生活大爆炸-S03E20_生活大爆炸

S01

第三季第二十集

生活大爆炸

Oh damn they canceled my Visa.

靠我的维萨卡被撤了

Oh yay a new MasterCard

哦也新的万事达卡

What

干嘛

I was going to get my mail.

我本来想拿信件

Okay.

拿啊

Are... are you hoping to get it telepathically

难道你想通过心灵感应来拿吗

I think you mean telekinetically.

你是说意念取物吧

And no.

不是

I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol

我只是不确定用哪种社交礼节

now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.

因为你和莱纳德如今不交媾了

God can we please just say "no longer seeing each other"

老天你就不能说"不再见面交往"吗

Well we could if it were true.

那得真的不见才行

But as you live in the same building you see each other all the time.

可你们住在同一栋楼里低头不见抬头见

The variable which has changed is the coitus.

唯一改变的变量是交媾

Okay here's the protocol you and I are still friends and you stop saying "coitus."

咱来定个协议你我继续做朋友还有你别再说"交媾"

Good good.

好啊

I'm glad we're still friends.

我很高兴我们还是朋友

Really

真的吗

Oh yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life.

当然适应你出现在我日常生活中可花了我不少功夫

I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.

而我很讨厌白费功夫

Right.

好吧

Just to be clear do I have to stop saying "coitus" with everyone or just you

再问清楚我不能跟所有人说交媾还是只是不能跟你说

Everyone.

所有人

Harsh terms.

协议条款真苛刻

But all right I'll just substitute "intercourse."

不过没关系我可以用"性交"代替

Great.

这下好了

Or "fornication."

或者用"私通"

Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones so I'll hold that in reserve.

但这个带有批评色彩还是作为备用吧

So how you been

你最近怎样

Well my existence is a continuum

我的存在是个连续统一体

so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.

所以在指定期间的每个时间点都是一样的

You're just coitusing with me aren't you

你就是逗我玩是吧

Bazinga.

逗你玩

How's Leonard doing

莱纳德好吗

He seems all right.

他表面很好

Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time

但他花了很长时间

looking at photographs of you

盯着你的照片

and smelling the pillow you slept on.

嗅着你枕过的枕头

Oh but now that I think of it

我想起来了

he asked me not to tell you that.

他叫我不要告诉你

I'll pretend I didn't hear it.

我会假装没听见

I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it.

我宁愿你假装我没说过

I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce.

你买了意大利妈妈大蒜意粉酱

Yep.

对

That's the sauce my mother uses.

我妈妈也用这种酱

She likes cooking Italian because according to her

她喜欢意式烹饪

that's what the Romans made Jesus eat.

她说罗马人也这么做给耶稣吃

Interesting.

有意思

I'll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.

我改天晚上叫你过来吃

I'm hungry now.

我现在就饿了

Oh. Um okay.

好吧

Why don't you give me an hour and come over

那一小时后过来吧

Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce

能不能切点热狗丁加到酱汁里

I don't have hot dogs.

我没有热狗

Oh it's all right I do.

没关系我有

Oh You're in for what my mother calls "a real Eye talian treat".

你就要做我妈妈所说的"美意大餐"

Hey where you been

你去哪了

I was talking with Penny.

我刚刚和佩妮聊天呢

What's wrong with you

你怎么能这样

You can't hang out with your roommate's ex.

你不能和室友的前任一起玩

That's totally uncool.

这未免太逊了

No it's fine. I don't care.

没关系我不在乎

I'm over it.

我已经走出来了

Yeah he's over it that's why he's been whining all day

对走出来了所以他整天都在怨念

about trying to invent that memory wiper gizmo from Men in Black.

要发明《黑超战警》里的洗脑装置

Is he making any progress

他有进展了吗

Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.

因为我想忘掉本·阿弗莱克居然演过《超胆侠》

So would Ben Affleck.

本·阿弗莱克也会想洗脑的

The point is in a situation like this you got to pick sides.

重点是面对这种情况你得做出选择

You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.

要么选莱纳德队要么选择佩妮队

Which one picks last

哪个是选剩下的

What

什么

Well usually I'm on the team that picks last.

我通常都只能在选剩下的那队

Unless there's a kid in a wheelchair.

除非有坐轮椅的孩子一起玩

Sheldon I got you your tangerine chicken.

谢尔顿我给你买了陈皮鸡丁

I hope you're hungry.

你应该饿了吧

Well of course I'm hungry.

我当然饿了

And as I have no plans to eat with any other team

而且我没打算跟别的队吃饭

I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto.

我会津津有味地吃光陈皮鸡丁

Okay.

好吧

Just out of curiosity do we still have hot dogs

只是出于好奇我们还有热狗吗

I don't know. Why

不知道怎么了

Just making dinner conversation.

吃饭时随便聊聊而已

Go Team Leonard

加油小莱队

Oh God this is good.

啊太好吃了

Let me ask you a question.

我问你个问题

Do you believe you're going to go to hell

你觉得你会因为

for eating sweet and sour pork

吃糖醋排骨而下地狱吗

Jews don't have hell.

犹太人不相信有地狱

We have acid reflux.

我们相信有胃酸倒流

Do you want the last dumpling Sheldon

你要吃最后一只饺子吗谢尔顿

Certainly.

当然

It's not like I have to moderate my food intake

我又没有因为很快要吃第二餐

because I'm planning on eating again very shortly.

而故意限制食物摄入量

So you guys want to do something tonight

大家今晚想玩什么

Nah I can't. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class.

我不行我要去水中有氧运动班接我妈

18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool.

十八个超重妇女在游泳池里甩着肥大的手臂

Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.

就像海洋世界里的海牛

What about you Raj

你呢拉杰

Oh there it is

这算什么

now that you don't have a girlfriend

你没有女朋友了

you want to hang out with me again.

就又想跟我玩了

I never stopped hanging out with you. Oh please

-我什么时候没跟你玩了 -少来了

we all know I'm the friend you call when you have no other options.

大家都清楚你没有人了才会来找我

If we were the Justice League I'd be Aquaman.

如果我们是正义联盟我就是海王子

I wish you were Aquaman.

我倒希望你是海王子

Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank.

我就能派你去老人池里把我妈舀出来

Excuse me I'm thirsty so I'm going to go to the refrigerator

抱歉我渴了我要去冰箱里

and get myself a refreshing beverage.

拿点清凉饮料喝

You know what I'll just spend the evening alone.

算了我今晚就一个人过吧

What suddenly I'm not good enough for you

怎么我突然就不配陪你了

I do so love beverages.

我最爱饮料了

Now I think I'll take my after dinner walk.

我现在要去饭后散步了

Since when do you take after dinner walks

你什么时候开始饭后散步了

Yeah since when do you take walks

你什么时候开始散步了

I read a study online that walking after a meal

我在网上看过一篇论文饭后百步走

not only aids in digestion but increases serotonin

不仅有助于消化还能增加5-羟色胺的含量

(一种有利于神经细胞间冲动传导的有机物)

and you know me if there's one thing I like

而且你们也知道的如果说相比提神饮料

more than a refreshing beverage it's serotonin. Bye bye.

我更喜欢什么那肯定就是5-羟色胺了拜拜

Hold on. I'll walk down with you.

等等我和你一起走

That's not necessary.

没那个必要吧

You can go first.

你先走吧

Or we could go together.

要么咱俩一起走

I can't think of a reason why not.

我想不出什么理由拒绝你

Let's go.

咱们走吧

Hold on.

等一下

Nope no reason.

没事我还是想不出什么理由

I've missed you.

我好想你

All right say hello to your mother for me.

行了代我向你妈妈问好

Okay.

行啊

What

干嘛

You said you were going for a walk.

你刚说你要去散步的

I didn't say outside.

我又没说要去外面散步

So what you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs

然后呢你就打算来来回回地跑楼梯吗

No of course not.

不会当然不会

That would be odd and suspicious behavior.

那样的话就太可疑了

Here Russell Here boy

到这儿来拉塞尔过来呀宝贝儿

Which way are you going

你往哪边走

Which way are "you" going

"你" 往哪边走

I parked my scooter down the block.

我把摩托车停在街那边了

I'm going the other way. Bye.

我走另一边拜拜

Bye.

拜拜

Actually I'm this way.

其实是停在这边

Do I smell hot dogs

这是热狗的味道吗

No. I mean I have no idea what you smell.

不是我是说我不知道你闻到了什么

I definitely smell raw hot dog.

我绝对闻到了生热狗的味道

Perhaps you're getting a brain tumor.

估计是你的脑子里有肿瘤吧

All right have a nice walk.

好了散步愉快

I shall. Have a nice scoot.

我会的祝你开车愉快

You might want to stand back.

你最好站开点儿

I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here.

寡人的坐骑有13马力呢

Oh. Hello doggie.

你好啊狗狗

Nice doggie.

乖狗狗

I bet you think you smell hot dogs.

估计你是闻到热狗的香味了

Look a cat

看有猫咪

Penny

佩妮

Penny.

佩妮

Penny.

佩妮

Here.

给

I had to trade the others for my life.

剩下的热狗被我拿去保命了

Hey Leonard

喂莱纳德

Yeah

怎么了

I haven't had sex in a year.

我有一年没做爱了

Where you going with this Raj

你想干嘛拉杰

Don't flatter yourself dude.

别自作多情了老兄

I want to go out and meet a woman.

我想出去找个女人

So go. Well I need a wingman.

那就去呗 -我要找个帮手

I don't want to come off like a lonely loser.

我不想让自己看着像个失败的剩男

And you think "my" presence will help with that

你觉得我跟你去你就不剩了吗

Well I do.

对呀

Next to you I'll look like a catch.

有你在旁边我有更有把握了

I'm not going out tonight Raj.

我今晚不会出去的拉杰

All right.

好吧

Would you mind if I went to your room

你介意我到你房间去

and downloaded some Asian pornography

下载几部亚系A片看吗

Very much.

非常介意

Doesn't have to be Asian.

我可以不看亚系的

Don't worry. You'll meet a girl someday.

别担心总有一天你会遇见一个好姑娘的

No I won't. Yes you will and she'll be beautiful.

-不可能的 -绝对可能而且还很漂亮

And kind and sexy and funny

善良性感幽默

and everything you ever wanted in a woman.

绝对是你梦中情人的样子

You really think so

你真这么觉得

I do and you'll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart.

没错你会一发不可收拾地爱上她向她敞开心扉

And she'll take it and grind it into pathetic little pieces.

然后她会拿走你的心残忍地撕成碎片

But we'll have sex first right

但我们到时候会先上床对吧

That's Eye talian.

真正的美意大餐

So um was Leonard okay with you coming over

莱纳德不介意你过来吧

Oh yes.

不介意

In fact he said "I'm fine. I don't care."

其实他说了 "我没事我不在乎"

And he in no way said it in a manner

而且他的语气绝对不会

which would lead one to believe that he was covering up

让人觉得他在掩饰心中的

feelings of anguish and betrayal.

痛苦与背叛

Well good. I'm also

-很好嘛 -我还要

pleased to report that he's all cried out over you.

很高兴地告诉你他曾为你大声痛哭

He's been crying

他哭过

Oh I believe that was something else

我又漏说了一件

I wasn't supposed to mention.

不该跟你提起的事

Oh God I feel terrible.

哦天哪我好难过

Do you have a stomachache too

你也胃疼吗

No. Why do you

没有啊怎么了你胃疼吗

No.

不疼

Why did you ask if I had one too

那你为啥问我是不是也胃疼

Just making polite dinner conversation.

就是吃饭的时候随便聊聊

Your turn.

该你说了

All right.

好吧

So what's new in your life

那你最近有啥新鲜事儿吗

Well my new shoes are not made for running.

我的新鞋不适合跑步

Have you been running

你去跑步了

No.

没有

It's just a suspicion I have.

这只是我的怀疑

I'm so glad you like it. I do.

-我很高兴你这么喜欢我的手艺 -没错

Leonard never cooks for me.

莱纳德从来没给我做过饭

Well maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook.

估计是因为莱纳德不会做饭吧

You can't cook and you made me this.

你也不会做饭但是你为我做了这些

Whatever.

随便啦

Ooh I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.

对了还有芝士蛋糕在冰箱里

Oh Lord I'm in Jewish hell.

天我要下犹太人的地狱了[胃酸倒流]

Look at this.

你看这个

Do you think she's really doing that

你觉得她这动作是真的呢

or is it PhotoShop

还是PS出来的

I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked

我很确定玛莎·斯图尔特绝对不会光着身子

(著名女企业家曾因经济犯罪入狱)

with a room full of big fat Japanese guys.

和一屋子的日本大胖子呆在一起

You don't know that.

你又不知道

Prison changes people.

监狱能改变一个人的

Hey where you been

你刚去哪儿了

I told you walking.

跟你说了嘛散步啊

For an hour and a half

你散了一个半小时的步

I got lost.

我迷路了

How could you get lost Your phone has GPS.

你怎么会迷路的你的手机上有GPS啊

Satellites are down. Solar flares.

卫星出故障了有太阳风暴

There are no solar flares right now.

这会儿没有太阳风暴

Yes there are.

不对有的

Dude I'm an astrophysicist.

老兄我是搞天体物理的

If there were solar flares I'd be all up in it.

要是有太阳风暴的话我绝对会知道

I'm sorry. I misspoke.

抱歉我说错了

What I meant to say was my battery died.

我刚才其实想说我手机没电了

What the hell was that about

他到底是怎么回事啊

I don't know.

不知道

Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah

你觉得这真的是希拉里·克林顿在和欧普拉嘿咻吗

Oh we really need to get you a girl.

哦我们真得给你找个小妞了

Leonard.

莱纳德

Leonard.

莱纳德

Leonard.

莱纳德

Oh just come in

滚进来吧

Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.

谢谢你这么痛快地让我进来了

What do you want Sheldon

你想干嘛谢尔顿

Maybe this isn't a good time.

可能现在不是时候

Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.

快说你干嘛吵醒我不然我对天发誓我会杀了你

Do you really think death threats

你真觉得用死亡威胁我

are an appropriate way to begin this conversation

是展开谈话的恰当方式吗

Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.

有时候你的社交能力少得简直让我震惊

What do you want

你到底想干嘛

You may want to sit down.

你最好先坐下

I'm in bed

我正躺着呢

Point taken.

了解

You may want to sit up.

你最好先坐起来

Sheldon

谢尔顿

I've been seeing Penny behind your back.

我一直在背着你见佩妮

Okay...

好吧

When you say "seeing Penny " what exactly does that mean

你说你"见佩妮" 到底什么意思

We had dinner last night.

我们昨晚一起吃晚餐了

She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it.

她给我做了意粉加热狗丁

Well little hot dog.

虽然热狗丁很少

I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog.

因为还有五根热狗我都给那条真的狗狗吃了

A real big dog.

很大只的真的狗狗

A hell hound.

是条该死的猎狗

Tangential to the primary story.

我好像离题太远了

How about I circle back to it

等下再绕回来说如何

Fine.

好

Why did you have dinner with Penny

你为什么要跟佩妮一起晚餐

I told you she made spaghetti with little hot dogs.

我说过了她做了意粉加热狗丁

I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.

我喜欢吃意粉加热狗丁

Then why did you have Chinese food with us

那你为什么还跟我们一起吃中餐

I didn't want to upset you.

我是怕你不高兴

Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be

霍华德说得很清楚我应该先效忠于

to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.

男同志而不是为钱卖身的女人们

Is it possible he said "Bros before hos"

莫非他说的是兄弟比妓女重要

Yes but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.

对我改了下措辞避免提到妓女这个词

Sheldon I don't care if you want to be friends with Penny.

谢尔顿你跟佩妮做不做朋友我都无所谓

Oh. Well so the emotional turmoil that's been keeping me

这么说一直困扰我让我噩梦连连的

from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified

这种情绪波动真的是完全不应该啊

Yes.

没错

Well... then as my meemaw would say

要是我奶奶肯定会说

"Looks like we butchered a pig but nobody wanted bacon."

我们在这宰猪待客可居然没人想吃培根[都不领情]

I guess not.

我想是的

And now as promised the tangent.

现在之前我承诺过的那个题外话

Sheldon and the Hell Hound.

谢尔顿大战猎狗记

Or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.

或者说"谁动了我的热狗"

I I can come back.

我还是回头再来吧

D don't be silly.

别傻了

We're neighbors.

我们是邻居

We're going to run into each other.

抬头不见低头见

May as well get used to it.

还是早点习惯的好

Yeah I guess you're right.

嗯你说得对

You used to it yet

你习惯了吗

Nope. Me neither.

-还没 -我也是

Oh Sheldon seemed to think that I would be upset

谢尔顿好像认为他跟你出去

about you hanging out with him.

我会不高兴

But I just want you to know it's fine.

我只是告诉你没事的

Oh oh good because um his mother called me.

太好了因为他妈妈打电话给我了

His mother

他妈妈

Yeah she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.

对她想让我带他出去买床单和毛巾

I was going to do that.

我本来打算带他去的

Oh well then you... you do it.

是吗那还是你带吧

No I don't want to do it. You can do it.

不我根本就不想带还是你来吧

Okay you can take him for shoes.

好那你可以带他去买鞋

I just took him for shoes.

我刚带他去买过鞋

Well all I know is he says they hurt his feet.

我只知道他说那鞋子挤脚

Fine. I'll take him for shoes next Saturday.

好吧下周六我会带他去买鞋

Oh no no no a bunch of us from work

不行不行我们一帮同事

are going to Disneyland next Saturday

下周六要去迪斯尼乐园

and Sheldon wants to come.

谢尔顿也想一起去

You're taking him to Disneyland

你们要带他去迪斯尼乐园

Well he heard me making plans on the phone.

我讲电话订计划的时候他正好听到

Was I going to say "no"

那我还能拒绝吗

All right.

好吧

But let me know if you're going to stuff him with junk food.

你们让他塞一堆垃圾食品前记得先跟我说下

I don't want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.

我可不想帮他打包回一顿美餐结果只能浪费掉

We're going to Disneyland.

我们是去迪斯尼乐园玩

He's going to eat junk food.

他肯定会吃垃圾食品

All I'm saying is give me a heads up.

我只是说事先跟我打个招呼

Okay whatever.

好吧随便吧

And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats.

还有别让他吃饱了再去玩太空山

He'll say he can handle it but I promise

他会说没问题但我敢肯定

you'll end up with churro puke on your shoes.

他绝对会把油条都吐你鞋子上

All right got it. Is there anything else

好的明白还有什么提醒的吗

Yeah don't let Goofy near him.

有别让他靠近高飞狗

He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it.

他会噩梦连连到时候还得我处理

What's the problem with Goofy

高飞狗有什么问题

Wish I knew. He's fine with Pluto.

我也想知道不过让他靠近布鲁托没事

Hey do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles

你觉得《超人总动员》里那个弹力女超人

needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm

需要用避孕套吗还是她自己就能变成套子

Well that's it.

就这样吧

We're officially out of things to talk about.

能聊的话题正式都谈完了

We're home.

我们回来了

It's 10 00.Where have you been

都晚上十点了你们去哪了

We stayed for the California Adventure water show.

我们留在那看加州冒险乐园的喷泉秀

It was pure Disney magic.

纯粹因为迪斯尼魔力太大

I was going to see that with him.

我准备跟他一起去看的

How was I supposed to know that

那我怎么知道

It's all right. I'll see it again with you.

没事的我会跟你一起再去看一遍的

And I have food here. You said you were going to call.

我还帮他带了吃的你说过你会先打电话的

I know I know.

我知道是我不好

I can still eat.

我还吃得下

No you already threw up once.

不行你已经吐过一次了

Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.

去换上睡衣刷牙

Okay but just don't fight

好吧但你们俩别吵架

We're not fighting. Just go.

-我们没在吵架 -快去

Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland

你不谢谢佩妮带你去迪斯尼乐园玩吗

Thank you Penny.

谢谢你佩妮

You're welcome sweetie.

不客气亲爱的

Want a cup of coffee

想来杯咖啡吗

Oh um I should probably get going.

我还是先走吧

Come on. It's just a cup of coffee.

好了就一杯咖啡而已

Uh yeah the whole thing seems a little twisted to me too.

我也觉得这整件事有点扭曲

What am I smelling

这是什么气味

Sheldon's churro on my shoes.

谢尔顿吐在我鞋子上的油条

He's such an angel when he's asleep.

他睡着的时候看着真像天使

Yeah.

是啊

Shame he has to wake up.

可惜他还会醒来

I think we can do it.

我觉得我们能做到的

Smother Sheldon in his sleep Wouldn't that be wrong

趁谢尔顿睡着时闷死他那不合适吧

No be friends. You and me.

不你跟我做朋友

Oh. Sure.

当然

Absolutely.

绝对没问题

Good. I'm glad.

很好我很开心

Here's an idea. I'm just throwing it out there

我有个主意我就随便说说

friends who have sex.

当炮友如何

Good night Leonard.

晚安莱纳德

Kidding.

我开玩笑的

Just a couple of friends Goofing around.

只是朋友间玩笑打混而已

No Goofy no.

不高飞狗别

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