生活大爆炸-S09E02_生活大爆炸

S01

Why are you up

你怎么还不睡

How am I supposed to sleep

我怎么睡得着

I've been married less than 24 hours

我结婚还不到24小时

and my wife isn't speaking to me.

我的老婆就跟我冷战了

Perhaps you can think of this in a more positive light.

或许你可以用更积极的态度看待这件事

In one day you've managed to do

你只用了短短一天

what it takes many couples decades to achieve.

就达到许多夫妻花了几十年才达到的境界

You couldn't sleep either

你也睡不着吗

Of course not.

当然啦

Me neither.

我也睡不着

But I just had a tickle in my throat.

但我只是喉咙痒

Not profound marital problems.

不是什么深刻的婚姻问题

What are we gonna do

我们该怎么办

I don't know.

我也不知道

Please tell me how I can fix it.

求你告诉我我该怎么补救

Glad you asked.

就怕你不问

As I see it there's a simple solution.

在我看来有一个简单的解决方法

Your lips had a dalliance with the lips of another woman.

你的嘴唇与别女人的嘴唇厮混过

It seems only logical that

如果想重修旧好

to restore balance to the relationship

唯一合理的办法

you should find another man and dally with him.

就是你也找别的男人耳鬓厮磨

And by dally I mean some hardcore mouth on mouth action.

我说耳鬓厮磨是使出浑身解数狂吻一番

Okay that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

这是我听过最蠢的一件事了

Actually I think he's onto something.

其实我觉得他说的不无道理

Y You can't be serious.

你不会是认真的吧

'Cause I messed up and made out with a girl

就因为我一时糊涂跟别的女人亲热了

you're gonna do the same with a random guy

所以你也要随便跟别的男人亲热吗

I'm currently single.

我目前正好单身

That's true. You are.

的确你单身

What is happening

这是要闹哪样

I will tell you what is happening.

我来告诉你是要闹哪样

I am saving my best friend's marriage.

我要以身拯救我死党的婚姻

Sheldon I don't think you understand

谢尔顿看来你不太懂

how being broken up works.

分手应该怎么样

The only way I can sort through my feelings

唯一能让我理清情绪的方法

is if there is space between us.

就是我们之间要保持距离

Every time I see you it re traumatizes me.

每次见到你都会让我心灵再次受创

I go through the pain all over again.

一遍又一遍经历那些伤痛

Well hello to you too.

我也向你问好

What do you want

你想干嘛

I understand we're no longer a couple

我知道我们已经不是一对了

but I would like to remind you that we made a baby together.

但我想提醒你我们还有爱的结晶

What baby

什么爱的结晶

A precocious little Internet show

一个网络节目

known as "Fun With Flags."

人称《有趣的旗帜》

I'm hanging up.

我要挂电话了

Great. See you in about half an hour.

好的咱们半小时后见

Sheldon I am not doing "Fun With Flags" with you.

谢尔顿我才不要跟你录那个节目

Why not

为啥不要

Because we're broken up.

因为我们分手了

Sonny and Cher made it work.

索尼与雪儿就做到啦

还共同主持过综艺节目

索尼与雪儿这对夫妻曾是热门歌唱团体

Their variety show kept going long after the divorce

他们的综艺节目在离婚后还维持了很久

and here we are still talking about them.

直到现在还被我们聊起

No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.

没人聊索尼与雪儿好吗

You must be thinking about Donny and Marie

你一定是想到了唐尼与玛丽

同在70年代主持过知名综艺节目

又被人称为奥斯蒙兄妹

'cause you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.

因为我跟你绝对是在聊索尼与雪儿

Sheldon this has to stop.

谢尔顿到此为止吧

I know it's hard.

我知道这很困难

It's hard for me too.

这对我也不容易

But I've seen and talked to you more

但分手后的这两天

in the two days we've been broken up

我们见面与说话的量

than in the last two months that we were together.

远远胜过我们分手前两个月的总和

Well if you want to see less of me

如果你想少见到我一点

maybe we should go out again.

那或许我们应该重修旧好

I can't believe you made out with Mandy Chao.

真不敢相信你跟曼蒂·周亲热过

Trust me I wish it never happened.

相信我我希望这事从未发生过

And you knew about this this whole time

而你一直以来都知道这事

I did.

是的

And you didn't think to tell me

而你没想过告诉我吗

Leonard asked me to keep it to myself.

莱纳德要我保密

Let's leave Leonard out of this for the moment.

现在这事跟莱纳德没关系

This is about you and me.

这是我跟你之间的事

Wait wait wait how is my day old marriage falling apart

等等我一天就快散的婚姻

becoming about you two

怎么变成你们的问题了

Hang on.

你等等

What do I need to do to make you trust me

我该怎么做才能让你信任我

You think it's hard having one wife

你觉得有一个老婆就很辛苦了吗

try having two.

你试试有两个

I bet you told Bernadette

你肯定告诉伯纳黛特

all about he was screwing around with Mandy Chao.

他跟曼蒂·周胡搞瞎搞的事情

Oh we didn't screw around.

我们才没有胡搞瞎搞

We just got drunk and made out.

我们只是喝醉酒打个啵儿

Whatever. It would have been nice to hear it from you.

随便啦我更希望这话从你口中听到

What are you doing here

你来干嘛

I'm here to return your belongings.

我来把你的东西还给你

That's what people who've broken up do.

情侣分手都这么做

And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual

而你故意不用你强迫症式的敲门方式

so I would open the door.

好让我没戒心就开门

On the contrary

那你就错了

you no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities.

你现在没资格享受我可爱的小怪癖

We're not friends with benefits.

我们不再是有"福利"的朋友

Just give me the box.

把箱子给我吧

W Wait. Don't you want to go through it

等等你不想过一遍里面的东西吗

to make sure I haven't forgotten anything

以免有东西我给忘拿了

Fine.

好吧

My old scarf.

我的旧时围巾

You wore it the night we went ice skating. Remember

我们去溜冰的那个晚上你围着它还记得吗

You mean the night that I went ice skating

你是指我一个人溜冰

and you stood at the rail

而你在一边扶着扶手

Googling the symptoms of hypothermia

一边网上搜失温症的症状那晚吗

We made one heck of a team huh

我们俩真是天造地设的一对啊

Whose bra is this

这是谁的胸罩

It's not yours

不是你的吗

Oh my.

老天

How embarrassing for both of us.

这下咱俩都尴尬了

It's Penny's.

这是佩妮的吧

Hey you broke up with me.

咱俩分手了

It is none of your business

我把谁的咪咪

whose naked bosom I'm smooshing around like pizza dough.

像披萨面团那样搓揉都不关你的事

Good bye.

再见

Amy.

艾米

Amy. Amy.

艾米艾米

Tables work too. Good to know.

敲桌子也行学到新知识

Ooh brownies for girls' night

闺蜜之夜的巧克力蛋糕

Hands off. I'm mad at you.

手拿开我在生你的气呢

Look I know it's a lot of money

我知道那是一大笔钱

but the guy at the store said

但那个店员说

in five to seven years it'll pay for itself.

五到七年内就能收回成本

What will pay for itself

什么东西收回成本

Doesn't matter. What are you mad about

没什么那你在气什么呀

I'm mad at you for blabbing to me

我气你告诉我

what Leonard did on the North Sea

莱纳德在北海的所作所为

and I'm mad that I've had to hide this from Penny for two years.

我还气你让我瞒了佩妮整整两年

And you have every right to be mad about those things.

你完全有权对这些事情生气

So why don't you let me

不如这个月的

handle the credit card bill this month huh

信用卡账单我来处理怎么样

I mean don't even look at it.

你别管了连看都不用看

I mean if Penny finds out I've known all this time

如果佩妮发现我一直都知道

and haven't told her

却没有告诉她

she's gonna think I'm a terrible friend.

她肯定会认为我是一个坏朋友

I wish you never told me.

真希望你从未告诉我

And I wish Leonard never told me.

我也希望莱纳德从未告诉我

He's the bad guy here.

他才是最坏的那个

I guess that's true.

的确是

And you let Penny marry him.

而你还让佩妮嫁给他

Compared to that who cares if I bought

比起这个我买的乔治·克鲁尼

a George Clooney limited edition manscaping kit

限量版的体毛修剪套装根本不值得一提

Hi. I'm calling about your marriage counseling services

你好我想预约你们的婚姻咨询服务

and was curious what your rate is.

请问一般怎么收费

Really

不是吧

Um okay.

好吧

Is there any kind of discount for length of marriage

能根据婚姻的长短打折吗

'Cause we're just talking hours here.

我说的是以小时计算的婚姻

Hi. Call you back.

-在呀 -等会打给你

Can we talk

我们能聊聊吗

I would love that.

我十分乐意

All right look

听着

I'm sorry I said I was okay with everything

很抱歉在结婚之前

before we got married.

我说我不介意

I hate that we're going through this

我讨厌我们现在有这矛盾

but I don't know what to do.

但我不知道该怎么做

If you don't mind waiting for a Groupon

如果你不介意等团购劵出来

we can try marriage counseling.

我们可以试试婚姻咨询

Hello.

你们在呀

Hey uh buddy

伙计

can we have some privacy

你能回避一下吗

Oh of course.

当然可以

Wouldn't want to intrude.

我也不想打扰你们

This is yours.

这是你的

Okay when I'm done with him

等我跟他谈完

I'm gonna need more information.

咱俩再好好聊聊

Nothing odd.

没什么不妥的

I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.

我就拿来让艾米难堪而已

Okay look I might be overreacting

听着我可能是反应过度了

but how am I supposed to get past this

但我怎么可能明知道

when I know tomorrow you're gonna go to work

你明天去上班就会见到她我怎么不介意

and see this woman

会见到这个女人

Forgive me for eavesdropping

原谅我偷听了

but as I see it there's a simple solution.

但在我看来有一个简单的解决办法

Wake up wake up wake up.

醒醒快醒醒

Bring Penny to meet Mandy.

带佩妮去见曼蒂

What Why

为什么

Well right now Penny's imagination is running wild

现在佩妮的胡思乱想根本停不下来

but if they meet that will eliminate the mystery

但如果她们见面了就能消除曼蒂的神秘感

and alleviate her fears.

减轻佩妮的恐惧感

Like when that Sparkletts guy let me look under his eye patch.

就像那个独眼龙揭了眼罩让我看

Uh first of all you made that guy cry.

首先你把人家弄哭了

And we learned that you don't need an eyeball to do that.

而我们学到了没有眼珠也能哭

Secondly I can't think of a more horrible idea

其次带佩妮去见曼蒂

than Penny meeting Mandy.

这个主意糟透了

Really Why is that

是吗怎么说

What you actually want to meet her

怎么你还真想见她

No but now that you're being weird about it

不啊但现在看你对此反应异常

maybe I should.

或许我真该去

I'm not being weird.

我才没有反应异常

Am I being weird

我有反应异常吗

Yes.

有啊

And that's coming from me.

连我这种怪咖都这么觉得

Fine you want to meet her

好吧你想见她吗

No I just want to know that when you're at work

不我只想知道你们俩上班时

there's nothing going on.

不会发生任何越轨的事

How many times do I have to tell you

我得说多少遍你才信

I have no interest in this woman.

我对这个女人一点兴趣都没有

Yeah well maybe she has interest in you.

或许人家对你有兴趣呢

In Leonard

对莱纳德吗

Oh even the Sparkletts guy could see that's unlikely.

就连独眼龙都看得出没可能好吗

I guess my big problem is I never saw Leonard

我想我最在意的点就是

as the kind of guy who woulde do something like this.

我从来没想过莱纳德也会做这种事

Anybody can make a mistake in a weak moment.

人容易在脆弱的时候犯错

What do you think

你觉得呢

Oh I don't know what to think.

我完全没有想法

But then again I just found out about it.

再重申一次我是刚刚才知道这事

You know I fell in love with Leonard

我之所以爱上莱纳德

because he wasn't anything like the guys

是因为他和我曾经交往过的

I was used to dating.

其他人不同

I mean I knew those guys weren't above cheating

我知道那些渣男都喜欢出轨

because that's usually how we met.

因为我就是他们的小三

Come on you know Leonard's not like that.

你知道莱纳德不是那样的人

I want to believe you. I really do.

我很想相信你真的

Am I being naive

是我好傻好天真了吗

Oh I don't know.

我不知道

This is all so new to me.

第一次听到这事

I'm still processing.

我还在努力消化中

You know he never would've done this when we first met.

我们刚认识时他根本不可能做这种事

He's cockier now.

他现在可能耐了

That's because you made him more confident.

那是因为你让他变得自信了

You know if you think about it without you

你仔细想想如果没有你

he never would've grown into the person he is now.

怎么可能有现在意气风发的他

I mean sure more women might notice him

虽然他现在受欢迎了

but I think it's better to have a guy be with you

但他愿意放弃弱水三千

because he wants to be

与你相守

and not because he thinks he doesn't have any other choice.

总好过他觉得自己没人爱只好巴着你啊

I never thought about it like that.

我还从没这样想过

Oh me neither not until just now.

我也没有这是刚想到的

Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper

大家好我是谢尔顿·库伯博士

and welcome to "Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags."

欢迎收看谢尔顿·库珀出品的《有趣的旗帜》

You may notice that I'm holding a remote control.

你可能注意到我手上拿着遥控器

That's because my cameraperson and co host

那是因为我的摄影师兼主持搭档

Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler

艾米·法拉·福勒博士

has chosen to end her relationship with me.

选择中止了与我之间的感情关系

I'm going to pause here to let that sink in.

我先暂停一会让你们消化一下

Okay.

好了

If you need to pause a little longer

如果你需要更多时间消化

just click the pause button.

请按下你的暂停键

But the show must go on.

但我的节目还得继续

And thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do

万幸的是我前女友的一切功能

can be taken care of with my right hand.

我的右手都可以取代

Anyway let's not spend any more time talking about her.

好了我们不要再提她了

We're here to talk about flags.

我们节目的重点是旗帜

Tonight's theme

今天的主题是

flags of countries that have been torn apart

国破人亡的国家国旗

and the women I have a feeling were responsible.

以及我认为该对此负责的红颜祸水们

You guys have any idea how much it costs

你们知道接受婚姻咨询

to see a marriage counselor

需要多少钱吗

$250 an hour. Why

每小时250刀怎么了

How do you know

你怎么知道

Bernadette and I have occasionally gone to one to

博纳黛特和我偶尔会去参加一次

you know stay on top of things.

防范于未然嘛

And I'm just hearing about this now

而我却是头一次听说这事

Dude just because we're best friends

老弟虽然我俩是好基友

doesn't mean that I have to tell you everything that goes on.

但不代表我非得把所有事都告诉你吧

You don't have to you should want to.

你不是非得要而是应该主动想要

Oh great there's Mandy.

这下好了曼蒂来了

Why are marine biologists always so cute

海洋生物学家怎么都这么可爱

I don't know

我不知道

but I'd like to get lost in her Bermuda Triangle.

但我愿迷失在她的百慕大"三角洲"中

That's not helpful.

你这话一点用都没有

Then I won't say

那我就不告诉你

I'd like to cover three quarters of her surface area.

我还想覆盖她表面面积的四分之三了

Are we done

你们说完了吗

Not yet this is fun.

没玩得正开心呢

Ooh I know.

有了

I'd let her free my willy.

我想让她解放我的"杀人鲸"

美国电影《威鲸闯天关》

Where you going

你要去哪儿

I'm gonna ask her if she'd be willing to talk to Penny

我要去问她愿不愿意跟佩妮聊聊

tell her she has nothing to worry about.

告诉佩妮根本不用担心

Leonard wait. What

-莱纳德等等 -怎么了

I'd like to SpongeBob her SquarePants.

我还想用海绵洗她的小裤裤[海绵宝宝]

Now we are done.

好了我们说完了

Oh hi Leonard. What's up

莱纳德你好吗

Uh do you mind if I sit

我能坐下吗

Sure.

当然

So um I've been thinking a lot

那个我一直在想

about you and me and... the boat.

我俩在船上的事

What about it

怎么了

You know...

你知道

what we did when we were drunk.

我们喝醉以后做的那些事

Oh no did I sleep with you too

不会吧我也跟你睡了吗

No we just made out.

不我们只是亲热了

Oh. Well good for me.

老天保佑我啊

So what can I do for you

那你来找我干什么

Uh okay well um I got married recently.

好吧我最近结婚了

Oh congratulations

恭喜你

To Sheldon

和谢尔顿吗

Never gets old.

这个笑话永远都好笑

No no to a girl.

不是和一个女孩

Anyway I told her what happened between you and me

总之我告诉了她我俩的事

and she's concerned about us seeing each other at work.

于是她担心我们上班时总见面会出事

It was just a kiss. Why would you even tell her

不过是亲一下而已你干嘛告诉她

Because I didn't want there to be any secrets between us.

因为我不想对她有所隐瞒

Is that really the reason

真的是因为这原因吗

What else would it be

不然还能是什么

I don't know.

我不知道

Sounds like you're trying to sabotage the relationship.

听起来像是你故意要破坏你们的感情

No I don't think so.

不不是这样的

Although Penny did say exactly that.

不过佩妮也说了同样的话

Okay well that's something to think about.

那你可得好好思考一下了

You know on some level I've always believed

在潜意识里我总是觉得

that I don't deserve a woman like her.

我配不上她这样的女人

Oh you're gonna think about that right here

你要在这里思考吗

I mean she's really beautiful.

她真的超漂亮

She could have any guy she wants.

各种帅哥她都能泡到手

Which is probably why

所以

it took her so many years to tell me she loved me.

花了好多年时间她才对我说她爱我

Maybe you should talk to a therapist about this.

这事你去找咨询师聊聊吧

Too expensive.

太贵了

You'd think I'd be used to women withholding their love.

我可能习惯了女人不对我表达爱意

I mean my mother did.

我妈妈就是

I mean no matter how hard I tried

不管我有多努力

she just didn't have any interest in me.

她就是对我不感兴趣

Imagine that.

好惨哦

I wonder if that's why I have

我怀疑也许这就是为什么

such a dysfunctional relationship with Sheldon.

我会跟谢尔顿有这么不正常的关系

I had a dream

某晚我做梦

the other night that I was in a cave

梦见我在一个山洞里

and I was nursing a baby

哺育一个婴儿

but the baby had Sheldon's head on it.

但这个婴儿长着谢尔顿的脑袋

And your wife is worried about me

而你妻子担心的人却是我吗

Hey Leonard

莱纳德

When you're done

你说完就过来

we came up with a bunch more.

我们又想到了好多段子

Then the Czech Republic says to Slovakia

然后捷克共和国对斯洛伐克说

"I don't think you understand how being broken up works "

"看来你不太懂分手应该怎么样"

Can you believe that

你能相信吗

You'd think that the Czech Republic

你以为捷克共和国

would try to hold on to what it had

会珍惜自己仅有的机会

given that it's not as young as it used to be.

毕竟它也不年轻了

And I don't see any other countries

而且我也没见过哪个国家

lining up to invade its southern borders.

在排队要侵略她"南线"[下边]的

I'm gonna kill him.

我要杀了他

But enough about the Czech Republic.

捷克共和国就说到这里

Let's talk about the time Moldova made Romania

我们再说说摩尔多瓦给罗马尼亚

a birthday cake

做了一个生日蛋糕

and Romania said it tasted good

罗马尼亚说好吃

even though it didn't.

其实并不然

And yet Romania gets dumped.

结果罗马尼亚却被甩了

I'll pause here while you mull that one over.

我暂停一下等你理清楚

I know right

的确很扯对吧

So you said you had something to tell me.

说吧不是说有事跟我讲吗

Okay yeah um

对

do you remember when you accused me

还记得你指责我

of trying to sabotage our wedding

故意破坏我们的婚礼吗

I've been thinking about it

我也想了一下

and you might be right.

也许你说得对

But the good news is

但好消息是

that I'm pretty sure I know why.

我知道自己为啥这么做

I'm listening.

洗耳恭听

Penny after all these years

佩妮尽管过了这么多年

I still feel like maybe I don't deserve you.

我还觉得自己配不上你

Okay that is the lamest excuse

行了这是你

you could've possibly come up with.

能胡扯的借口中最烂的一个了

But I get it.

但我理解

You do Yeah.

-是吗 -是啊

Sometimes I worry you're gonna wake up

有时我担心一觉醒来

and leave me for someone more like you.

你会为像你这样的女人弃我而去

I don't even understand

我自己都不理解

why you're with someone like me.

为什么你会跟我这种男人在一起

Why would I want to be with someone like me

我为什么还要找个像我这样的女人呢

You know what I mean.

你懂我的意思

And you know maybe the way I've been reacting

也许我的某些反应

was me sabotaging this too.

也是在搞破坏

Well how about we stop

不如我们不要

being so scared of losing each other

害怕失去彼此

and just be together

而是要好好在一起

That sounds nice.

这主意不错

Good.

好的

Because...

因为

I've loved you since the moment we met

自从见到你的那一刻我便爱上了你

and I will keep loving you until the end of time.

我会一辈子爱你至死不渝

Oh my God that is the most beautiful thing

天啊这是我听过

anyone's ever said to me. Yeah

-最美的情话 -是吗

That's because you're beautiful

那是因为你那么美

and your beauty fills my heart with love and song.

美到我心中满溢着爱与歌

It's getting kind of cheesy Leonard.

越说越烂俗了哦莱纳德

If you think that's cheesy buckle up.

还有更烂俗的呢准备好了

Penny Hofstadter

佩妮·霍夫斯塔德

will you please stay married to me

你愿意跟我维持婚姻吗

Oh damn it you topped it.

讨厌你的烂俗再创新高峰了

Should we go to the bedroom and make this marriage official

是不是该入洞房把成亲最后一步给"办"了

Yes please Okay Okay.

-好拜托了 -好的

Sheldon I can't believe you got us a wedding gift.

谢尔顿没想到你会送我们结婚礼物

I don't know why you're so surprised.

这有什么好惊讶的

I watch movies I see what people do.

我看电影看得到别人怎么做

What is this

这是什么

Plane tickets and hotel reservations

周末往返旧金山的机票

for a weekend away in San Francisco.

以及酒店预订

That's so great

太棒了

Yeah there's Fisherman's Wharf

没错那里有渔人码头

and Alcatraz and cable cars.

恶魔岛还有缆车

We're gonna have so much fun.

我们肯定玩得超开心

我们

Is there a problem

有问题吗

Oh no no I just I said "Whee "

没有没有我说的是"我们耶"

How dare you go on the Internet and say mean things about me

你胆敢在网上说我坏话

and compare my genitalia to part of Czechoslovakia

还把我的生殖器比喻成捷克斯洛伐克南部

You saw through that one did you

你看完那集了是吗

I don't know what you were thinking

我不知道你在想什么

but take the video down now

但马上把视频撤了

She watched it.

她看了

I'm gonna get that girl back.

我一定会把那妞追回来

I only watched it because you e mailed it to me

我之所以会看是因为你发邮件给我

with the subject line "This is gonna make you mad"

主题是"看完气死你"

She was listening through the door. She wants me.

她在门外偷听她想要奴家

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