to cancel at late
notice.

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