小谢尔顿-S04E14_小谢尔顿

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Nobody else is stronger than I am

世上没人比我强壮

Yesterday I moved a mountain

昨天我移了一座山

I bet I could be your hero

我相信我能当你的英雄

I am a mighty little man

我是个了不起的小家伙

I am a mighty little man

我是个了不起的小家伙

I'm very much a creature of habit.

我算是个十分依习惯做事的人

Perhaps it's a trait I got from my father.

这个特质可能遗传自我父亲

Every night he would go through the mail

每天晚上他都会过一遍邮件

and every night like clockwork he would get very cranky.

他也每一晚都会因邮件而不爽

Damn bills. George.

-妈的账单又来了 -管好嘴

You'd think he'd get used to it

你可能会以为他早该习惯了

but night after night it upset him all over again.

但无论多少个夜晚这都能反复让他不爽

Jury duty Son of a...

去当陪审团吗我了个...

George.

管好嘴

It was complicated.

总之就是一言难尽

I didn't like seeing him upset

我不喜欢看到他不高兴的样子

but what can you do I love consistency.

但我又能如何呢我也喜欢一致性啊

IRS This can't be good.

国税局这肯定不是好事

Sure it can.

当然可以是好事

When is the IRS ever good

国税局什么时候有过好事了

Perhaps they're writing to congratulate me

或许是写信来夸奖我

on filing such a beautiful tax return.

报税报得如此完美无瑕呢

What's it say Okay. Not so bad.

-信上说了什么 -还好不算太糟

We owe four dollars and 22 cents.

我们得补交4块22

What

什么

That could've been worse.

还好不是什么太严重的事

Yeah tell me about it.

可不是嘛

Let me see that.

让我看看

I'm gonna wash up for dinner.

我先去梳洗好准备吃晚饭

You realize they're wrong. My return was flawless.

你们知道是他们搞错吧我报的退税绝对没问题

I It's four dollars. Forget it.

就4块钱而已别纠结了

But they're saying I made a mistake.

但他们这意思是说我报错了

You also got us a nice refund. You did a great job.

但你也帮我们成功退了很多税啊你做得很棒

I appreciated my mother's love

我很感激我妈妈对我的爱

but what a boy really craves

但一个男孩真正想要的是

is the unconditional approval of a government agency.

国家机构对他公正不阿的赞许

Yippee Ki Yay Mr. Falcon.

中大奖吧王乌龟

Wait who is Mr. Falcon

等等谁是王乌龟啊

No one.

谁都不是

Then why'd he say it

那他为什么这么说

Well in the real version he said a bad word

在电影版里他说的是脏话

but they had to change it for TV.

所以电视版就和谐了

TV is so lame.

电视也太垃圾了吧

What did he really say

那他真正说的是什么

That's so much better.

这个帅太多了

This movie works on a lot of levels.

这部电影各方面都超牛逼

Dad I reviewed the tax return and I was right.

爸我检查了退税单我没弄错

They're the ones who made the mistake.

他们才是算错的人

Uh What are you doing

你在干什么

Writing a check to the IRS.

给国税局开支票啊

But we don't owe them anything.

但我们又不欠他们任何一毛钱

They're claiming that I underreported our income

他们说我低报了家里的收入

but I can prove that they're wrong.

但我能证明是他们错了

It's not worth picking a fight with them over a few bucks.

为了几块钱跟他们斗可不是明智的选择

Just let me call them I can sort this out.

让我打给他们我能解决

Just drop it we don't want to get on their radar.

别纠结了我们可不想被盯上

But if you send that check

但如果你寄支票过去

it's like admitting I made a mistake when I didn't.

就等于承认我犯了错但我根本没错

Sheldon sometimes being right isn't the most important thing.

谢尔顿有时候对或错并不是最重要的事

I'm glad you feel that way because boy are you wrong.

幸好你这么觉得因为你可真是大错特错

We're done talking about this.

这件事到此为止

And there he goes wrong again.

他又再次犯了大错

I'll have the rib eye medium rare.

我要来一份肋眼牛排三分熟

And for you

那您呢

Uh just the house salad please.

请给我来一份招牌沙拉

Very good.

好的

House salad

招牌沙拉

You watching your figure

你不会是在减肥吧

I have a physical tomorrow.

我明天要体检

Oh so your plan is to start eating healthy now

所以你的计划就是今天开始健康饮食吗

Can't hurt.

不快也光

It ain't gonna undo 70 years of red meat and beer.

扭转不了70年来吃红肉喝啤酒的后果

I'm not trying to undo it

我没有想要扭转什么啊

I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.

我只是想要用生菜来粉饰太平

Son of a Mitch.

曹你爸

Melissa Cooper.

梅丽莎·库珀

What I said "Mitch."

干嘛我说的是"曹"

There's nothing wrong with that.

这个字又没有哪里有问题

But you meant another word.

但你的意思就是另一个字

不好意思你说的是哪个字呢

Just watch it.

你管好你的嘴

Hold on. So you're saying if I have a friend

等等所以如果我有朋友姓曹

whose dad's name is Mitch

哪天我要说他爸爸的事

I'm not allowed to talk about him

我不准跟他说"曹你爸怎么怎么了"吗

I know what you're doing.

我知道你是在玩哪招

Okay I just feel bad for my friend.

行吧我只是觉得叔叔好可怜啊

That poor son of a Mitch.

曹你爸好惨啊

Melissa Cooper.

梅丽莎·库珀

How's that salad It sucks.

-沙拉可还美味 -难吃到要命

How's your steak

你的牛排如何

You know how they overcook it sometimes so it's a little bit dry

你知道他们有时候会弄过熟害牛排有点干吗

Not this time. It's so good.

这次没有超完美

You know what else is good

你知道还有什么也超美味吗

This radish.

这个萝卜

Would you like some steak ‭ Yes.

-你想要吃一口牛排吗 -想

Then you probably should've ordered some.

那你之前就该老实点牛排

It's delicious.

超好吃

You are not a very nice lady.

最毒妇人心啊

Psst. Hey a kid.

醒醒孩子

Who is it

谁啊

It's me. The envelope with the IRS check.

是我装给国税局支票的信封

What do you want

你找我干嘛

You can't let him send me.

你不能让他把我寄出去啊

You didn't make a mistake.

你又没算错

Oh I know that but it's too late.

我知道啊但是已经来不及了

It's not. The check isn't due for 30 days.

还没啊这支票30天后才到期

所以呢

Just go in the kitchen and take me off the pile.

现在去厨房把我抽出来就行了啊

Buy yourself some time to straighten this out.

给自己争取一点平反的时间

But tampering with the mail is a federal offense.

但是对信件做手脚是会犯联邦法律的

I'm not mail yet. I'm not in the mailbox.

我还不是正式的信件我又不在邮筒里

That's the law.

法律就是这样

But what if my dad notices you're missing

如果我爸发现你不见了呢

Do it after he leaves for work. He'll never know.

等他去上班后再下手他绝对不会发现

That's brilliant.

高招啊

I'm not real so technically you thought of it.

我并不存在所以这妙计其实是你想出来的

That makes more sense.

这就合理多了

The next morning I patiently waited

隔天早上我耐心等候

for my father to leave for work.

我爸爸出门上班

Are you leaving for work

你要出门上班了吗

Yeah

是啊怎么

See you. Bye.

再见您慢走

Bye.

再见

I leapt into action.

我立刻出击

My heart was pounding.

我的心脏砰砰跳

I don't know what kind of bladder control professional spies have

不知道职业间谍他们的膀胱控制力有多强大

but this first timer needed to pee pronto.

但我这菜鸟可是要憋不住了

Now that I had prevented my dad from saying I made a mistake

在阻止我爸爸要令我蒙受的不白之冤后

it was time to get the IRS to admit theirs.

就到了让国税局承认错误的时候

IRS Agent Green speaking.

国税局我是税务师格林

Hello my name is Sheldon Cooper.

你好我叫谢尔顿·库珀

Forgive me for cutting right to the chase

请原谅我不多客套要直接进入正题

but I'm outside and my skin is incredibly fair.

我人在室外我又十分苍白不耐晒

Okay how can I help you

行有何能帮到你

You sent my family a bill saying we owe

你给我家人发了一封账单表示

an additional four dollars and 22 cents but you're mistaken.

我们得补交4块22 但你算错了

I filed a flawless return.

我报的退税绝对无懈可击

I'm sorry how old are you

抱歉你几岁啊

That seems irrelevant but I'm 11.

这问题无关紧要但我11岁

Your parents let an 11 year old file their federal tax return

你的父母让一个11岁小孩来报税吗

This year. Two years ago they let a nine year old do it.

今年是这样两年前他们让9岁孩子来报呢

Look these tax codes are complicated.

你听我说这些税码什么的很复杂

If you only made a four dollar mistake

如果你只弄错了4块钱

that's pretty impressive.

那可以说是非常厉害了

I didn't make a mistake at all. You did.

我完全没犯错是你犯错

Is that so Yes.

-是吗 -是的

But don't feel bad these tax codes are complicated.

但你别难过这些税码什么的很复杂

Okay I've got your file right here and uh

行我现在打开了你们的档案

looks like you underreported your income.

貌似你们低报了收入啊

Actually if you check under charitable donations

其实如果你看看慈善捐款那一栏

you'll notice that the money we made

你会发现我们车库拍卖的收入

at the garage sale did not count as taxable income

不能被算作应税所得

because we donated it to the church.

因为我们把所得全捐给教会了

Well I'll uh I'll have a look into that.

这样吗那我再去研究研究

In the future you might consider doing that

未来希望你能在发出信之前

before you send out the letter.

就做好详细研究

So how does this work

所以接下来是怎么样

Do you apologize now do I get it in writing

是你现在跟我道歉还是会寄来道歉函

It's no big deal.

又不是什么大事

It's a colonoscopy.

是结肠镜检查啊

So ‭So one of those words means "colon "

-所以呢 -这三个字的意思是"结肠"

and the other means "shoving a camera up it."

以及"把摄像头塞进去"

I'm surprised you need one.

我也挺"惊讶"会要你检查这个

Did you tell him about the salad

你有告诉他们你吃了沙拉吗

It's not funny.

别开玩笑了好吗

Stop being such a baby.

你能别像个婴儿一样吗

Something I have pushed out of my body. You can do this.

老娘婴儿都生过了你肯定能检查

Wait wait I got an idea.

等等我有个主意

Why don't we do it together

我们可以一起去做检查啊

What

什么

No. ‭Come on.

-我才不要 -来嘛

It'll be romantic.

这样很浪漫呢

You're weird.

你有病吧

What the hell

什么鬼

Why are we getting audited

我们为什么要接受审计

What Are you sure it doesn't say "applauded"

什么你确定不是我们要接受"夸奖"吗

Perhaps for a job well done

或许是要夸奖表现卓越

We're being audited for the last three years of our tax returns.

我们过去三年的退税要被审计

I don't get it.

我不懂了

I mailed in that check a week ago.

我一周前就把支票寄过去了

About that. I can explain.

我可以解释一下这件事

Sheldon ‭I just needed some time

-谢尔顿你说 -我需要一点时间

to prove there were no errors in my work.

去跟他们证明我没有犯任何错误

What did you do

你干了什么

I took the check before Mom mailed it. ‭What

-我抢在妈妈寄出前收走了支票 -什么

But I called the IRS and sorted things out.

但我打给国税局搞定一切了啊

Clearly you didn't.

很明显没搞定啊

I told you to let it go.

我跟你说了别去纠结

I'm sorry.

对不起

This could end up costing us a fortune.

到时候我们可能得补一大笔钱

I can fix it. No.

-我能解决 -不必

I'm gonna hire an accountant and have him handle it right.

我要去请一个专业会计来搞定这一切

But I want to help. You've helped enough.

-但我想帮忙 -你帮够多倒忙了

Go to your room.

回你房间反省

Yes sir.

遵命

I feel bad beating you like this after you bought me drinks.

你请我喝酒我还这么虐你真过意不去

Okay I tell you what. You want to make it more interesting

行你想来玩点刺激的吗

Sure. ‭Okay how about this

-好 -那这样吧

If I win you get a colonoscopy with me.

如果我赢了你陪我去做结肠镜

God are you still on this

天啊你还在想这件事啊

Come on why not

来嘛有什么不行的

'Cause I don't wanna.

因为老娘不想

Well I don't wanna either but my doctor said I got to.

我也不想啊但我的医生说我必须得做

Well my doctor didn't say nothing.

我的医生可什么都没说

When was the last time you saw him

你上次去找他是什么时候

I don't know it's been a while.

忘了有段时间了

Yeah well like "six months" a while

有段时间是指"半年"呢

"Watergate" a while ‭Drop it.

-还是水门事件呢 -别烦我了

Uh last time you saw him were they using leeches

你上一次见他的时候他还在用水蛭治病吗

I'm about to take this pool cue

我要拿这根球杆

and beat your doctor to the punch.

把你的医生打个花开富贵了

That long huh

看来是真的很久了啊

Look all I'm saying is you could use a checkup.

我就只是想说你去做个体检也没坏处

I feel fine. ‭Okay.

-我身体感觉好得很 -行

At your age there's nothing wrong with going in...

到你这把年纪去看个医生也...

I'm not going to the doctor so just...

我不要去看医生所以你...

mind your own business.

少跟我唧唧歪歪

Why didn't you eat with us

你为什么不跟我们一起吃晚饭

I'm not hungry. Dad's mad at me.

我不饿爸爸在生我气

Mom's not thrilled with me either.

妈妈也对我不满

Why

为什么

Mom made chicken

妈妈煮了鸡肉

and I said chickens cluck a lot

我说鸡经常咯咯叫

so they should be called "cluckers."

所以它们应该叫"咯咯鸡"

And some chickens are moms

而咯咯鸡都有妈妈

so you could call them "mother..." I don't care.

-所以可以叫它们"咯你妈" -我不在乎

Mom sure did.

老妈可在乎了

What did you do wrong

你做错什么了

I got Dad in trouble with the IRS.

我害爸爸惹上国税局的麻烦了

He has to hire an accountant

他得请个会计师

which could cost us a lot of money.

也许会让我们家损失一大笔钱

Dang makes me not want to have kids.

我去我彻底打消了生熊孩子的念头

Hello.

你好

Well hey.

你好啊

Well you missed it.

你错过了好戏

Some old broad went nuts over there

刚才有个老太婆在那边发飙

and threw her pool cue on the table.

把她的台球杆扔到桌上

She's crazy.

真是个疯婆子

Sorry.

对不起嘛

Well you're not a fan of doctors huh

你不喜欢医生对吧

They never have good news.

他们从来不会给你好消息

They just want to find something wrong.

只想找出毛病

It's kind of their job.

这算是他们的职责

If something's wrong with me

如果我有什么毛病

I don't want to know about it.

我可不想知道

That's dumb.

讳疾忌医很傻

No it's not.

才不是

If I'm gonna drop dead

如果我要挂了

I'd rather do it quick and leave lookin' good.

我宁可死得痛快留下美貌在人间

I want to live so long I start looking like a mummy.

我想活很久很久直到熬成千年老妖

You're off to a strong start.

你的开局不错

My husband went to the doctor.

我老公以前去看医生

And they found something.

他们发现有问题

Two days later he was in surgery.

两天后他就动手术了

Nine months later he was dead.

九个月后他就去世了

Geez.

老天

I don't want that.

我可不想那样

And I I don't want to put anybody else through that.

我也不想让任何人经历这种折磨

I'm sorry.

我很遗憾

I hope you stick around long enough

我希望你也能活得够久

to start looking like a mummy too.

熬成千年老妖

I always pictured myself more the Bride of Frankenstein type.

我倒自认是科学怪人的新娘那种类型

Well you got the hair for it.

你发型是跟她一样啦

So how's it look

情况看起来如何

Do I owe a lot of money I don't have a lot of money.

我欠很多钱吗我没钱的

I can see that.

我看得出来

Who did these

这报税是谁做的

Why

为什么问

Is it that bad

有这么糟吗

They're impeccable.

是无懈可击

Actually it was my son.

其实是我儿子做的

Well why don't you just use him for the audit

你为什么不直接叫他去应付审计

He's 11.

他才11岁

An 11 year old did these

这是11岁的孩子做的

Actually he might've been nine at the time.

事实上他当时可能只有9岁

I'm not good with birthdays.

生日这种事我记不太清

Hello.

你好

Playing with your trains

你在玩火车吗

I'm punishing myself by looking at them

我在惩罚自己只能看着

but not allowing myself to run them.

不准上手开车车

You don't have to punish yourself.

你不用惩罚自己啦

Because you'd rather do it That's fair.

因为你想亲自惩罚我吗这也公平

No.

不是啦

It's okay. I deserve it.

没关系是我罪有应得

Actually...

事实上

I want you to represent us at the audit.

我是想让你代表我们家接受审计

But I messed everything up.

但我把一切都搞砸了啊

You did.

确实

But I also know if anyone's smart enough

但我也知道要说有谁够聪明

to get us out of this you are.

能解救我们那一定是你

Why'd you change your mind

你为什么改变心意了

No reason.

没什么原因

What did the accountant say

会计师说了什么

Nothing.

没说什么

They said my returns were perfect didn't they

会计师说我的申报无可挑剔对吗

Play with your trains.

玩你的火车去

Why are you readin' the Bible

你为什么在读《圣经》啊

I felt bad about last night

昨晚的事我感到很内疚

so I thought it might be good for me.

所以想着看一下可能对我有帮助

Where are you going with this

你在打什么鬼主意

Nowhere I just want to make you happy.

没主意我只想让你开心

"And the man increased

"于是雅各变成

exceedingly and had much cattle

非常富有拥有很多羊群

and maidservants and menservants

男仆与女仆

and camels and asses." Okay. Stop.

-骆驼和驴" -好了停

What I'm just reading from Genesis.

怎么了我只是在读《创世纪》

Well cut it out. ‭ Fine.

-别读了 -好吧

Let's try Exodus.

那我来读读《出埃及记》

"And on the seventh day thou shalt rest

"但第七天你要休息

that thine ox and thine ass may rest."

在耕种和收割的时候也要休息"

That is it you are grounded.

够了你被禁足了

For reading the Bible

因为读《圣经》吗

The way you are doing it yes. Go to your room.

是因为你故意念出其他意思给我回房间

Okay.

好吧

I don't have a donkey.

我没有驴子

But if I did I'd take my ass out of here.

但如果有我会带它离开这里

Hello. I'm George Cooper. This is my son Sheldon.

你好我是乔治·库珀这是我儿子谢尔顿

Yes we spoke on the phone.

嗯我们通过电话

You look exactly like you sound.

你人如其声呢

Not everybody does.

不是每个人都有这优点

Should we get started Yes.

-我们开始吧 -好

I realize some people may find the ins and outs of tax law

我知道有些人认为税法的细节

a little tedious so allow me to spice this story up.

有点乏味所以允许我给这故事增添趣味

Instead of an audit imagine this is a showdown

与其把这视为审计不如看作一场对决

between two warriors in the most brutal

两名战士通过最残酷

and exciting form of combat there is...

最刺激的搏斗形式来决一胜负

chess.

就是国际象棋

Am I the only one who just got chills

只有我激动到起鸡皮疙瘩了吗

Let's start with the business deductions

我们先从日期为1989年的纳税申报单的

from Schedule A on the tax return dated 1989.

附表A扣除额开始

I know bold opening move.

我知道开局走这一步很大胆

Don't worry I came to play.

别担心我是来大展身手的

Happy to.

乐意至极

I've got those receipts right here.

那些收据我都带来了

Dated highlighted...

注有日期高亮标记

and itemized.

并且逐项登记了

Told you.

我说了吧

For the next three hours we battled it out.

接下来三小时我们展开鏖战

Two mighty brains locked in mortal tax code combat.

两个非凡大脑陷入一场你死我活的税码大战

Justify this expense.

为这笔开销做出合理解释

Our AGI was less than 50 000.

我们的调整后收入总额低于五万

Improper classification.

分类不当

Rolled over from the previous fiscal year.

是从上一会计年度延续下来的

The receipt has barbecue sauce on it.

这收据上沾了烧烤酱

Dad. ‭ Sorry.

-爸爸 -对不起嘛

So you are remarkably well versed in the tax code.

看来你十分精通税码

Thank you. ‭It's nice of you

谢谢夸奖你真好

to do your parents' returns for free every year.

每年都免费帮你父母报税

Oh I don't do it for free.

不是免费的

My dad buys me a model train afterwards.

完事之后我爸都会买火车模型给我

Interesting.

有意思

So you accept payment

这么说你接受报酬

even though you're not a licensed tax professional

尽管你不是持证专业税务人员

In clear violation of federal law.

这明显违反了联邦法律

Check.

将军

I had walked right into his trap.

我正好落入了他的圈套

Excuse me I need to use the restroom.

不好意思我需要去洗手间

So catch that Cowboys game last...

你昨晚有没有看牛仔队的球赛

No. ‭ Yeah.

-没有 -好吧

Ballard's.

巴拉德体育用品

Hello. Hey what's up

-是我 -怎么啦

You'll be happy to know I went out and got a checkup.

你会很高兴知道我去做了体检

Fantastic.

太棒了

Yeah great just great.

是啊好得不能再好

And now you can shut up about it.

现在你可以别再逼逼这事了

Well how'd it go

体检结果如何

Good news bad news.

好消息坏消息都有

Good news is I'm fine.

好消息是我身体健康

Well now isn't that comforting to know

得知之后是不是很放心啊

Don't be smug.

别得意

So what's the bad news

坏消息是什么

He wants me to have a colonoscopy. Great

-医生希望我做结肠镜 -太好了

Oh my gosh we can do it together

天啊我们可以一起去做

Can't you just feel the romance

你不觉得很浪漫吗

No you weirdo.

浪漫个屁你个怪人

There you are.

你在这啊

Hey we're waiting on you.

我们在等你呢

I want to go home.

我想回家

What are you talking about

你说什么傻话啊

We're not done yet.

我们还没弄完

Yes we are.

已经结束了

I made a mistake that's gonna cost us

我犯了个错误那会让我们损失

a lot of money that we don't have.

一大笔钱我们家没这个钱

I feel so stupid.

我觉得自己好愚蠢

It's okay to feel stupid.

觉得愚蠢也没关系的

No it's not.

当然有关系

It just means you're growing.

这只是代表你在成长

If you don't look back and think you were dumb

如果你回顾过往没发现自己有犯蠢过

then you then you haven't learned anything.

那只说明你没吸取过任何教训

So what do we do

那我们该怎么做

We get back in there.

我们回去那里

What if we lose

万一我们输了呢

Doesn't matter win or lose

那不重要无论输或赢

we don't give up all right

我们都不放弃知道吗

Now let's get in there and show 'em what we're made of

我们进去吧让他们见识我们的能耐

what do you say

你说好不好

I've heard you give that exact same pep talk at football games.

你在橄榄球赛说过一模一样的打气话

Well I didn't have a special one prepared.

我没准备特别的演讲词嘛

That's all right.

没关系

I feel properly pepped.

我觉得受到了激励

So...

那么

where were we

刚才进行到哪了

Check.

将军

It's true.

没错

I made a mistake.

我是犯了个错

But my dad taught me that's okay.

但我爸教会我犯错也没关系

Wait.

等等

My dad's a teacher.

我爸是老师

Which means my doing our taxes wasn't work for hire

这意味着我替我们家做税不是当雇工

but an economics lesson he was teaching me.

而是我爸在给我上经济课

Therefore the train he bought me

所以他给我买的火车

wasn't payment for unlicensed work

并不是无证工作的报酬

it was a reward for successfully completing my lesson.

而是成功完成我课程的奖励

So it does not violate the statute

所以这并未违反法规

and since the value of the train is less than $10 000

由于火车的价值低于一万元

there's no additional gift tax.

所以没有额外赠与税

Checkmate.

将军

Well I guess that wraps it up.

那我们就审完了

Is it over What happened

结束了吗发生了什么

We won.

我们赢了

Wait we don't owe anything

等等我们不欠任何税款吗

No your returns are all in order.

对你们的报税全部合法妥当

Well done.

做得好

Thank you.

多谢夸奖

Your son's extremely intelligent.

你儿子非常聪明

Yep. I hope you audit us next year

-是的 -希望明年还是你审核我们

so I can run circles around you again.

我就可以再次大胜你

Until he says something stupid. Let's go.

他一说蠢话就不聪明了快走吧

I can't believe we have to drink so much of that garbage. ‭

这恶心玩意我们居然得喝那么多

Well the important thing is we get to do it together dear.

重要的是我们可以一起做这件事亲爱的

You are so full of crap.

你真是满肚子鬼话

Well not for much longer.

但它们呼之欲出了

Excuse me the festivities have begun.

失陪狂泄庆典开始了

You're taking that whole thing with you

你还带上那玩意去厕所吗

I'm gonna be a while.

我要蹲很久

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