生活大爆炸-S05E02_生活大爆炸

S01

What are you doing

你干嘛呢

Oh uh Priya's calling in a few minutes on Skype

普丽娅一会要跟我用Skype视频

and we are gonna have a dinner date.

我们准备共进晚餐

It's 8 o'clock in the morning in Mumbai.

现在是孟买时间早上八点

How can she have dinner

她怎么就吃起晚饭来了

Fine whatever.

好吧随你怎么说

Priya will be having breakfast.

那普丽娅就吃早餐好了

All right so technically it's not a dinner date.

好吧所以严格来讲你们俩不是共进晚餐

I suppose you could call it a uh dinfast date.

也许你勉强可以把这称为共进早晚餐

But if you did you'd open yourself

不过你要是真这么叫的话

to peer based mocking such as

你肯定会被别人笑死人家肯定会说

"Hey Leonard how was your dinfast with Priya last night "

莱纳德你昨晚跟普丽娅的早晚餐吃的好吗

That doesn't sound like mocking.

听起来不像是在笑话我呀

You didn't let me finish.

我还没说完呢

Dinfast.

早晚餐

Are those soy based candles

那是大豆蜡的蜡烛吗

I don't know. Why

不知道怎么了

Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens.

石蜡蜡烛可能含有致癌物

Unless lung cancer is the ambiance

当然啦你要是想吃顿早晚餐

you were going for at your dinfast.

还搭上肺癌的话我也不拦你

Dinfast.

早晚餐

Listen I don't want to be rude

我不想无礼

but Priya's gonna be calling any minute so...

可是普丽娅随时都会打来

Oh yes Priya.

对哦普丽娅

Leonard you know I make a point of

莱纳德你知道我从来

never interfering in your personal affairs.

都不干涉你的私事

Yes I've always admired that about you.

没错我也一直很欣赏你这点

As well you should.

那是当然

But I'm going to make an exception here.

但是我这次要破例了

Oh good.

又来了

Priya has moved back to India to pursue her law career.

普丽娅回印度去发展自己的法律事业

Instead of desperately trying

你与其花这些时间绝望地挣扎

to keep this intercontinental relationship alive

费劲心思地保持这段跨洲恋情

you could use that time to take up a hobby.

你还不如找点别的兴趣爱好呢

A hobby

兴趣爱好

Yes.

没错

I read recently about a fellow in Kansas

我最近得知堪萨斯州一个家伙

with an enormous ball of twine.

拿麻绳团了一个巨大的球

I bet you could give him a run for his money.

我认为你可以跟他一比高下

You know some people might say that it's great

你知道吗有些人可能会说

that we're trying to make things work long distance.

我们俩保持这种异地恋是精神可嘉的事

They'd say things like

他们会说

"Love is stronger than the miles between you".

爱情不会被你们俩之间的距离所打败

When I rise to power those people will be sterilized.

等有一天我掌权了我肯定会灭掉这帮人

You video chat with Amy all the time.

你也整天跟艾米视频呀

How is this different

咱俩干的事有什么不同

Don't you like Amy

你不喜欢艾米吗

Of course I like Amy.

我当然喜欢艾米啦

Well there's the difference.

可我不喜欢普丽娅呀

Excuse me that's Priya.

不好意思普丽娅打来了

Hi Leonard.

莱纳德

Hey honey.

亲爱的

I miss you.

我好想你

Oh I miss you too.

我也好想你

I miss the old days when your romantic partners

我怀念以前爱情伴侣们

could be returned to the video store.

能退回录像店的日子

Thanks for letting me stay here

谢谢你让我待在这

while Leonard Skypes with his girlfriend.

这样我就不用看着莱纳德跟他女朋友视频了

Oh it's no problem.

小意思

It's actually kind of nice.

这种感觉还挺不错的呢

You reading me reading.

你在看书我也在看书

We're like an old married couple.

咱俩就像一对老夫老妻似的

If we were an old married couple

咱俩要真是老夫老妻的话

the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.

妻子这个时候就会端上冻柠茶和曲奇饼了

I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.

我家没有冻柠茶和曲奇饼

A good wife would go to the store.

尽职的妻子就会去商店买

I want a divorce.

我要离婚

Good. On the way to see the lawyer

很好你去找律师的路上

pick up some tea and cookies.

别忘了买点冻柠茶和曲奇饼

I must say I am enjoying your new chair.

我还真得说我挺喜欢你这张新椅子的

It's great isn't it

舒服吧

It is.

没错

Aligns the lumbar

符合腰椎曲线

cradles the coccyx balances the buttocks.

支撑住了尾骨还平衡了臀部

This is a chair worthy of the name.

这椅子还真对得起它的名字

What name

什么名字

Chair.

椅子呀

Oh all right well I'm glad you like it.

好吧你喜欢就好

I mean I still can't get over the fact

我还是想不通

someone just threw it away.

怎么有人就忍心把它给扔了呢

What

你说什么

Yeah it was just sitting on the street.

就是说呀这椅子就被丢在路上

I paid a homeless guy ten bucks to help me get it up here.

我给了个流浪汉十块钱让他帮我把这张椅子搬上来的

Oh dear. Oh dear.

哦天呐哦天呐

What is wrong

你怎么啦

I've been sitting in garbage

我刚坐在垃圾上了

Sheldon take it easy.

谢尔顿淡定嘛

You take it easy I need to use your shower.

你去淡定吧我得去趟浴室

I went into this marriage with so much hope.

我当年结婚的时候还是太过乐观了

There's a wet Band Aid on the shower floor

浴室地板上有张湿创口贴

By aBu 201705

生活大爆炸第五季第二集

This is fun.

真有意思

I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before.

我还从来没用过热成型液压机呢

Pretty sweet huh

很赞吧

This little baby set the university back 175 grand.

这个小玩意儿花了学校十七万五千刀

That's three minutes.

三分钟到了

Shall we see what we got Hang on

-让我们看看成果如何 -马上好

Oh yeah.

哦也

This is one good looking panini.

这真是个有型的三明治

Hand me the tuna melt.

把金枪鱼三明治给我

Yep. Thank you.

-给 -多谢

How's it going with the long distance love affair

你那跨国异地恋怎么样啦

Not easy but we're making it work.

不容易啊但我俩正在努力

When you say "Making it work " does that include doing the cyber nasty

你这句"正在努力"包不包括玩些线上耍流氓啊

What

什么

You know the virtual pickle tickle.

你懂的就是虚拟的很黄很暴力的那种啊

The digital... bow chicka bow bow.

数字化的嘿嘿咻咻

Come on dude. This is my sister you're talking about.

拜托伙计你在说我妹啊

Hey Leonard jiggling his junk at her

喂对你来说

through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with

莱纳德在摄像头里对着她抖那货

than him actually touching her with it.

总要好过他当着她的面拿那货戳她吧

There's no junk jiggling.

我没那么猥琐

We just talk.

我们就是聊天而已

Are you sane

你疯了吧

With high speed Internet you have at your fingertips

有了高速互联网你的指尖下

注: 小手帕是撸sir之友

the greatest advancement in the field of sex

就是继小手帕之后性爱领域的

since the invention of the washcloth.

最伟大的进步啊

I can't do that.

我不能那么做

Well if you don't

好吧你要是不这么做

you're gonna lose Priya to some fancy guy in a turban

你就是把普丽娅拱手让给某个

who grew up with Kama Sutra coloring books.

从小看《印度爱经》插图版长大的头巾男了

How can you be so racist

你怎么能这么种族歧视呢

Oh come on tell me I'm wrong.

拜托我哪句说错了

Oh Leonard good.

莱纳德很好

There you are.

找到你了

I need you to check my head for chair lice.

我需要你来检查我头上有没有虱子

I did it last night I'm not doing it again.

我昨晚查过了我不能再犯傻了

Just his head right

没检查别的地儿对吧

I don't want to talk about it.

我不想聊这事儿

You didn't catch bugs from Penny's chair.

佩妮椅子上的虫子没跑到你身上

Yes I did.

不对有虫子

And now they're cavorting at the base of my hair follicles

现在它们在我的发根毛囊里欢呼雀跃

like dancing hippies at the Redwood National Forest.

就像在红木国家森林公园里跳舞

Sheldon you do this all the time.

谢尔顿你老是这样

You fixate on some crazy idea

你总是纠结于某个傻乎乎的想法

and then blow it way out of proportion.

然后无限制地放大

Name one time I've ever done that.

请举一个例子

How about when you put GPS trackers in your garbage

比如上次你把GPS追踪器放进垃圾桶里

because you were convinced North Korean spies

就因为你坚信朝鲜间谍

were stealing your doodles

在偷你的草稿纸

The chicken nuggets you were sure were human nuggets.

还有你坚信是人肉做的鸡块

The strangely shaped cloud that was following you around town.

还有那朵奇形怪状的在城里老跟踪你的云

The time you put on my shirt by mistake

还有那次你错穿了我的T恤

and were convinced you'd started growing again.

还以为自己又开始长个儿了

I said "Name one."

我说的是 "举一个例子"

You really need to work on your listening skills.

你的听力真得练练了

Penny.

佩妮

Penny. Penny.

佩妮佩妮

Yello.

乃好[你好]

You need to remove that chair from the building.

你得把那个椅子从楼里搬出去

It's a health hazard.

它是个卫生隐患

Okay relax. I took off the slipcovers

好吧淡定吧我把家具套给拆下来

had them dry cleaned and then fumigated the cushions.

送去干洗了坐垫也熏蒸消毒了

Really

真的吗

Yeah. It's cleaner than my couch.

必须的它现在比我的沙发还干净

Found half a Hot Pocket in there.

我还在里面找到了半个鸡蛋灌饼呢

It certainly looks okay.

看起来还不错

Has a strong toxic chemical smell.

有一股强烈的有毒化学药剂味

That's reassuring.

真让人安心啊

Why don't you give it a try Sheldon

坐上去试试呗谢尔顿

All right.

好吧

It is a comfortable chair.

这椅子挺舒服

Why don't you just admit you overreacted

你为啥不承认你之前反应过激了呢

No thank you.

不必了多谢

It's like living with a Chihuahua.

简直像跟个吉娃娃一起住一样

Penny. Penny. Penny.

佩妮佩妮佩妮

What's up buttercup

有事吗小毛孩

You have to get rid of the chair.

你必须把那椅子扔了

Nope.

不

Penny. Penny. Penny.

佩妮佩妮佩妮

What's the word hummingbird

想叽歪啥呀小蜂鸟

For your safety please wait in my apartment

为你安全考量请到我们那等着

as I call the authorities so they may remove the chair of death.

让我报警请他们搬走这死亡之椅

No.

不要

Penny Penny Penny

佩妮佩妮佩妮

What's the gist physicist

有何指示小物理学家

Under my authority as a self appointed member

作为本街道疾控中心

of the Centers for Disease Control street team...

自封的一员我宣布

...these premises are condemned.

此房屋应报废

As a man with a keen sense of style

作为有着敏锐时尚感的达人

I must tell you that chair does not work with the room.

我必须说那椅子跟你家一点都不配

Penny

佩妮

Penny

佩妮

Penny.

佩妮

So here we are.

好了

Back in bed together.

我们一起回房上床了

Yep here we are.

是的一起上床了

Okay so I I guess I'll just jump right in.

好了那我来直入主题吧

All right.

好的

Uh you're a naughty girl.

呃你是个淘气的坏女孩

And And uh I I want to punish you with my love

我我要要用爱来鞭挞你

What

搞毛啊

Not good

不好吗

That's terrible. Try again.

太可怕了再来

Okay.

好的

Uh uh you're... not naughty.

你...你一点都不淘气

Uh you're you're you're dirty.

你你是下流

You're...

你是...

You're a a dirty girl

你是下流的坏女孩

Oh yes.

对

Yes I am.

对下流之极

Yeah yeah. Uh okay.

好好我摸懂门道了

You're a you're a...

你你是个...

You're a a dirty...

你是一个一个下流

disgusting...

淫秽

revolting girl.

叛逆的女孩

God Leonard stop talking.

天啊莱纳德求你闭嘴吧

Why don't you just give me five minutes

不然等我五分钟先

I'll Google how to do this. I'll call you right back.

我谷歌一下流程马上打回给你

Shh shh shh. Just be quiet and do what I tell you.

嘘嘘嘘你闭嘴听我命令行事

Okay like usual. Good.

好吧一如既往真好

Take off your shirt.

脱掉上衣

All rightie. Shirt coming off.

好的脱掉我的小上衣

Ta da Man nipples.

哇啦男士小咪咪哦

I said be quiet. Yes ma'am.

-我说了闭嘴 -是长官

Now take off your shorts.

现在脱掉你的短裤

Taking shorts off.

小裤衩脱掉

There we go.

好了

Naked naked naked

赤裸裸光溜溜滑嫩嫩

Wonderful.

好极了

Now I'll take off my clothes.

现在轮到我脱了

Cool.

酷

Here I am baby.

你看宝贝

You miss these

你想它们了吗

Oh damn it

靠见鬼

Oh Leonard Already

哦莱纳德这就缴械了?!

No no No no no

不不不是这样的

The screen froze.

我屏幕不动了

It's probably just buffering

可能还在缓冲

Just give it a second.

你稍等等嘛

Fine.

好吧

So how are your mom and dad

你父母还好吗

Yeah I really don't want to talk about my parents now.

我现在真的不想谈论我父母

Yeah. Sure sure.

好的当然当然

If your video's frozen

如果你的视频卡住了

try resetting the TCP/IP stack.

试着重新设置下TCP/IP堆栈

I didn't even think of that. Thanks.

我怎么没想到谢了

You're welcome. Please let me know when

不客气但请一定通知一声

you and your girlfriend are done

等你和你的女友

hogging the bandwidth for your self abuse.

不再占着带宽撸管

I'm trying to stream a movie on Netflix in here.

我打算要在Netflix上看部电影呢

Netflix:世界上最大的在线影片租赁提供商

Five six seven eight.

五六七八

Tall and tan and young and lovely

高挑黝黑年轻可爱

The girl from Ipanema goes walking

来自依帕内玛的女孩翩翩而来

And when she passes each one she passes goes...

当她走过时每个遇见的人都...

Amy Amy Amy

艾米艾米艾米

Oh...

哦...

You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behavior is

你应该注意到你习惯的敲门行为

symptomatic of obsessive compulsive disorder.

是一种强迫症紊乱的表象

Is not.

这不是

Is not is not.

不是不是

Denial. Denial denial. Come in.

抵赖抵赖你就抵赖吧请进

Thank you.

谢谢

Would you like to hear me play a bossa nova standard on the harp

你想听我用竖琴弹奏波萨诺伐舞曲吗

No.

不想

How about the theme song

要不然我换首

to the classic television show Diff'rent Strokes

经典电视剧《Diff'rent冲程》的主题曲吧

Now the world don't move to the beat...

如今的世界已经不再跟着节奏走...

No.

不想

Well that's every song I know. What's up

好吧我就会这么几首了什么事

You're good friends with Penny right

你和佩妮是好朋友对吧

Best friends besties

好朋友闺蜜

BFFs peas in a pod

永远的好友亲如同胞姐妹

sisters who would share traveling pants.

亲得可以穿一条裤子

Go on.

你继续

I was hoping she might listen to you

我是希望她可以听听你的意见

about the dangers of owning unhygienic furniture.

知道把不干净家具带回家的危险

For general educational purposes

你这是作为一般教育用途

or has she acquired a bar stool dipped in cholera

还是她顺了个浸在霍乱病毒中的酒吧凳回来

Cholera is water borne.

霍乱是饮水传染的

You're mocking me. Yes I am.

-你这是在嘲笑我 -没错

Penny has dragged a chair in off the street

佩妮从大街上拿回了个椅子

whose unknown provenance jeopardizes the health and welfare

这种出处不详的椅子会危害我们楼里

of every resident in our building.

每位住户的健康和幸福的

Sheldon just because you have a focus on

谢尔顿不能就因为你

cleanliness bordering on the psychotic

有神经病一样的洁癖

doesn't mean I have to participate.

我也得被你拉下水吧

All right name your price.

好吧你出个价

Kiss me where I've never been kissed before.

亲我从未被人亲过的地方

You mean like Salt Lake City

你是说类似盐湖城的地方吗

Never mind. I'll talk to Penny.

算了我会跟佩妮说的

Thank you.

谢谢

Will you listen to me play my harp now

那现在听我演奏竖琴好吗

No. I dislike the sound of the harp.

不要我不喜欢竖琴的声音

Its overuse in classic television sitcoms

竖琴在经典电视情景喜剧中的过度使用

always makes me think I'm going to

每每让我觉得

experience an episode from my past.

我过去的噩梦又再度上演了

I'm sorry Mommy. Don't be mad at me.

对不起妈咪别生我的气

Don't do that

别弹了

I don't know about this Howard.

我不懂的霍华德

What You're having trouble with the long distance lovemaking.

什么你对远程做爱有障碍吗

This is your answer.

这就是你的法宝

There are two interfaces that simulate a human mouth.

上面有两个端口能刺激嘴部

You have one Priya has one in India.

你这配一个在印度的普莉娅配一个

When you move your lips and tongue on yours

你只要移动你的嘴唇和舌头

it transmits exactly what you're doing to hers.

就能传输信号感觉像是你真的在吻她

See Internet kissing.

看见没网络亲吻

Give it a try.

来试试

I don't think so.

还是算了

I'll try it.

我来试试

Like this

像这样吗

Almost. Really get your tongue in there.

差不多把你的舌头伸进去

to activate the motion sensor.

激活感应器

Like this

像这样吗

Close. Really French it.

差不多了要法式舌吻

Better

好点了吗

Yeah you got it you got it.

对就这样太正点了

I'm impressed. This is very lifelike.

我震精了这感觉太逼真了

Whoa You just bit my tongue

擦你居然咬我舌头

I I nibbled. I was being playful.

轻咬而已我只想多点情趣

Why do you have to make everything weird

你干嘛要把一切都搞得这么猥琐

Sorry.

抱歉

Better

好点了吗

Oh yeah.

正点

Pretty cool huh

很不错哈

Probably would cost like 200 bucks in a store.

商店里买的话没准要两百块

I do appreciate a bargain.

是很划算

This entire ensemble once belonged to my dead grandmother.

我去世的奶奶以前有一套这种家具

You're kidding.

不是吧

Everything except bra and panties.

除了内衣内裤什么都分享了

维多利亚的秘密内衣品牌

And they're a leopard spotted secret I share with Victoria.

这可是我和维多利亚之间的独家小秘密哟

And now me.

而现在是和我了

I just have one question about the chair.

对这沙发椅我只有一个问题

And what's that

什么

Aren't you worried about it being unhygienic

你就不担心这个不卫生吗

No it's completely fine...

不完全没有...

Hmm. I get it.

我懂了

Sheldon sent you.

是谢尔顿

He put you up to this.

是他让你来找我

No he didn't. Really

-不他没有 -真的吗

Yes he did. He absolutely did.

是的他有就是他

My God Amy that's really crappy of you.

天啊艾米你太不够朋友了

It is

真的吗

Yeah Letting Sheldon use you to manipulate me

当然你让谢尔顿利用你来操控我

I thought you were my friend.

我还以为我们是朋友

No I am your friend. Please don't be mad at me.

不我们是朋友请别生我气

I can't even believe this.

我简直难以置信

You know maybe you should just go.

你最好还是走吧

No No I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

不对不起真的很对不起

I take it all back

我把刚才的话都收回

Look I'm uh I'm sitting in your chair.

看我坐在你的沙发椅上

There's nothing wrong with it.

完全没问题

It's a great chair.

这椅子棒极了

Please let me continue to be part of your world.

求你别把我踢出你的生活

What's wrong

怎么了

Something in the chair's biting my tushy.

椅子里有什么东西在咬我的臀部

It's not important. Ow

但这无所谓

Wait. Get up get up

快站起来

Swear you won't tell Sheldon what happened

发誓你不会把这事告诉谢尔顿

I swear

我发誓

Can I tell my doctor I'm probably gonna need shots

我能告诉我医生吗我觉得我得去打针

Yeah sure

当然可以

Oh hey babe I think I figured this thing out.

宝贝儿我觉得我已经懂了

Oh Leonard listen...

莱纳德先听我说

No you listen

不你给我听好

You're my woman

你是我的妞

and I'm gonna make you feel things you have never felt before.

我要给你前所未有的快感

Leonard...

莱纳德

That's right say my name...

就是这样用力叫出我的名字

and beg me for more 'cause...

求我求我再快点

I'm gonna give it to you.

我会努力让你达到巅峰

My parents are here.

我父母在旁边

Hello Leonard...

你好莱纳德

if I may also say your name.

我也能咬牙切齿用力喊你的名字吗

Check it out. Free chair.

看呀从天而降的沙发椅

Yeah.

可不是

Hey you know if this was in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment

要是谢尔顿和莱纳德的公寓里有个沙发椅

I wouldn't wind up sitting on the floor all the time.

我就不用老是坐在地板上了

On three

来吗

Three Three

-一二三 -抬

What kind of idiot throws away

哪个二货舍得扔掉这么好的沙发椅哟

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