生活大爆炸-S10E11_生活大爆炸

S01

Previously on The Big Bang Theory...

《生活大爆炸》前情提要

Hey Stuart. What are you doing here

斯图尔特你在这里干什么

Oh I'm living here again.

我又住在这里啦

Do uh Howard and Bernadette know

霍华德和伯纳黛特知道这事吗

Or is like a possum in the walls kind of thing

还是像负鼠那样住在墙壁里在夹缝中生存

No. I needed a place to stay

不我需要个地方住

and with the baby coming

而且宝宝快出生了

I figured they could use some extra help.

我觉得他们需要多个人手来帮忙

Hey tomorrow who wants to paint the nursery

明天谁愿意粉刷婴儿室

I'll do it.

我做

Why do you get to do it I'm the artist.

凭什么让你做啊我可是个艺术家

Just because you're starving doesn't make you an artist.

你吃不饱饭不等于你就是个艺术家

Just because I look sickly doesn't mean I'm starving.

我一脸菜色也不等于我吃不饱饭啊

Howard

霍华德

I think I'm in labor.

我好像快生了

Oh. Oh okay. Okay.

哎呀哎呀好的

Uh uh uh I can do this.

那个那个包在我身上

We have a plan.

我们早有准备

Somebody please tell me the plan

谁来告诉我需要准备什么

I'll get the hospital bag.

我去拿待产包

I'll pull the van up.

我去发动车

Meet you outside in two minutes.

2分钟后门外集合

Team Baby go

宝宝特工队行动

时至今日

Oh man.

天啊

This is really happening.

终于到了这一刻

You doin' okay

你还好吗

Here comes another contraction.

又来一波阵痛了

Let's pick it up

加速啊

All right hold on.

好坐稳了

I'm gonna drive like we do in India.

我要用我们印度当地的方式开车了

Get out of my way you syphilitic dogs

死一边去你个梅毒贱狗

Stop that This isn't India.

别这样这里不是印度

Fine.

好吧

What do one point three billion people know about having babies

堂堂13亿人口大国的人哪懂生孩子的事啊

Sorry. I know you were just trying to help.

对不起啦我知道你也是想帮忙

I love you.

我爱你

I love you too. We're good.

我也爱你啦没事的

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait

The Earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool Neanderthals developed tools

We built the Wall We built the pyramids

Math Science History unraveling the mystery

That all started with a big bang

Bang

By aBU 201612

生

活

大

爆

炸

第十季第十一集

Amy

艾米

Wake up.

醒醒

Wh... What's wrong

怎么了

It's midnight.

现在是午夜

Happy birthday.

生日快乐

Sheldon.

谢尔顿

Okay you can have this back in the morning.

这个东西先没收早上起床后还你

This is for you.

这是给你的

I was going to wrap it

我本来打算把它包好

but touching Scotch tape gives me the heebie jeebies.

但是想到要碰透明胶布我就浑身发毛

I'll put in on the list with peaches and felt.

我会记得你不喜欢胶布桃子与毡制品

What is this

这是什么

A functional MRI of my brain.

我大脑的功能性磁共振成像

I did Sudoku before they took it so I'd be ripped.

我在拍之前做了一把数独来显得更脑力惊人

I love it. Thank you.

我喜欢谢谢你

And it's not just an MRI.

而且玄机不止如此

The orbitofrontal cortex is lit up

我的大脑眼窝前额皮质是亮起的

because I was thinking of you.

因为我当时想着你

Sheldon

谢尔顿

We seem to be moving on to the annual coitus portion

我们貌似又来到了你生日庆典中的

of your birthday festivities.

年度交媾仪式了

Is that okay

可以吗

I didn't put on my come hither plaid PJ's for nothing.

不然我穿诱人格子睡衣是为啥呢

You hate Scotch tape but you love Scotch plaid.

你讨厌透明[苏格兰]胶带却喜欢苏格兰格纹

You are a mystery.

迷一般的男人啊

Guys wake up

你们快起床

Bernadette's having her baby

伯纳黛特要生啦

Come on we're going to the hospital

起床我们要去医院了

I guess... I guess we should stop.

我想... 我想我们得先停下

Yeah. I'm afraid so.

恐怕是的

Childbirth looming coitus

生孩子差点交媾

This is a banner night for female genitals.

这可真是个女性生殖器官的精彩之夜

Now I see three of you.

旁边有三个男的

Do we know the father or is this some Mamma Mia nonsense

知道谁是生父吗还是像《妈妈咪呀》那样

但是妈妈的三个旧情人中并不知道谁才是生父

这部音乐剧中女主角结婚想请父亲来

I'm the father.

我是孩子的爹

Okay Dad how far apart are the contractions

孩子的爹阵痛间隔是多久

No idea. Ask him.

不知道问他

12 minutes.

12分钟

12 minutes Why are you here

12分钟吗那你们来干嘛

Aren't we supposed to get here an hour and a half early

不是应该提早一个半小时到场吗

This is a hospital not the airport.

这里是医院不是机场

I'm sorry. It's our first time.

对不起了我们第一次生孩子

It's okay.

没事的

This little one will be here before you know it.

小家伙很快就会出生了

Do we know what we're having

知道会是男孩还是女孩吗

No we're keeping it a surprise.

不知道我们想留个惊喜

Old school. Nice.

传统作风我喜欢

Not that old school. He knows.

也没那么传统他知道

You see I was at the doctor's office

是这样嘛我当时在医生办公室嘛

the folder was right there so I took a peek.

然后孩子档案就放在那边嘛我就偷看一眼嘛

And talking like this doesn't make it less creepy.

就算你这么说那件事也还是很变态嘛

Sweetheart go home.

亲爱的你先回家

Come back when the contractions are five minutes apart for an hour.

等阵痛间隔5分钟持续一小时后再来

I'm sorry. That's ambiguous.

抱歉这说得有点不清楚

Is it five minutes apart starting at the top of the hour

这间隔五分钟是包含第一次的这一个小时

or five minutes apart starting with the first contraction

还是第一次5分钟间隔阵痛后一小时

so essentially like 65 minutes

所以基本上就是维持65分钟后

I'm just throwing this out there

我就随口这么一说

but home births are very popular these days.

但这年头家中分娩也挺流行的

Sheldon what took you so long

谢尔顿为什么你拖这么久

Wolowitz might hand out cigars.

生孩子父亲都会发雪茄庆祝

I had to find my bubble gum cigar

所以我得找出我的泡泡糖雪茄

so I could join in without looking foolish.

到时才能不像个傻逼地加入大家

Damn I need my inhaler.

靠我得去拿我气喘药

Just don't smoke.

你别跟着抽就好啦

No I went down the stairs too fast.

不是是我下楼跑太快

Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.

别来医院我们要回家了

Oh that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out

这也太快了她是打喷嚏把孩子打出来了吗

We showed up too early. We'll keep you posted.

我们太早就去医院了有新情况再通知你

Okay well we'll talk to you guys later. Bye.

好吧那我们之后再联系再见

She said not to come. It's gonna be a while.

她说先别去还得一阵子

Well first deliveries can be slow.

第一胎是有可能拖很久

I am starting to rethink the Flash onesie I bought this kid.

我开始犹豫买给这孩子的闪电侠哈衣对不对了

I found it but it's empty.

我找到了但是里面空了

Well it doesn't matter. We're not going to the hospital now.

无所谓了我们现在先不去医院了

Are you sure I'd really like to.

你确定吗我还挺想去的

Well should we uh head back up

那我们是不是要... 再回去啊

Come on guys.

大家来嘛

We're all awake. Why don't we go to a diner or something

反正都起来了一起去个小餐厅之类的啊

Oh uh I don't know.

不知道啊

Sheldon you don't want to do that do you

谢尔顿你不想去的对吧

It doesn't matter what I want.

我想不想去不是重点啊

It's your birthday. You decide. Oh my God

-今天是你生日寿星最大 -天啊

It's your birthday Let's do something fun.

是你生日啊一起去做点好玩的

Well we could go to a bar.

我们可以一起去酒吧

Well...

这个嘛...

Okay I can breathe again. Babe they want to have sex.

好了我又能呼吸了亲爱的他们想做爱

Oh of course

当然啊

The annual birthday booty spectacular

年度生日庆祝打炮大典

That's a bit childish isn't it

你这样有点幼稚了吧

I'm sorry and what flavor is your bubble gum cigar

真不好意思啊你的泡泡糖雪茄啥口味来着

Grape. I find it the most mild.

葡萄这口味最温和

All right well you two go have fun.

好吧你们俩去好好快活

If we find my backup inhaler maybe we can get frisky.

如果我找到备用药我们也能快活一把

Oh you sexy wheezy little man.

你个性感气喘吁吁小家伙

Do you really need to record this

真的有需要录下来吗

You'll be happy I did.

以后你会感谢我的

Okay little one here we are back at home

好啦小家伙我们又回家来了

because you weren't quite ready to come out yet.

因为你还没完全准备好降生到这个世界上来

You wanted to make an entrance. I get it.

你隆重登场我懂

And here's your daddy.

你老爸在这呢

When he tries to tell you he used to be cool

当他想骗你说他过去很酷的时候

you can see he wasn't.

你可以眼见为实知道他并不酷

All right enough with the camera.

好了好了别录了

Well this is not for me. This is for the baby.

这又不是为我录的是为宝宝录的

Some day she's gonna want to see this.

有一天她会想看的

I'm sorry.

不好意思

Who's gonna want to see this

你说谁会想看的

I I said she

我说的是"她"

but lots of things are she

但好多事物都是用"她"指代的

boats and cars

比如船啊车啊

whales. Like thar she blows.

鲸鱼啊比如 "瞧她喷水啦"

You're doing great.

圆场圆得好极了

Raj

拉杰

Well okay I'm gonna sign off now.

好吧我先不录了

This next part may contain some adult language.

接下来这部分可能包含一些儿童不宜的语言

How could you

你怎么能这样

We made it this far without knowing

我们坚持到现在都不知道宝宝性别

and you ruined it

全被你毁了

Well you guys have no idea how hard it is

你们根本不知道守着这么大个秘密

to know something like this and not say it

却谁也不能告诉有多难

You told me it was a girl and I didn't say it.

你早就告诉我是女儿了我就没泄密

Raj You were supposed to keep that to yourself.

-拉杰 -你不该说出来的

Oh yeah. I guess it is hard.

是啊看来是挺难的

So... where were we

那个我们之前进行到哪了

Well I believe

我很肯定

we were kissing like randy teenagers

我们之前正像欲求不满的青少年那样热吻

and your nose was whistling ever so slightly.

你的鼻子因为不通气轻轻地发出吹哨声

I'm sorry.

不好意思啊

Oh don't be.

没关系的

You were like a foxy tea kettle.

你就像一只性感的茶壶

Well shall we start over

我们要重头来过吗

Very well.

好的

What's wrong

哪里不对头吗

I'm not sure.

我也说不好

Earlier tonight things began organically

今晚早些时候我们是自然而然开始的

and now it's feeling forced

现在感觉是为了做而做

like all the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels.

就像电影《加勒比海盗》那些续集一样

Okay that makes sense.

好吧这么说也有道理

I mean the mood's a little different now.

气氛的确是有点变了

We we don't have to rush.

我们不必急着做的

Oh I know

我知道

but Leonard and Penny think we're doing it

但莱纳德和佩妮以为我们已经开搞了

and I don't want to disappoint them.

我不想让他们失望

And the mood continues to change.

气氛继续急转直下

No and also I don't want to disappoint you. I...

不是的我当然也不想让你失望我

You know come on. It's your birthday.

来吧今天是你生日

I can soldier through this.

我能咬牙挺过去

H Hold on.

等一下

I think I might have a little surprise

我觉得我有份小惊喜

that might help get things back on track.

或许能帮我们重回正轨

Intriguing.

真撩人

Is back on track a hint

"重回正轨"是不是提示我

that it has something to do with trains

小惊喜和火车有关

No.

不是

Because if it did have to do with trains

因为如果和火车有关

and you were gonna give... It's not about trains

-而你又要 -和火车没关系

Oh. Not even a cozy sleeper car on the Orient Express...

连东方快车的舒适软卧都...

Stop talking about trains

别再提火车了

Who's killing the mood now

还嫌别人破坏气氛呢

Found the backup inhaler. Want to have sex

我找到备用气喘药了想爱爱吗

Well I didn't until I heard that.

听到你这么说不想也想了

Hang on. I'm counting.

等一下药还得憋几秒

It's okay. Mm.

好了

Hello

有人在家吗

Howard and Bernadette kicked me out

霍华德和伯纳黛特把我踢出来了

because I told them they're having a girl

因为我告诉他们宝宝是女儿

Oopsy I did it again.

糟糕又说漏嘴了

Maybe if we're quiet he'll go away.

如果我们不出声或许他会离开

You're gonna have to be quieter than that.

可你这不就出声了吗

Can I look yet

我能睁开眼睛了吗

One second.

马上

All right you can open your eyes.

好了你可以睁开眼睛了

I thought I'd let Harry Potter

我想就让哈利·波特的魔法

make things hotter.

让气氛变得"特"辣热起来吧

Wowza.

要命了

I got a Gryffindor robe for you.

我给你买了葛莱芬多的长袍

A Gryffindor sleeping with a Hufflepuff

葛莱芬多的人和赫奇帕奇的人搞在一起

How scandalous.

竟有这等桃色丑闻

You naughty girl.

你个淘气丫头

根据《哈利波特》故事设计的主题公园

You went to the Wizarding World theme park without me.

你居然不带我自己去了魔法世界

I did.

没错

Am I in trouble

我惹上麻烦了吗

Yes you're in trouble

你麻烦大了

you went to Wizarding World without me

你居然不带我自己去魔法世界

Wait what just happened

等等怎么风云突变

You know I've been wanting to go.

你明知道我一直想去的

Sheldon do you really want to argue with me

谢尔顿你真的想在我生日这天

on my birthday

和我吵架吗

Oh you're right.

你说得对

I'm sorry.

对不起

Ooh. Happy birthday to me.

祝我生日快乐

Hello...

有人在家吗

Is this about the baby

是宝宝有新情况了吗

No. People just keep kicking me out everywhere I go.

不只是我走到哪都被人拒之门外

Good. Then you're used to this.

很好反正你都习惯了

Hey Bernadette's water broke

伯纳黛特的羊水破了

Come on Everyone to the hospital

快走都到医院去

You have got to be kidding me

有没有搞错

Just try to relax. We'll be there any minute.

试着放松点我们随时就到

Stuart stop driving like an old man.

斯图尔特别再像老头子一样开车了

Speed it up a little.

开快点

I'm not an old man

我才不是老头子

I just can't see at night.

我只是一到晚上就看不清楚

Here comes another one.

又开始宫缩了

Hey Squinty the gas pedal's on the right

老斜眼右边那个才是油门

All right hang on.

好吧坐稳了

If you see any pedestrians just call 'em out.

如果你看到前面有路人叫他们闪开

Howard and Bernadette's kid

霍华德和伯纳黛特的宝宝

might be born on your birthday.

可能在你的生日出生

How cool is that

这很酷吧

Yeah but I thought this baby was supposed to ruin

是啊但我以为这个宝宝本该毁掉的

their sex life not mine.

是他们的性生活不是我的

This is not how I imagined this day going

这一天和我想象得一点都不一样

I should be with them right now.

此时此刻我应该陪在他们身边的

Well it is their child.

可这是他们的宝宝啊

I know that.

我当然明白

But to be fair I've spent nine months

但平心而论我花了九个月时间

helping Bernadette get ready for this baby.

帮助伯纳黛特做好迎接宝宝的准备

And Howard spent five minutes conceiving it.

霍华德不过花了五分钟让她怀上宝宝而已

And I'm being generous.

说五分钟都是给他面子了

Five minutes

才五分钟

We must be doing it wrong.

我们肯定哪里做错了

It took us hours.

我们一做好几个小时呢

And and the worst part is

最糟糕的部分是

that they kicked me out and let Stuart stay.

他们居然把我赶走让斯图尔特留下

I understand but this is a special day for them.

我理解你但这特别的一天是属于他们的

Can you just try and let it go

你能不能别再计较了

She's right.

她说得对

You know I just learned Amy went to a theme park without me

我刚刚得知艾米不带我自己去了主题公园

but I'm not going to ruin her birthday.

但我不会毁了她的生日

I'll wait and ruin 24 individual hours

我会等在接下来一年里

sprinkled throughout the year.

一次一小时不定时毁足她24小时

Deep breaths slow breaths.

深呼吸慢慢地呼吸

I'm so thirsty. Give me more ice chips.

我还是很渴再给我点碎冰

Sorry. I... thought these were room ice chips.

抱歉我以为这是随屋赠送的碎冰

I'll go get some more.

我去再拿些来

Uh Stuart while you're out there

斯图尔特既然你出去了

don't come back.

就不用回来了

Okay.

好

So what are we gonna name this kid

我们给这孩子取什么名字呢

Now that we know she's a girl

现在我们知道了是女孩

it kind of ruins my plan for Wally Wolowitz.

沃利·沃罗威茨这名字算是泡汤了

Could name her after your mom.

可以用你妈妈的名字

Debbie

黛比

No.

算了

She hated that name.

她讨厌这个名字

Did she have a middle name

她有中间名吗

Melvina.

玛尔维娜

Let's keep thinking.

我们继续想想

It sucks that she's not here.

真讨厌她不能在这陪着我们

I know.

我懂

She would've been the best grandma.

她还在的话一定会是最棒的奶奶

She did always have candy in her pocket.

她的口袋里的确总是有糖果

Yeah.

是啊

I was 20 years old before I figured out

我到20岁时才明白

Tootsie Rolls weren't naturally warm.

巧克力卷并不是自带温度的

I didn't know her five minutes and she asked

我刚认识她五分钟她就问我

Are you a Milky Way or a Snickers girl

你爱吃星河巧克力还是士力架

Thank God you answered right we wouldn't be here today.

谢天谢地你答对了否则我们现在哪能在这里啊

It's hard to believe Howard's having a kid.

真难相信霍华德要做父亲了

Yeah.

就是

Penny you're the one who introduced him to Bernie.

佩妮是你把妮妮介绍给他的

How many times do I have to say I'm sorry

我得说多少次对不起才行啊

It's not just Howard and Bernadette. I mean

不仅是霍华德和伯纳黛特

look how far we've all come.

看看我们的变化

You two got married.

你俩结婚了

Sheldon and I are living together.

谢尔顿和我同居了

But if my mom asks we have bunk beds.

但如果我妈问起就说我们睡的上下铺

Penny was a struggling actress when we met

我们刚认识时佩妮是个落魄的小演员

and now she's a successful pharmaceutical rep.

现在她是成功的医药代表

Okay you don't have to say struggling every time.

你不用每次都强调落魄

You can just say actress.

说演员就行

Howard went to space.

霍华德上过太空

Bernadette got her doctorate.

伯纳黛特获得了博士学位

Sheldon Howard and I are working with the government

谢尔顿霍华德和我在为政府做

on our quantum gyroscope.

量子陀螺仪

We've all come a long way.

我们都有了长足的进步

There's a lot to be proud of.

很多都值得骄傲

For God's sake just drive in the knife why don't you

老天爷你们干脆一刀捅死小爷算了

What's your problem Well you're all thinking

-你发什么疯 -你们都认为

that I'm the only one who hasn't done anything worthwhile.

我是唯一一个没有任何建树的人

I was not thinking it.

我没这样想

Although now that you point it out it is undeniable.

不过既然你自己挑明了这的确是不可否认的事实

Raj if it's any consolation

拉杰希望这话能让你心理平衡一些

I'm no better off than I was ten years ago.

我和十年前混得一样惨

Oh yay

好棒

I have a doctorate in astrophysics

我是天体物理学的博士

and I'm every bit as awesome

我和面色苍白的

as the pasty faced owner of a comic book store

漫画店老板一样"优秀"

Raj Show some compassion.

拉杰有点同情心好吗

Those are things that we think but don't say.

这些话只能想不能说出来

Excuse me.

失陪了

Sorry Stuart.

抱歉斯图尔特

Hey I'm in a hospital and I'm not the patient.

我在医院但不是病人

I'm fine.

我乐着呢

Come on Bernie breathe.

好了妮妮呼吸

Remember what you learned in birthing class.

还记得在生产课上学的吗

I remember thinking this is stupid

我记得我觉得这样做很傻逼

and I was right

我是对的

Do you want me to get the nurse

要我叫护士吗

No If one more person puts their fingers near my uterus

不要再有人胆敢将手指靠近我的子宫

I'm gonna cross my legs and snap 'em off

我会用"夺命剪刀脚"将手指掰断

I've come to peace with my relationship with my parents.

我与父母的关系得到了缓解

That was a big milestone for me.

对我来说这是重要的里程碑

Oh speaking of personal growth

说到个人成长

I recently tried eating Swiss chard.

我最近尝试吃了瑞士甜菜

You know I didn't swallow it but Amy said it counted.

我只嚼没咽但艾米说这样就很棒了

Still a loser or did you turn things around

依然是废柴吗还是说你离开的这段时间

while you were gone

扭转乾坤咸鱼翻身

You know Raj honey

拉杰亲爱的

you're being too hard on yourself.

你对自己太严苛了

When I first met you you couldn't even talk to women.

我刚认识你时你甚至不敢跟女人说话

I mean you couldn't even talk if one was in the room.

只要房间里有一个女人你就不敢出声

Oh great now I can say

很好现在我可以说

things like I can't believe you're breaking up with me.

"我真不敢相信你要和我分手"

Why are you breaking up with me

"你为什么和我分手"

Yes I'll still help you move.

"是我还是会帮你搬家的"

Anyone else want to try

还有人想试试吗

Uh yeah I got something.

我有话要说

Raj

拉杰

not everybody could be a dog owner.

不是所有人都能做狗的主人

Oh what Did your doggie break up with you too

怎么啦你的狗狗也和你分手了吗

Hey I bought M&Ms at the vending machine

我在自动贩卖机买了巧克力豆

and two bags came out.

结果出来两包

I bought the first one

第一包是我买的

it didn't fall.

投币后没出来

Here.

给

She's here the baby's here

她出生了宝宝出生了

Congratulations

恭喜了

How's Bernadette

伯纳黛特好吗

Tired but great.

很累但是很好

They're both great.

母女都平安

Does the baby have a name yet

给宝宝取了名字吗

We have named her Halley.

我们给她取名叫哈雷

Oh like Halley's comet.

哈雷彗星的名字

Exactly.

是的

Also like the comet Bernadette said

与哈雷彗星相同的还有一点

she's not gonna have sex with me for another 75 years.

伯纳黛特说她每隔75年才和我上床一次

That's not a real thing he's just joking.

这不是真的他只是开玩笑

I'm gonna get back.

我要回去了

Thank you for staying up I can't wait for Halley to meet

感谢你们的陪伴我迫不及待想让哈雷见见

her new aunts and uncles

她的叔叔阿姨们

and godfather.

还有教父

Really

真的吗

Of course.

当然

You hear that Stuart

听到了吗斯图尔特

I've got a dog and a godchild you have nothing

我有狗有教女你屁都没有

Oh look at all the babies

看这些小宝宝

Some will be successful

有些会成为成功人士

some may be homeless.

有些可能会做流浪汉

It's fun to think about.

想想就觉得有趣

I wonder which one's Halley.

不知道哪个是哈雷

Kind of hard to see the names.

很难看清楚名字

Mm that one kind of looks like Bernadette.

那个长的像伯纳黛特

They all look the same to me.

我觉得都长一个样子

Guys

伙计们

she's my goddaughter

她是我的教女

I think I'll know when I see her.

我想我看到她时会认出来的

That one.

那个

Well that was quite a day.

好累的一天

It was.

是的

Bernadette had her baby

伯纳黛特生了孩子

I made it to Wizarding World

我去了魔法世界

and now it is time to complete your birthday celebration.

现在是时候完成你的生日庆典了

Hankius

听我所令

pankius.

宽衣解带

I was afraid you'd be too tired.

我还担心你会太累呢

Amy I just saw a magic train

艾米我刚看到了魔法火车

and reported somebody for cutting the line.

还举报了有人插队

If that's not foreplay I don't know what is.

如果这都不算前戏那我不知道还能怎么戏了

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