I'm very cool.
非常酷
Nobody else is stronger than I am
世上没人比我强壮
Yesterday I moved a mountain
昨天我移了一座山
I bet I could be your hero
我相信我能当你的英雄
I am a mighty little man
我是个了不起的小家伙
I am a mighty little man
我是个了不起的小家伙
For most students
对大多数学生来说
the weekend represented two days of fun freedom
周末代表着两天的欢乐与自由
and in the case of my brother
而对我哥哥来说
a chance to ignore all forms of hygiene.
那是一个无视任何卫生习惯的机会
Come on come on.
快点 再走快一点
To me however it represented
对我来说 周末代表着
an unwelcome break from education.
我不喜欢的学习中断期
Whoo Thank the Lord
感谢老天爷
But this wasn't a typical weekend
但这个周末与平常的不同
because this was the weekend I got to do my parents' taxes.
因为这个周末我可以帮我父母报税
Howdy do W 2.
欢迎欢迎 收入税表
"If you were not covered by a retirement plan
"如果您没有养老金计划
but your spouse was see the worksheet on page 14."
但您的伴侣有 请翻到表格第14页
Try and stop me.
没人能阻止我翻过去
Mom I was going through our expenditures
妈 我在整理我们的支出的时候
and noticed our grocery bills are up 12% compared to last quarter.
发现我们买食品杂货账单比上一季高了12%
Any idea why
你知道为什么吗
There's a person at the end of the table that eats for free.
可能是因为桌尾有一个人总来蹭白食吧
There's a person at the other end of the table that eats for three.
是因为另一边桌尾有人得食三份吧
I've been buying groceries for the church food drive.
我买了不少食物拿去教堂捐给穷人
I think that's it.
应该是这个原因吧
Ooh I bet I could write that off
那我肯定这笔支出能冲销
including the gas it took to drive to the grocery store
连带开车去超市与教堂路上的油费
and then to the church.
都能一并冲销
With all that driving maybe she can count her car as a home office.
开这么多路 或许能把车算作是家庭办公室
Sounds aggressive but I like how you're thinking.
挺激进的做法 但我喜欢你这个思路
None of that is necessary it's for charity.
不需要搞那些 这是为了做慈善
What's the point of charity if there are no tax benefits
如果没有税务福利 那我们还做慈善干嘛
Eat your peas.
吃你的豆子
I like how he's thinking.
我喜欢他这个思路
You eat your peas too.
你也乖乖吃你的豆子
Dad banking question.
爸爸 有银行相关问题
Whs that buddy
怎么啦 小家伙
I noticed there's a check missing.
我发现有一张支票不见了
I have a copy of check 128
我这里有第128号支票的副本
and a copy of check 130 but 129 isn't there.
还有第130号支票的副本 唯独缺了129号
Oh yeah don't worry about it.
没事啦 不用担心这个
But I enjoy worrying I find it very relaxing.
但我就喜欢担心事情 我觉得能放松心情
'Course you do.
真不意外
I balanced the rest of the account
我算了算帐
and it appears to be a check for $300.
那是一张300块的支票
All right well let's just put it down for $300 for miscellaneous.
好吧 那你就写300块的杂项支出
I've never labeled anything miscellaneous in my life.
我此生没给任何东西标为杂项过
I'll go ask Mom.
我去问妈
Wait.
别走
I just remembered.
我想起来了
I gave the money to a friend.
我把钱给了一个朋友
Who It doesn't matter who.
-谁啊 -是谁不重要
Why'd you give it to them
那你为什么给人家
They needed it. It... it's like charity.
人家有需要嘛 就像是做慈善
Ooh another write off excellent.
又可以冲销 太棒了
What do you say we keep this quiet
你觉得我们能不说出去这事吗
You mean like a secret
你是指这事是个秘密
No no just you know something between you and me.
不 也没有啦 就是我跟你之间的一件事
What about Mom
那妈妈呢
Mom is on a need to know basis.
妈妈知道该知道的就行了
What if Mom needs to know
那万一妈妈需要知道呢
Okay it's a secret.
行吧 这是个秘密
Just trust me.
你相信我
It is better for everyone if she doesn't know about this.
她不知道这件事对所有人都好
But I'm not good at keeping secrets.
但我很不擅长保密
It's not hard. Just keep your mouth shut.
不难啊 你只要闭上嘴就行
But I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut.
但我很不擅长闭上嘴
Sheldon all you got to do is be cool.
谢尔顿 你只需要上道 酷一点就行
"Be cool."
"酷一点"
He might as well have asked me to fly around the backyard.
他干脆要求我在后院里飞翔算了
Good night baby. Night Mama.
-晚安宝贝 -晚安妈妈
Love you. Love you too.
-爱你 -我也爱你
Oh hello.
你好啊
I was just brushing my teeth like I do every night.
我刚才是如平常一样去刷牙了
Nothing new there.
完全没什么不同之处
You all right
你还好吧
Yes. I'm cool.
很好啊 我很酷
Tell Sheldon what cool means.
告诉谢尔顿酷是什么意思吧
Hush.
你安静
Sweet dreams.
做个美梦
Love you.
我爱你
Love you too 'cause you're my mom.
我也爱你 因为你是我老妈
You're so weird.
你真的好奇怪
More than usual
比平常怪吗
No I guess not.
那倒没有
Perfect.
完美
To avoid looking suspicious
为了不显可疑
I tried to interact with my mom as little as possible.
我试着尽量减少与我妈妈有互动
Thankfully it's rude to speak with your mouth full.
幸好 有礼的孩子食不言寝不语
You look tired baby. Sleep okay
你看起来很累 有睡好吗
So how big a tax refund you think we're gonna get
你觉得我们今年能退多少税回来呢
Mornin'. Mornin'.
-早安 -早
I slept in the nude last night.
我昨晚裸睡了
Felt every little breeze.
感受到了每一徐微风
Thank you for sharing that.
多谢你的分享啊
You're welcome.
不客气
Mare we got any batteries
阿丽 家里还有电池吗
Look in the drawer by the refrigerator.
去冰箱旁边的抽屉看看
There was only so much food I could eat
我的食量有限 不可能总在吃东西
so I started avoiding my mother whenever possible.
所以我剩下的时间都尽力躲我妈
What are you doing in there
你在里面干嘛
Keeping your secret.
为你保密
You got to pull it together.
你得振作起来啊
This is me pulling it together.
这已经是我振作的样子了
Pull harder. Find 'em
-那就再多振一点 -找到了吗
Yeah. Got 'em. Thanks.
找到啦 谢谢
You're very welcome.
不客气
Hey have you noticed anything off with Sheldon
你有发现谢尔顿最近怪怪的吗
Uh no no no. Can't say that I have. Why
没 没有啊 没发现 怎么了
He's been awful quiet and at the risk of being indelicate
他最近异常安静 而且虽然这么做不好
he's gone several days without a bowel movement.
但我发现他有好几天没有上过大号了
How do you know that
你怎么知道的
Well I was worried about him
我很担心他嘛
so I took a look in his potty journal.
所以我去看了他的如厕日志
He's still keeping that thing huh
他还在写那玩意呢
Oh yeah that's why he wanted the Polaroid camera.
对啊 所以他才跟我们要了一台拍立得相机
Uh well I'm sure he's gonna be fine
我相信他一定没事啦
uh but I'll keep an eye on him.
不过我会多留意他
Thank you. You got it.
-谢谢 -小事
She's gone. Thank you.
-她走了 -谢谢
Batteries are in this drawer.
电池在这个抽屉里
We got a problem.
有麻烦了
I don't know how much longer Sheldon can hold out.
我不知道谢尔顿还能保守秘密多久
This is why I did not want you to write a check.
这就是为什么我让你别用支票嘛
Well I'm sorry but I didn't have that kind of cash lying around.
给您添麻烦啦 但我平常没那么多现金
I do not want Mary to find out about this.
我不想玛丽发现这件事
Well what about Sheldon
那谢尔顿怎么办
The kid hasn't pooped in days he might pop.
这孩子好多天没上大号了 他会炸的
Slip a little Metamucil into his apple juice he'll be fine.
给他的苹果汁里加点纤维粉就没事了
Why don't we just come clean
我们就去坦白不好吗
All right sure we could do that.
好啦 我们是也可以去坦白
You could rat me out to Mary and...
你可以去跟玛丽告我状
I could tell her what you did at the church picnic.
那我也可以告诉她你在教会野餐时做的事
Come on.
你不是吧
Now you're just playing dirty.
你也太损了吧
We sink or swim together George.
乔治 我们生一起生 死就一起死
We sink or swim together.
生一起生 死一起死
Grandmas are supposed to be nice.
当姥姥的不都应该很善良吗
What went wrong with you
你是哪里出了毛病
Avoiding my mother in our own house
在我们自己家中躲我妈妈
was proving to be difficult
已被证明十分有难度
so it was time to get creative.
所以我得想点妙招
Hello. I'd like to book a room in your hotel.
您好 我想在你们的旅馆订个房间
I'd be arriving tonight.
我今晚就要入住
No it's just me.
不 就我一个人
Ooh a queen bed that sounds fancy.
女皇[大号]床吗 听起来很华丽
And how much would this room cost
那这房间的房费是多少呢
Wow. Is that per month
这价格是月费吗
Per day
是一晚的啊
By any chance do you have a children's rate
那冒昧问一下 你们有没有儿童优惠价呢
We've been friends for a while now haven't we
我们当朋友也有些日子了吧
I suppose so.
大概吧
Given that how would you feel about a sleepover
所以你觉得去对方家过夜玩怎么样
Sure. Your mom lets you watch TV.
没问题 你妈妈都让你看电视
Jake and the Fatman is on tonight.
今晚有我喜欢的刑侦犯罪剧呢
I meant we could sleep at your house.
我是说我去你们家过夜
But you'll miss Jake and the Fatman.
但这样你就会错过看剧啊
Even better. So what do you say
那更好了 你意下如何
I'll have to ask my mom.
我得先请示一下我妈妈
Well be sure to tell her I'm clean I'm well behaved
那你记得告诉她 我很讲卫生 又有礼貌
and if you don't have a lot of room
而且我还不占地方
I can fit in really tight spaces.
能塞进特别窄小的空间
So your first sleepover.
第一次去朋友家过夜
Pretty exciting huh
挺兴奋的吧
No. It's not exciting it's constipating
才不兴"粪"呢 我是便秘
and I'm only doing it to avoid Mom.
我这么做也只是为了躲老妈
But still it's your first sleepover.
但始终还是你第一次去朋友家过夜
It's fun stuff.
很好玩的
Okay I know you're having a tough time with this
好啦 我知道你心里憋得慌
but... you're doing great.
但... 你表现得很棒了
You spend some time at Tam's house
你去丹家玩一玩
you know clear your head and come back home refreshed.
把脑海里的烦恼甩去 然后崭然一新地回家
And then I can tell Mom
然后我就能告诉妈妈了吗
Oh no you can never tell Mom.
不行 你永远不能告诉你妈
Wouldn't it be easier to just be honest
你直接坦白不会比较简单吗
Usually it would be but...
通常会 但这事嘛...
sometimes the truth can hurt people. Hmm
有时候真相会伤人
We wouldn't want to hurt Mom right
我们不想让妈妈伤心的吧
Of course not.
当然不
Attaboy.
乖孩子
Hey here's a funny prank you can try tonight.
教你一个今晚你可以玩的恶作剧
When Tam falls asleep put some shaving cream in his hand
等丹睡着了之后 你就挤刮胡膏到他手上
and then tickle his nose.
然后瘙痒他的鼻子
Why
为什么
'Cause then he'll go to
因为他就会...
you know scratch his nose
你懂的 给鼻子抓痒嘛
and he gets shaving cream on his face.
然后他就会把刮胡膏弄得满脸
And then what
然后呢
Well... that that's it.
就这样啊
But I'm a guest in their home
但我是去人家家里做客
and that doesn't seem like a very good way
用这种方式回报人家
to repay their kindness.
大方收留我不太好吧
Never mind.
算了
And what if the shaving cream gets in his eyes
而且如果刮胡膏弄到他眼睛里怎么办
That would sting.
会很刺痛的吧
Sorry I mentioned it.
抱歉我不该提的
Also I didn't bring my own shaving cream.
而且我没带自己的刮胡膏
I'd have to use his dad's and that...
我就得用他爸爸的 这样...
Forget it
别说了
Hello.
您好
Hi. You must be Mrs....
你好 你一定是...
Tam's mom.
丹的母亲
I'm Sheldon's dad George Cooper.
我是谢尔顿的爸爸 乔治·库珀
Nice to meet you.
幸会
Thanks for letting him spend the night.
谢谢你收留他过夜
It's his first sleepover. He's excited.
这是他第一次到朋友家过夜 他很兴奋
Actually I'm quite apprehens...
其实我还挺...
He's really looking forward to it.
他十分期待
Uh in case something comes up just give us a holler.
如果有任何事情 喊我们一声就行
I mean a call. If you hollered we wouldn't hear you.
我是指打电话 如果你用喊的 我们家听不到
That that was a joke.
我刚才是在说笑啦
Ha ha ha
哈 哈 哈
Okay buddy have fun.
好啦 小家伙玩开心点
Visiting Tam's house for the first time
第一次到丹家
was an emotional roller coaster.
简直像坐情感过山车
For example it's traditional in Vietnamese homes
比如说 越南人有个传统
to have gruesome religious iconography near the entrance.
会在入门处摆放可怕的宗教肖像
I did not like that.
我不喜欢
However it's also customary
不过 他们通常
to not wear shoes around the house
进屋后会脱掉鞋子
for sanitary reasons.
出于卫生考量
I did like that.
这一点我喜欢
Interestingly
有趣的是
one of the main ingredients in Vietnamese cooking
越南菜其中一种主要成分
is an extremely pungent condiment known as fish sauce.
是一种叫鱼露的刺鼻调味料
I did not like that.
我不喜欢
But before every meal
但每次吃饭前
it's common for everyone to wash their hands and face.
大家都会先洗手洗脸
I did like that.
这一点我喜欢
Forks are not customary in a Vietnamese household.
越南人家里通常不会有叉子
I did not like that.
我不喜欢
And instead of napkins there was one towel
另外 餐桌上没有纸巾
for everyone to share at the table.
大家共用一条毛巾擦嘴
Seriously what are they thinking
说真的 他们是不是傻
I can't help thinking how odd it is
我还是觉得好奇怪
that Shelly volunteered to go on a sleepover.
谢利居然会主动到别人家过夜
Oh I don't know.
我也不知道
Hmm He's growing up.
他长大了
It's natural for a young boy to want to spread his wings a little bit
小男生想出去闯闯 尝试新事物
try something new.
是很正常的
That's nonsense.
胡说八道
Last week I brought home
上周 我买回家的
the Raisin Bran with the sugar on the raisins.
葡萄干麦片的葡萄干上有糖粉
He almost lost his mind.
他差点崩溃暴走
If you ask me
要我说
you're worried about nothing.
你是杞人忧天
Maybe it's me.
说不定是我
Maybe I did something to upset him.
是我做了什么让他不开心了
What are you talking about
你在说什么傻话
He loves you like crazy.
他爱死你了
Much more than he loves this one.
比对他爸的爱多多了
It's true.
是真的
I don't know.
我不知道
I just feel like something isn't right.
就是觉得有什么不对劲
Mom
妈妈
I got my hair stuck in my zipper
我头发被拉链夹住了
That's the kid you need to be worried about.
你该担忧的是那个孩子
Okay Connie why don't we just come clean
康妮 我们何不坦白告诉她呢
No.
不行
You heard her.
你也听到她说的了
Now she's blaming herself.
她现在在责怪自己
And Sheldon's so upset
而谢尔顿很难过
he's he's acting like a regular kid.
他都像个正常孩子一样了
All right let's tell her. Thank you.
-好吧 我们告诉她 -谢谢你
But first I'm gonna tell her what you did at the picnic.
但我要先告诉她你野餐时做了什么事
Oh Mary Okay okay shh.
-玛丽啊 -好了 安静
I don't know how much longer we can keep this going.
我不知道我们还能瞒她多久
I'm willing to find out.
我拭目以待
"卡亚战神"
So this game is called Mystic Warlords of Ka'a.
这个游戏叫做"卡亚战神"
It's pretty fun.
很好玩的
There are six kinds of secret warlords...
里面有六种秘密的战神
Secret warlords. It's a secret. Secret.
-秘密的战神 -这是秘密 秘密
It's a secret.
这是个秘密
Have you noticed anything off with Sheldon
你有发现谢尔顿最近怪怪的吗
Something between me and you.
就是我跟你之间的一件事
Mom is on a need to know basis.
妈妈知道该知道的就行了
I took a little look in his potty journal.
我去看了他的如厕日志
It's a secret. Several days without a bowel movement.
-这是个秘密 -我发现他有好几天没有上过大号了
Sheldon. Secret. ‭Secret.
-谢尔顿 -秘密 秘密
A secret. Sheldon.
-秘密 -谢尔顿
Did you hear anything I said
你有听到我说的话吗
Sorry I was reliving a traumatic experience.
抱歉 我刚才在重温一段创伤的经历
What do you mean
什么意思
Tam I have a secret that's weighing on me
丹 我有个秘密 快把我压垮了
and I need to tell someone.
我得说出来
Okay. Tell me.
那告诉我吧
But I promised I wouldn't.
但我保证过不会说出来
Okay. Then don't.
那就别说了
But it's driving me crazy.
但我快被逼疯了
Too bad you're not Catholic.
可惜你不是天主教徒
You could confess it to a priest.
不然就可以跟神父告解了
That's a great idea.
这是个好主意
You're Catholic. I'll confess it to you.
你是天主教徒 我向你告解好了
I'm not a priest.
但我不是神父
I'm not a Catholic.
我也不是天主教徒
It makes perfect sense.
所以这么做完全合理
Okay whenever you're ready.
好吧 你随时可以开始
What are you doing
你在干什么
I'm assuming the position.
我在进入角色
Okay.
好吧
Forgive me Tam for I have sinned.
原谅我 丹 我有罪
This is my first confession.
这是我第一次做告解
I forgive you my son.
我原谅你 孩子
I was doing my parents' taxes and noticed a check was missing.
我帮爸妈报税时 发现有张支票不见了
I asked my father about it... As I walked Tam
-我去问我爸 -随着我给丹
through the whole sordid affair
娓娓道来这件丑事
I could feel a weight lifting off my shoulders.
我能感觉到肩头的重担慢慢减轻
It was a relief to finally unburden myself
终于把内心的秘密说了出来
of this deception.
我如释重负
By the time I reached the end
等我把这事说完后
I felt like a new person.
我仿佛脱胎换骨
That's the whole story.
整件事就是这样
Cool. Can we play now
好 能开始玩了吗
And now that my conscience had been cleared
现在我良心上的巨石放下了
my colon was ready to do the same.
结肠里的"巨屎"也要蜂拥而出
Excuse me. I need to use your bathroom
不好意思 我要借用一下洗手间
Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed.
谢谢你把床让给我睡
My father taught me that we must always honor our guests
我爸说 必须以礼待客
and treat them with the utmost courtesy.
给他们最好的款待
The Vietnamese are a very welcoming people.
越南人很好客
Yeah that hasn't always worked out for us.
是的 但我们越南人也因此吃了亏
Do you think your dad would ever ask you
你觉得你爸会不会有一天
to keep a secret from your mom
叫你瞒着你妈一件事
Oh no.
不会
He's so honest it's annoying.
他特别诚实 很讨厌
Enough talking.
别再聊天了
Sleep now.
赶紧睡觉
She's just annoying.
她就是纯讨人厌
Well you did it.
你做到了
How was your first sleepover
第一次到朋友家过夜怎么样啊
They feed you any weird food
他们给你吃奇怪的食物了吗
When I was in 'Nam we ate fish soup for breakfast.
我在越南时 我们早餐都喝鱼汤
Sheldon I'm talking to you.
谢尔顿 我在跟你说话
Well I'm not talking to you.
但我不要跟你说话
Okay what's going on
怎么了
After having my first good night's sleep in a week
我终于睡了这一周以来第一次好觉
I woke up with a fresh perspective.
我睡醒后有了全新的看法
And that is...
什么看法
It was irresponsible of you
你让我保守那个秘密
to burden me with that secret.
是不负责任的行为
Sheldon we've been through this.
谢尔顿 我们聊过这个了
It's complicated.
这事很复杂
While I may not look up to you from an intellectual standpoint
虽然我可能没把你当成学术上的榜样
I've always looked up to you as a role model.
但我一直把你视为人生楷模
I can't do that anymore.
我以后无法这么做了
And don't worry we made a deal.
别担心 我答应过你
I'll continue to keep your secret.
我会继续保守你的秘密
What's up
什么事
Um I need to tell you something.
我有件事要告诉你
What did you do
你做了什么
When Sheldon was doing our taxes
谢尔顿给我们计税时
he noticed a missing check.
发现少了一张支票
What did you do
你到底做了什么
Before I answer do you trust me enough
在我回答前 你是否足够信任我
to understand it was for a good reason
明白我那么做是有好理由的
and j just leave it at that
不会再追问细节
What did you do
你究竟做了什么
It's all your mother's fault. She is a bad person.
都是你妈的错 她这人可坏了
I've been telling you for years.
我跟你说了好几年了
What did you do
你做了什么
Okay now before I answer that
在我回答之前
Just tell me what you did.
快告诉我你做了什么
I got a DWI.
我被开了酒驾罚单
Mom
妈妈
It's not as bad as it sounds.
没有听起来那么严重
How is driving drunk not bad
醉驾哪里不严重了
I wasn't exactly driving.
当时其实不是我在开车
I don't follow.
我没听懂
I was at the dog track with Georgie
我跟小乔治去看赛狗
and I had a few...
我喝了几...
Georgie
小乔治
With God as my witness
老天爷作证
I've never been to the dog track in my life.
我这辈子从没去看过赛狗
She knows.
她知道了
Oh I've been there a bunch.
我去过好多次
Will someone please tell me what happened
谁来告诉我到底发生了什么
Okay me and Meemaw were in the bar at the track...
好吧 我和姥姥在赛狗场的酒吧里
You took him to a bar
你居然带他进酒吧
He wasn't drinking.
他又没喝酒
She had a few too many margaritas
她玛格丽塔酒喝多了
so I drove us home.
于是由我开车回家
But you don't have a license.
但你没有驾照啊
That's why we swapped places after the cop pulled us over.
所以我们被交警拦下来后 交换了位置
Oh dear Lord.
我的老天爷
I had nothing to do with this part.
这部分不关我的事
Shut up.
闭嘴
Will do.
已闭
I didn't want Georgie to get into trouble
我不希望小乔治惹上麻烦
so I got behind the wheel
所以在警察过来前
before the cop walked up.
我换到了驾驶位上
And then I got arrested and uh
然后我被捕了
he bailed me out.
他来保释我
So you all thought you should keep this from me
你们都觉得这事不该告诉我
Absolutely. 100%.
-当然 -毫无疑问
Okay here's what's gonna happen
好吧 接下来这么办
you and you are staying at her house
你和你都到她家去住
until I say otherwise.
直到我改变主意为止
One could argue I was the hero in this story.
有人会说我其实在这次事件中是英雄
You went gambling and you drove without a license
你去赌博 并无证驾驶
and you lied to my face.
还当着我的面说谎
Heroically.
像个英雄般
Go.
出去
I love everything about this.
这场大戏的每一部分我都好爱
I'm guessing you're mad at me.
你应该生我气了吧
Aw forget about it.
算了吧
I appreciate you not...
很感谢你没有...
ratting me out about the picnic.
抖出我野餐的事
Well we had a deal.
我们说好了的
Besides your marriage is already hanging by a thread.
再说 你的婚姻已经岌岌可危了
It is dangling there.
确实命悬一线
All right well I'm gonna turn in.
好了 我去睡了
Good night.
晚安
Night
晚安
Hello
So get a load of this.
你听仔细了
Last church picnic your husband snuck in a six pack
上次教会野餐 你老公偷带了六罐啤酒
polished off the whole thing
一个人全喝光了
then went to wait in line for the bathroom...
然后去排队上厕所
You got an extra toothbrush
你有新牙刷吗
Under the sink darlin'.
在水槽底下 亲爱的
Thanks.
谢了
You got it.
不客气
So then the big gorilla decides he doesn't want to wait in line
之后这只大猩猩决定不排队了
so he stumbles over to the church vegetable garden
于是他摇晃着跑到教会的菜园
and proceeds to irrigate the whole damn thing.
好好地灌溉了那块地
I've eaten those vegetables.
我吃过那里种的蔬菜
Sweet dreams.
祝你睡得香
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