生活大爆炸-S05E17_生活大爆炸

S01

It was a nice retirement party.

这个退休派对真不错

I guess.

是啊

Still it's a shame

不过还是挺可惜的

Professor Rothman was forced to step down.

罗斯曼教授是被迫退休的

What choice did the university have

学校也没办法啊

He snapped.

他已经精神崩溃了

It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.

理论物理学家不都这样吗

I wonder how long Sheldon's got.

我想知道谢尔顿还有多久才崩溃

These shrimp are all the same size.

这几个虾仁大小都一样

There's no the logical order to eat them in.

吃的时候都找不到一个有逻辑的次序

Can't be very long.

没多久了

Hey look there's Rothman's empty office.

看啊这是罗斯曼的办公室人去楼空

Sad. Mm indeed. Yeah. So sad.

-真可悲 -对啊 -超可悲的

Dibs.

归我了

What's up fellas

各位好呀

What are you doing here Kripke

你在这儿干嘛克莱皮克

Ah measuring my new office for drapes.

量一量我的新办公室该装多大的窗帘啊

This is not your office.

这不是你的新办公室

It hasn't been assigned yet.

归谁还不一定呢

Well I called dibs at the Christmas party

早在圣诞节派对上

when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse

罗斯曼教授试图跟玩具盒里的公仔做爱时

with the Toys for Tots collection box.

我就说了这里归我了

Dibs

归你

This is a university not a playground.

咱这儿可是堂堂的大学不是游乐场

Offices are not assigned

办公室可不会因为

because someone called dibs.

谁喊归谁就归谁

You just called dibs.

你刚就喊了

Shut it.

闭嘴

Offices are assigned by seniority.

办公室的分配得根据资历来

I arrived at the university first.

我先来的学校

I arrived at the office first.

我先来的办公室

I'm the proverbial early bird.

我就是传说中的"早起的鸟儿"

Gentlemen.

诸位

Professor Rothman.

罗斯曼教授

Good evening.

晚上好

I'm glad that men are wearing hats again.

真好现在又开始流行戴帽子了

They're so distinguished.

真的显得很高贵

By aBu 201705

生活大爆炸第五季第十七集

I got you a little something.

我有样小东西要送给你

A little something

小东西

Oh it...

哇这个...

Oh this is huge.

这也太大了吧

What's huge is what you've done for me.

你对我的帮助才叫大呢

Oh no Amy I haven't done anything.

别啊艾米我从没帮过你什么

No no before I met you I was a mousy wallflower.

不在认识你之前我是一个在舞会上坐冷板凳的胆小鬼

But look at me now.

可你看看我现在

I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl.

就像那种热衷于各种派对的城市潮女

With a posse a boyfriend

有闺蜜有男友

and a new lace bra that hooks in the front of all things.

还有一个能镇住全场的新蕾丝文胸

Open it. Open it.

快打开快打开

Okay.

好吧

I wanted to get you something you didn't have.

我想送你一件前所未有的礼物

Wow

哇

I... I don't know what to...

我...我不知道该说...

Wow.

哇

Do you like it

你喜欢吗

Do I like it Wow.

我喜不喜欢哇

So uh where are you gonna hang it

那你准备挂在哪儿呢

Oh my God. Hang it. Wow.

上帝啊还得挂起来啊哇

Um you know I'd have to go get a hook

这个嘛我还得去找个钩子

and nails and a hammer and...

还有钉子锤子啥的

No problem. Oh look.

-没问题 -瞧

You got...

你都...

You just... you got it all right there. Wow.

你...你都准备好了哇

I found him. He's in the bathroom.

找到他了在洗手间呢

President Siebert

赛博特校长

Can't this wait

就不能等等吗

I'm sorry. We just need a word. Now

-不好意思我俩有话要说 -非得现在说吗

You realize I'm your boss and I am holding my penis

你们知道我是老板而且手里还握着二弟呢吧

Sheldon give the man some privacy.

谢尔顿咱先出去吧

I'm sorry. This guy's got no respect for boundaries.

真是不好意思这家伙简直无法无天了

What do you want

你们想干嘛

Will you tell this lunatic

你能亲口告诉这个疯子

that Professor Rothman's office is rightfully mine

罗斯曼教授的办公室就应该归我吗

Can't you take this up with your department chairman

这种事不能找你们系主任商量吗

We tried. His assistant said he was on sabbatical.

找过了他的助理说他在休假

Although we distinctly heard his office window open and shut.

尽管我们清楚地听见了他办公室窗户的开关声

Gentlemen there's a task I'm trying to accomplish here

二位我有件要紧事要办

and I'm having trouble doing it.

可我现在却办不了

Oh my. President Siebert I don't mean to be an alarmist

天啊赛博特校长我不想危言耸听

but difficulty initiating a urine stream

但是排尿困难可能是

could be a symptom of benign prostatic hyperplasia.

良性前列腺增生的症状

If you're interested

如果您感兴趣

I can send you a link to a YouTube video

我可以发给您一个YouTube视频地址

that'll show you how to perform your own rectal exam.

它会告诉您如何自己进行直肠检查

Uh helpful hint trim your nails first.

小贴士记得先剪指甲哦

Ignore him President Siebert.

别理他赛博特校长

I'm sure a young man such as yourself has a perfectly...

我相信像您这样的青壮年一定有一个非常...

healthy prostate.

健康的前列腺

Oh he's just trying to butter you up.

他在拍您的马屁呢[字面为"给您上黄油"]

And for the record

顺带告诉您

butter is an excellent lubricant for your rectal exam.

黄油可是直肠检查的最佳润滑剂

Gentlemen I'm going to allow the two of you to work this out

二位我现在允许你俩自行解决这个问题

because A. you're both brilliant scientists

因为第一你俩都是优秀的科学家

B. as far as who gets Rothman's office

第二至于罗斯曼的办公室归谁

I couldn't give the furry crack of a rat's behind.

我他妈一点都不在乎

Well as long as we're here

既然我们都来了

I might as well take a leak.

我也放个水好了

Kripke

克莱皮克

Yes

怎么了

You're in my spot.

那是我的专用尿池

That is big.

这画真大

So big.

超大

And ugly.

画得好丑

So ugly.

超丑

What am I gonna do

我该怎么办

I don't know.

我不知道

You can't take it down. You'll break her heart.

你不可以拿下来艾米会伤心的

Look at that face.

看看那张脸

That enormous unsettling crazy face.

那张让人心烦又抓狂的大脸

Is there any chance I'll learn to love it

你说有没有可能我会慢慢喜欢上这幅画

That depends.

看情况

Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man

你会喜欢把你画得像个爷们的画像吗

Allright it's got to go.

好吧把它撤下来

What will you tell Amy

那你回头怎么跟艾米说

How about I tell her

不如我告诉她

the painting makes you feel jealous

这画没有把你画进去

because you're not in it

让你嫉妒到抓狂

Nuh uh. What if she gets me one

不要万一她也送一幅给我怎么办

I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom

我已经有张我和霍华德妈妈在威尼斯海滩

getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach.

双双顶着满头小辫子的合影了

I've suffered enough.

我已经够遭罪了

Well I guess I could take it down

或者我可以先拿下来

and put it up when she comes over but it's kind of heavy.

等她过来时再挂上去但这画好重

Oh too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.

可惜你不像画中的男人婆那么壮

Would you look at this

看看这个

I paid $25 to some kid on eBay

我花了二十五块跟易趣上一个小孩

for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand.

买了这根手工制作的哈利·波特魔杖

He sent me a stick.

结果他给我寄来根树枝

He went into his backyard he picked up a stick.

是他在自家后院捡的一根小树枝

It's numbered.

上面有编号

Limited edition. Nice.

还是限量版的呢太棒了

Oh that'll be Kripke.

应该是克莱皮克

What's he doing here

他来这干嘛

We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen.

我们准备像绅士一样解决办公室归谁

And if that doesn't work I'm going to poison his tea.

要是这样还不行我就在他的茶里下毒

Cooper. Kripke. Come in.

-库珀 -克莱皮克请进

I'm making tea.

我正在泡茶

Would you like a cup

要来一杯吗

Am I wearing a summer frock

我像穿着连衣裙的娘儿们吗

No I don't want tea.

不哥不喝茶

Let's get down to brass tacks.

我们直接谈正事吧

Fine. In the interest of preserving our friendship...

好吧为了保护咱俩的友谊...

We're not friends.

咱俩不是朋友

Well that's a little hard to hear but all right.

这话有点伤人不过好吧

As you know the essence of diplomacy is compromise.

众所周知外交的本质就是妥协

With that in mind

以该本质为指导思想

I propose the following.

我提出如下建议

I will take Rothman's office

罗斯曼的办公室归我

and you will find a way to be okay with that.

你一边哭去吧

How about I take Rothman's office

不如这样罗斯曼的办公室归我

and you go suck a lemon

而你滚一边凉快去

You sure I can't get you that cup of tea

你确定不用我给你倒杯茶吗

How about you decide this

不如你们这样

with Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock

用"石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克"来决定

What the frig is that

这他妈又是什么

Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock

"石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克"

was created by Internet pioneer Sam Kass

是由互联网先驱萨姆·卡斯发明的

as an improvement on the classic game Rock Paper Scissors.

是对经典游戏"石头剪刀布"的改进

All hail Sam Kass.

萨姆·卡斯万岁

Hail.

万岁

How does it work

怎么玩的

Oh it's very simple.

非常简单

Scissors cuts paper paper covers rock

剪刀剪布布包石头

rock crushes lizard lizard poisons Spock

石头砸死蜥蜴蜥蜴毒死史波克

Spock smashes scissors scissors decapitates lizard

史波克踩碎剪刀剪刀斩首蜥蜴

lizard eats paper paper disproves Spock

蜥蜴吃掉纸[同义布] 论文[布]证明史波克不存在

Spock vaporizes rock

史波克使石头蒸发

and as it always has rock crushes scissors.

最后和以前一样石头砸坏剪刀

I'm sorry. Can you repeat that

抱歉再说一遍好吗

Well of course.

当然

Scissors cuts paper paper covers rock

剪刀剪布布包石头

rock crushes lizard lizard poisons Spock

石头砸死蜥蜴蜥蜴毒死史波克

Spock smashes scissors

史波克踩碎剪刀

scissors decapitates lizard

剪刀斩首蜥蜴

lizard eats paper

蜥蜴吃掉纸[布]

paper disproves Spock Spock vaporizes rock

论文[布]证明史波克不存在史波克使石头蒸发

and as it always has rock crushes scissors.

最后和以前一样石头砸坏剪刀

Almost got it. One more time.

差不多明白了再说一遍吧

Surely. Scissors cuts paper paper covers rock rock...

没问题剪刀剪布布包石头石头...

Sheldon stop.

谢尔顿闭嘴

He's screwing with you.

他摆明在耍你

Is he

真的吗

Well then

那好吧

it seems we have reached an impasse.

看来谈判陷入僵局了

I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel.

除了跟你决斗我别无选择了

I'd smack you with a glove

我本该把手套甩你脸上的

对方捡起就表示接受挑战

中世纪欧洲骑士挑战时把手套扔向对方

but just last week I packed away my winter things.

可上周我刚把冬天的衣物收了起来

It's the 21st century.

现在都21世纪了

You can't have a duel.

不能随便决斗

H Hang on Howard.

等一下霍华德

Barry how good of a shot are you

巴里你枪法有多好

Not pistols. Minds.

不是用手枪是用脑子

A trivia contest

我们举行知识问答竞赛

and you may choose the field of battle.

你来选择知识范围好了

Star Trek trivia

是选择《星际迷航》知识问答

Star Trek Next Generation trivia

还是《星际迷航:下一代》知识问答

Star Trek Deep Space Nine trivia

或《星际迷航:深空九号》知识问答

Star Trek Voyager trivia

或《星际迷航:航海家号》知识问答

or model trains.

或者选火车模型知识问答

You have a complete advantage in trivia.

在知识问答方面你有完全优势

You have an eidetic memory.

你过目不忘

Plus I haven't watched Star Trek

再加上我好久没看《星际迷航》了

since I discovered the strip club near my apartment

自从发现我家附近的脱衣舞俱乐部

has a free buffet.

有免费自助餐后就没看过了

It's gonna be hard to find something

要找到你俩同时擅长的事情

you're both equally good at.

实在是困难啊

Is there anything you're both equally bad at

那你们俩都不擅长的是什么

Sports.

运动

All right this is one on one.

好吧一对一

First person to five wins the office. Any questions

谁先投中五个办公室就归谁有问题吗

Yes Sheldon.

谢尔顿请说

Five what

五个什么

Balls in the basket.

投中五个球

It's out right

这算出界了吧

Time.

暂停

Ran out of room.

空间不够了

You know all those terrible things

还记得以前学校的恶霸

bullies used to do to us

是怎么欺负我们的吗

Yeah.

记得

I get it.

我明白原因了

Hey

喂

He did that on purpose

他故意拿球砸我

No he didn't.

不他没有

Nothing that's happening here is being done on purpose.

他要是故意的才砸不中你呢

Okay uh forget one on one.

好了别来一对一了

Let's try a free throw contest.

这次来自由投球

First person who makes a basket wins the office.

谁的球先碰到篮筐办公室就归谁

Making it too easy there Hofstadter.

这样太简单了霍夫斯塔德

No. No I'm not.

鬼才信

Use the force Sheldon.

原力谢尔顿

源自《星球大战》

Use the force.

原力

I'm gonna need more force.

我需要更多原力

All right Cooper prepare to have your heart broken.

好了库珀你的玻璃心准备碎成渣渣吧

Do I get points for that

那算得分吗

All right we gave it 45 minutes.

好了已经四十五分钟了

It's no longer funny. Let's try something else.

玩腻了我们来点其他的

What do you propose

你有什么建议

Uh on the count of three

数到三

both of you bounce the balls as hard as you can.

你们一起用力往地上拍球

The highest bounce wins the office.

谁的球弹得最高办公室就归谁

Oh you are going down Cooper.

你死定了库珀

I don't think so Kripke.

别这么自信克莱皮克

All right that's enough trash talk.

好了废话少说

One two three.

一二三

Sheldon was higher.

谢尔顿的弹得更高

Congratulations Sheldon. You win office.

恭喜你谢尔顿办公室归你了

Who's unsatisfactory in P.E. Now

谁才是真正的体育白痴

Oh what a great movie.

这电影真棒

I cannot believe you've never seen Grease.

真敢相信你没看过《火爆浪子》

My mother didn't allow me to watch it.

我妈妈不让我看

She was afraid it might encourage me to join a gang.

她担心我看了会加入黑帮

I've got to go.

我得走了

I've got to get up early.

明天我还得早起

My company's testing a new steroid

我们公司在测试一种

that supposedly doesn't shrink testicles

据说不会让睾丸缩水的新类固醇

and the last one there has to do the measuring.

最晚上班的人要负责测量睾丸的工作

I guess I should get going too.

那我差不多也要走了

Good night painting Penny.

晚安画里的佩妮

Good night real Penny.

晚安真的佩妮

Good night real Amy.

晚安真的艾米

You don't have to say good night to painting Amy

你不用对画里的艾米说再见

'cause she's never leaving.

因为她一直都在

Good night real Penny.

晚安真的佩妮

Bye.

拜

Good night transvestite Penny.

晚安异装癖佩妮

Okay. Let us take you off the wall.

好了我要把你拿下来

Out of sight out of mind.

眼不见心不烦

I wish.

真的就好了

You know can I borrow that movie

我能借那部电影吗

Those singing hooligans really got my motor running.

那些唱歌的小流氓真的让我春心荡漾

Sure sure. Enjoy.

当然你拿去看吧

I mean get it back to me when you can or...

我是说看完了再还给我或者...

you know what actually you keep it.

实际上送给你好了

It's just going to be my gift to you.

就当是我给你的礼物

Thank you. Bye.

-谢谢 -拜

Wait... Where'd the painting go

等等那幅画呢

It's right over there.

在那里

Why

为什么

I have no idea. That is weird.

我不知道那画感觉很怪

You hate it. No.

-你讨厌它 -没有

No no. It's just it's a little big.

没有没有只是它太大了

I feel like an idiot. No come on you're not an idiot.

-我觉得自己好傻 -没有你不傻

Look just help me put it back up.

帮我把它挂回去吧

Why So you can just take it down when I leave

为什么好等我走了你再拿下来吗

I don't need your pity. Oh Amy come on...

-我不需要你可怜我 -艾米别这样

I'm just glad I didn't go for the sculpture.

真庆幸我没做成雕塑

Ah the spoils.

战利品

I see why Victors love them.

终于知道为什么胜者喜欢战利品了

I'm happy for you Sheldon.

我真为你高兴谢尔顿

But I have to admit I'm going to miss sharing an office with you.

同时我也承认我会怀念和你共享一间办公室的日子

Oh of course you are.

那是当然

Feel free to drop by any time.

随时欢迎你来看我

Thank you. Yeah. Call first.

-谢谢 -记得先打电话哦

Oh. Hello.

你好

Professor Rothman.

罗斯曼教授

This isn't your office anymore.

这已经不是你的办公室了

You're retired.

你退休了

I think the word you're looking for is... "Invisible."

你应该说 "我看不见你"

I came to say I'm sorry.

我来向你道歉

Don't bother.

不用了

Oh Amy please. I'm so humiliated.

-艾米别这样 -我太受打击了

I sat there the whole time that we were watching "Grease "

我坐在那里看《火爆浪子》的时候

thinking you liked the painting. I know.

-还以为你喜欢那幅画呢 -我知道

I was a fool from "Summer Lovin'" To the very last

我从电影的开题

"Rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong."

傻到电影的结尾

You're right. You're absolutely right.

你说的没错一点没错

I should have been honest with you

我应该对你说实话

and told you the gift was too much.

我该跟你坦白这礼实在太重了

Yes too much.

没错太重

Because our friendship is fundamentally asymmetrical.

因为咱俩的友谊根本不对等

I clearly like you more than you like me.

显然我喜欢你多过你喜欢我

I don't think you can put a number on

人与人之间的感情

how much one person likes another.

不能用数字来衡量

I bought you a painting that's 12 square feet in area.

我送了你一幅十二平方英尺的油画

There's a number.

这就是数字

Amy come on...

艾米拜托...

If you don't like feet you can try dollars.

你要是不喜欢用英尺作单位我可以换成美元

The painting set me back three grand.

这幅画花了我三千美元

Three gr... Oh my God

三千... 我的天

Look look Amy

艾米

all you need to know is you are my friend

记住你一直都是我的朋友

and I don't want to lose you out of my life.

我不想失去你

I'm sorry I'm just having trouble believing you right now.

抱歉现在你说话我可不敢相信

Grab your hammer.

拿上锤子咱们走

No. Damage is done.

没用心已经碎成渣了

Okay look I didn't want to say this

好吧本来我不想说的

but the real reason I took the painting down was...

但我把画摘下来的真正原因是...

because it made Bernadette very jealous.

伯纳黛特一看见就嫉妒得牙痒痒

Oh my goodness

我的天啊

how could I have not seen that

我怎么就没注意到呢

The painting is

这幅画简直就是

a constant reminder that of the three of us

在不停地提醒她咱们三人中

she is the least cool.

就她最逊

Yeah that's... that's what it is so...

对没...没错...所以...

You have such a good heart.

你真是太善良了

Yeah... I try.

是啊...我尽力而为

Come on.

走

Whoa whoa where are we going

咱们要去哪儿

We're going to go put this painting back up in your apartment.

去把这幅画挂回你家墙上

Well what about Bernadette Oh screw her.

-那伯纳黛特怎么办 -管她呢

She's just lucky we let her hang out with us.

带她玩就算给她天大的面子了

What are you doing

你在干嘛

I'm trying to raise the temperature in here

我在努力提升这屋的温度

before my nipples tear through my shirt.

太凉了我激凸得都要扎破衬衫了

Why don't you just turn up the thermostat

把空调调高点不就行了

Aha Good question.

问得好

It turns out the thermostat for my new office

我发现我新办公室的空调开关

isn't in my new office. No. It's next door

不在这个屋对在隔壁屋

in Professor Davenport's office

达文波特教授的办公室里

who is currently enjoying the hot flashes associated with menopause.

而她正经受着更年期一波又一波的潮热

Why is there a hole here

这里怎么有个洞

Why is there a hole in my new office

我新办公室为什么会有个洞呢

I've narrowed it down to two possibilities

我排除到只剩2种可能性

"There was something in the wall

一种可能是墙里有什么东西

that someone outside the wall wanted "

而墙外有人想得到

or the more disturbing

另一种更让人心烦

"There was something in the wall that wanted out."

就是墙里有什么东西想出来

Well at least you finally got a window that opens.

好吧至少你终于有可以打开的窗户了

That's nice.

多好啊

Is it Listen.

是吗请听

What you don't like wind chimes

怎么了难道你不喜欢风铃吗

No I hate them but it gets worse.

不喜欢讨厌死了而且还有更糟的呢

There it is. The bird

-听到了吧 -你是说鸟叫吗

It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes.

跟风铃声完全不搭

那又如何

You don't get it do you

你还没明白吗

That's a mockingbird.

窗外那是只知更鸟

Mockingbirds can change their song

这种鸟啼声婉转曲调多变

which means he's out of tune on purpose.

也就是说它唱跑调是故意的

He's mocking me.

它故意气我

Oh dear. There it is again. Do you feel it

天啊又来了你们感觉到了吗

The growing realization

渐渐感觉到你是个

that you are one wacky bastard Yep.

性格古怪的王八蛋吗我们感觉到了

No. The vibration.

才不是呢我是说这个振动

We are directly underneath the geology lab

这办公室正好在地质实验室下面

and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again.

他们又开了那个讨厌的振动筛

Hey gravel monkeys

喂你们这些石猴子

if you need to shake rocks try jiggling your heads around

想筛石头直接用自己脑袋摇着筛吧

Sheldon relax.

谢尔顿淡定

How can I relax

你让我怎么淡定

My nervous system is being stretched out

我的神经系统紧绷得就像竖琴弦

like the strings of a harp and plucked by holes and birds

被这些事不停拨弄墙洞小鸟

and wind and the low hanging scrotum

风声还有那个总亮出他下垂的蛋蛋

of the difficult to evict Professor Rothman.

整天阴魂不散的罗斯曼教授

If you're not happy

你要是这么不开心

why don't you just let Kripke have the office

干嘛不把办公室给克莱皮克

Wait and let him win

难不成把革命成果拱手相让

Do I look crazy to you

你觉得我疯了吗

We're trying to think down here

我们楼下还要思考呢

you geode loving feldspar jockeys

你们这帮研究石头的技工

And you...

还有你...

the notes are C D E G and A.

C调 D调 E调 G调还有A调

You pick one or I am chopping down that tree

挑一个好好唱不然我就砍了你的树

How's that

怎么样

Little higher on the right.

右边再高点

Now Little more.

-行吗 -再高点

No. That's got it.

别动了就这样

Yeah okay. That's uh that's good.

对好挺...挺好

I'll let you in on a little secret.

告诉你个小秘密

Originally we were painted nude.

一开始画的咱俩是裸体的

But I had him add clothes 'cause I thought

但是我让画家填上衣服了

it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality.

我觉得没必要发掘咱们的同性恋潜质

Yeah good call.

没错改得好

But if you ever change your mind all it would take

不过你要是改主意了

is some warm soapy water and a couple of sponges.

只需来点温肥皂水和几块海绵[共浴]

You're talking about the painting right Sure.

-你是说洗掉画上的衣服吗 -当然

Help Somebody help

救命来人救命啊

What happened

这是怎么回事

I was trying to see what was in here and my head got stuck.

我想看看洞里有什么结果脑袋卡住了

Why would you do that

你为什么非要看啊

It's called scientific curiosity

这叫对科学的探索精神

Now go get butter.

快去给我弄点黄油

Hang in there.

挺住

I'll be right back.

我马上回来

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