生活大爆炸-S07E11_生活大爆炸

S01

Advantage left side competitor.

左方参赛者领先

Xbox 体感游戏《Kinect运动大会2》

Wow you're really good at this.

你很会玩这游戏啊

Well I have an extremely low center of gravity.

姐重心低下盘稳

I'm like a pyramid.

就像个金字塔

How you doing over there

你还好吗

Oh I hope it's just a sprain.

希望只是脚扭伤

I cannot walk into that E.R.

我没脸再因为打游戏受伤

with another video game injury.

而走进急诊室了

Hey Sheldon you want to play next

谢尔顿你要下一个玩吗

Oh I would but I'm on my way out.

我也想不过我得出门

Where Texas.

-去哪 -老家德州

Right now

现在去吗

Why

为什么

Is someone sick Yes.

-家里有人生病吗 -对的

My sister's uterus came down with a baby.

我姐的子宫要"生"小孩了

Oh she's pregnant That's great.

她怀孕啦那很好啊

You're gone an uncle Uncle Sheldon.

你要成为舅舅了谢尔顿舅舅

No I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.

不我是库伯博士舅舅

How come you never said she was pregnant

你怎么从来没说过她怀孕了

Well I never told you about my brother's kidney stone.

我也没跟你说过我哥有肾结石啊

You want to hear about everything

你这么想知道我全家人的

that comes out of my family's genitals

生殖器都有啥跑出来吗

Well congrats and it's nice

还是恭喜你啦

you're gonna be there for your sister.

你能回去陪她真贴心

Yes.

大概吧

I'm filling in for her husband who's recovering

我是被临时抓去的她老公因骑摩托

from a horrible motorcycle accident.

出了严重的车祸在疗养呢

Lucky duck.

这货运气真好

Wow so how long will you be gone

那你要去多久

Well she's due tomorrow.

她预计明天生

Although it did take her six years to finish high school

不过她当年高中念了六年

so who knows

鬼知道这次又要多久

Can I give you a ride to the airport

我能送你去机场吗

Oh no thank you I don't want to be an inconvenience.

不用了谢谢我不想麻烦你

Chop chop Leonard.

莱纳德麻利点

We leave in ten minutes.

我们十分钟后出发

第七季第十一集

生活大爆炸

All right here's the deal.

来吧这次是这样

Sheldon is gone so the tree decorating rules

谢尔顿不在他那些装饰树的规则

are out the window.

统统可以不用管了

Yeah which means

也就表示

we don't have to use his ridiculous

我们不需要按照他这个

ornament spacing template.

狗屁装饰间隔尺来摆了

And I'm happy to report its kickstarter campaign

我也很乐意为大家报告这在集资网上的

is holding strong at zero dollars.

募款额仍坚守在0元

Wait so Star Wars and Star Trek characters

等等所以今年《星际大战》与《星际迷航》的

can go on the same branch

角色可以挂同一棵树上吗

I know it's crazy.

是啊超不敢想象吧

Welcome to the Thunderdome people

欢迎来到雷霆穹顶

出自《疯狂的麦克斯》系列电影

I've never done this before.

我第一次过圣诞节

It's kind of fun.

真有意思

Yeah if your mom could see

如果你妈看见

her little Bar Mitzvah boy right now

她的乖犹太儿子现在在干嘛

she'd have a heart attack.

她一定会心脏病发的

Good idea I'll take a picture.

好主意我立刻拍照

Honey I'm a little strapped for cash this year

宝贝我今年手头有点紧

so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you...

所以圣诞礼物我打算给你...

this.

这尤物

I love it. Okay.

-我爱死了 -那就好

But it is what you got me last year.

但是你去年就送过我这个了

And last night.

还有昨晚

Hello.

大家好啊

Hi Stuart.

斯图尔特

Oh good I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start.

太感谢你们没等我到就开始了

Although you said 7 00

虽然你们说了7点开始

and it's it's 7 00 but that's fine.

而现在正好是7点不过没事啦

Oh it's probably Sheldon.

应该是谢尔顿打来吧

Hi Sheldon.

谢尔顿

Everybody's here say hi.

大家都在打个招呼吧

Hey buddy.

兄弟

Howdy.

你好吗

Hello.

你好啊

The second I go out of town

我前脚刚离开

you throw a Christmas party without me

你们后脚就自己办起了圣诞派对吗

Yeah kind of.

算吧

That's so thoughtful.

太为我着想了

You guys are the best.

你们最好了

Hey how's your sister

你姐姐怎么样了

She went into labor an hour ago.

她一个小时前就开始分娩了

That's wonderful. So you're at the hospital

那很好啊所以你现在在医院吗

No she chose to have a home birth...

不是她选择在家生

because she wants to live in the Stone Age

因为她想要像原始人一样

and a cave wasn't available.

而她又找不到洞穴

You know many people believe that home births are better

很多人都觉得在家生产对妈妈比较好

better because the mother is in a warm comfortable environment

因为她能够在一个温暖舒适环境下生产

where she can be nurtured by loved ones.

身边还有亲人给自己打气

And turn the bedroom floor

然后把浴室地板

into an amniotic Slip 'n Slide.

改成羊水滑水道吗

Shelly come on

谢利快过来

Your sister's fully dilated

你姐宫口完全开了

and she wants a nice family picture

她想要在满地是血之前

before there's blood everywhere

拍一张好看的全家福

Oh boy.

我的老天啊

I picked the wrong day to wear my good robot T shirt.

我今天真不该穿我这件机器人T恤

If you were having Sheldon's baby

如果有天你要给谢尔顿生仔

would you really want him in the room

你真的会希望他进产房陪你吗

Yeah if he's in the room when they're making the baby

如果在造人的时候谢尔顿有进同一个房间

I'll give you ten dollars.

我就给你十块钱

Hey I brought over It's a Wonderful Life

我带了《生活多美好》的碟来了

if you guys want to watch it later.

等会要一起看吗

Oh I love that movie.

我好喜欢那部电影

I've never seen it.

我从来没看过

Me neither. It's great.

-我也没看过 -那太好了

It's Christmastime and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed

故事发生在圣诞时节男主万念俱灰

and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself...

本来准备要跳桥自尽...

Don't need to see it. Living it.

不用看了这就是我的人生

But then he gets to see what the world

但上帝让他看到了

would be like if he'd never been born.

如果他从未出生世界会变得怎么样

Hey you ever imagine what that would be like

你想过如果没有你

Not being born

世界会如何吗

What do you think

你说呢

What do you think

你说呢

What do you think

你说呢[独自面对谢尔顿]

You make jokes about Sheldon

你们虽然取笑谢尔顿

but if it weren't for him

但如果没有他

I don't think any of us

我们之中的任何人

would be sitting in this room right now.

都不会在此时此刻坐在这里

Really Sheldon not being here

真的吗但谢尔顿不在

is the main reason I'm in this room.

就是我在今天来的主要原因

It's true.

我是说真的

None of you would know me.

你们绝对不会认识我

You wouldn't know Bernadette.

你不会认识伯纳黛特

You wouldn't be dating Penny. You don't know that.

-你也不会跟佩妮交往上 -这很难说

I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years.

我是芝士蛋糕工厂多年的常客

I could have picked her up.

我本来就有机会泡上她

Oh you weren't joking.

你不是开玩笑啊

No.

当然不是

Okay sweetie let me tell you

宝贝让我告诉你

exactly how that would have gone down.

当年如果只靠你自己会怎么发展吧

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask her out.

我要上了我要去约她

I'm gonna squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples.

巧克力奶还会从我乳头喷出来呢

Sorry I thought we're saying things

抱歉我还以为我们说的是

that are never gonna happen.

永远不可能发生事

Maybe this time he's going to do it.

或许这次他真开得了口

Hope you're thirsty here it comes.

希望你刚好口渴我要喷奶啦

Watch me.

看好了

Hey you guys ready to order or you need a few minutes

你们准备好要点菜了还是要再等一会

I uh ah um I...

我那个...

A few minutes it is.

那就是再等一会

You didn't ask her out but that was a lot of sounds.

虽然没成功但也比平时多发出了点声音

You guys are making me nervous.

你们的存在让我觉得紧张

Fine then go talk to her on your own.

那你自己过去跟她说话吧

I will.

去就去

Excuse me. Yeah

-打扰一下 -怎么了

Hi uh um I'm Leonard

你好我是莱纳德

Really You don't sound so sure.

是吗你好像不是很确定哦

No I am he.

不我就是他

Uh any anyway um

总之

there's been something I've wanted to ask you

有一件事我很久之前

for a long time. Um...

就想问你了

What's that Eh uh well

-什么事 -那个...

I was wondering if you're not too busy

我想知道如果你不忙的话

um uh if

你是否...

if you'd be interested in...

是否有兴趣

...telling me where the restroom is

告诉我洗手间在哪儿

I think you're too late.

我觉得来不及了

Come on I would not have peed my pants.

拜托我才不会尿裤子呢

She nailed it. Sounds about right.

-她没说错 -你就会那样

But you forget I did ask you out in real life.

但你忘了在现实生活中我的确有约你出去

Which couldn't have happened

如果你不住在她对面

if you didn't live across the hall from her

这事就不会发生

which couldn't have happened without Sheldon.

所以说还是得谢谢谢尔顿

Same goes with you guys.

你们俩也一样

If Leonard wasn't with Penny

如果莱纳德不跟佩妮在一起

she never would have set you up. Doesn't matter.

-她就不会给你俩牵红线 -无所谓啊

Bernadette still would've been working at The Cheesecake Factory

伯纳黛特还是会在芝士蛋糕工厂上班

and I still would've been working this beefcake factory.

而我还是肌肉猛男一枚

You would've been all over me.

你肯定会拜倒在我的高领衫下

Well...

这个嘛

Hey Penny can I take that table

佩妮我可以负责那桌吗

Sure why

可以啊为什么

The one in the turtleneck is cute.

那个穿高领衫的男生蛮帅的

Open wide

张大嘴

here comes the happy train.

美食火车要入山洞啦

Mm hmm chug a chug a yum yum.

好吃好吃呜呜

Hang on.

别动

You got a... you got a little something.

你嘴角有东西

Never mind.

还是算了吧

Oh man

天啊

that is so us.

真像咱俩

You know maybe you and I wouldn't be together

或许我们本来不会在一起

but you wouldn't have done so great yourself.

但没我你肯定好不到哪儿去

Why Because I know exactly

-为什么 -因为我清楚知道

the kind of guy you would've ended up with.

你最后会跟哪种人在一起

Hey babe.

宝贝

Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent

你有记得付房租吗

Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.

我做了件更棒的事我把钱拿去买魔豆了

Hey he may be an idiot

他或许是个蠢货

but at least he didn't pee himself.

但至少他不会尿裤子

Oh hold on.

还没说完呢

Aw babe I peed myself.

宝贝我尿裤子了

Me too.

我也是

The end.

剧终

Hi Sheldon.

谢尔顿

Everything okay

一切还好吗

No it's not.

不好

I've seen things.

我看见了可怕的东西

Lady things.

女人"那里"

Listen to me.

听我说

That is not the way they usually look.

那地方通常看上去不是那样

Doesn't matter.

不重要了

This is no way to make new humans.

这不是创造新人类的途径

People coming out of people.

人从人的身体里出来

It's some kind of dirty magic show.

就像是下流的魔术表演

Sheldon Lee Cooper.

谢尔顿·李·库珀

You get back in this room right now.

快给我回来

And bring a mop.

顺便拿个拖把

Did you hear that

你听见了吗

A mop.

拿拖把

I have two PhDs yet somehow I'm the janitor

我有两个博士学位而现在却成了

of my sister's birth canal.

我姐姐产道的清洁工

Hey Sheldon sent us all an e mail.

谢尔顿给我们都发了封邮件

"Happy holidays from Texas."

主题是"来自德州的节日问候"

And there's pictures.

还有图片呢

Don't open them. Do not open them.

别打开千万别打开

Oh come on.

拜托

Childbirth is a natural beautiful...

分娩是一个自然而又美丽的...

Oh it's like someone sawed a cow in half.

就像一头牛被人锯成了两半

My father's a gynecologist I think I can handle it.

我爸是妇科医生我能承受住

And now I'm gay.

我一秒钟被掰"弯"了

You know I was thinking. Without Sheldon

我在想如果没有谢尔顿

most of us would have never met

我们大部分人都不会相遇

but Penny would still live across from him.

但佩妮还是会住在他的对面

And with Leonard out of the picture

而莱纳德只是个不相干的人

we all know what that would mean.

我们都知道这意味着什么

We do

是吗

Hey Sheldon.

谢尔顿

Hello.

你好

Doing laundry

在洗衣服吗

Of course I'm doing laundry.

我当然在洗衣服啊

Saturday night is laundry night

周六晚上是洗衣之夜

and I'm in a laundry room so...

而且我在洗衣房

I believe your inference is justified.

你的推理是合理的

Oh my inference is justified.

我的推理是合理的

Sheldon you are so funny.

谢尔顿你好幽默哦

Anyway I need to do my laundry too

对了我也要洗衣服

because these clothes are so dirty.

因为这些衣服太脏了

Almost as dirty as the dirty girl who's wearing them.

就跟穿它的女孩一样脏[下流]

Okay that's enough.

够了别说了

Disagree. Keep going.

-不要 -继续说

So what do you think

你觉得怎么样

A tad asymmetrical

胸部有点不对称

but nothing to be concerned about.

但无须为乳腺癌担心

Please Sheldon. I need you.

拜托谢尔顿我要你

To... what

要我干嘛

To take me.

占有我[带我走]

I'm not taking you anywhere till you put on a shirt.

除非你把衣服穿上不然我哪儿也不会带你去

Come on Sheldon. You and me right here.

谢尔顿咱俩在这里开搞

Penny for the thousandth time

佩妮我再说第一千次

I'm saving myself for someone special.

我要为我的另一半守贞

Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist

或许她是一个戴眼镜的可爱神经学家

with hair the color of mud.

泥土颜色的秀发

I think I know how to change your mind.

我知道该怎么让你改变主意

That's enough.

别说了

I was okay with it.

我不介意继续听

How's it going Sheldon

怎么样了谢尔顿

Actually much better.

老实说好多了

Oh good. Is the baby born yet

太好了孩子出生了吗

I don't know. I just got back.

我不知道我刚回来

Where'd you go

你去哪里了

My mother asked me to get some towels.

我妈让我去弄几条毛巾

I took advantage of the vague request

她又没说去哪弄于是我钻了个空子

and went to Bed Bath & Beyond.

跑到连锁寝家具用品店去了

Excuse me I'm on the phone

小声点我在打电话呢

So rude.

太没礼貌了

Here's another one. Penny

还有一点佩妮

if it weren't for Sheldon

如果不是谢尔顿

you never would have met comic book legend Stan Lee.

你永远也不会遇见漫画书的传奇斯坦·李

第三季第16集佩妮带谢尔顿去斯坦李家中索要签名

斯坦·李美国漫画界的元老著名作品有《X-men》《蜘蛛侠》等

Great.

好吧

At least Leonard Howard and I

至少我和莱纳德还有霍华德

would have always been friends.

三个人永远都会是朋友

Hey how come you three never got an apartment together

为什么你们仨不一起租房子呢

We talked about it but Howard was in

我们谈过这事但当时霍华德

a pretty serious relationship with his mom.

在谈一段很认真的感情对象是他妈

I lived with her to save money.

我跟她住是为了省钱

Yeah you didn't have to buy groceries

是啊你也不用去买菜

'cause you were breast feeding.

因为你是母乳喂养

Aw so I guess if it weren't for me

所以如果不是因为我

you'd still be living with her huh

你会还和她住在一起对吗

Not exactly.

也不尽然

What do you mean "Not exactly"

"也不尽然"是什么意思

Well things would be a little different.

情况还是会有些不一样

Howard where's my lunch

霍华德我的午饭呢

I'm starving

老娘快饿死了

I know you're starving.

我知道你快饿死了

The neighbors know you're starving.

邻居们都知道你快饿死了

There's starving people in Africa who know you're starving

非洲快饿死的百姓都知道你快饿死了

That's it There's not enough food

就这么点吗怎么够我吃啊

Well you cleaned out Earth

你已经把地球上能吃的都吃光了

I don't know what else to do

我去哪给你找食物啊

How is this any different

这和现实有什么不一样

You didn't let me finish.

姑且听我讲完

Here you go Mother.

午餐来了母亲

You're a good boy Howard

你是个好孩子霍华德

Such a good boy

真是个好孩子

Wait did she die or did you kill her

慢着她是自然死亡还是被你杀了

Eh tomato tomahto. The important thing is she's dead.

管它寿终正寝还是死于非命重点是她死了

Hey so how come you two didn't move in together

那你们俩为什么不一起租房子呢

This guy wanted a place of his own

这家伙想要独立的空间

because he was sure he was gonna be a ladies' man.

因为他确定自己将夜夜流连花丛中

Yeah I was wrong.

但我错了

But I do think you and I would have had a great time.

但我觉得咱俩做室友一定很开心

Come on Leonard dinner.

来吧莱纳德晚餐好了

Coming.

来了

Hang on.

等等

Why would I be fat

我为什么成肥仔了

You'd have no girlfriend to see you naked

你又没女友看你的裸体

you'd try to fill the void with food

你想用食物填补空虚

and I'm an enabler who once deep fried a pancake.

我的油炸煎饼为你创造了变肥的条件

Why can't you be fat too

为什么你不跟着我一起肥呢

What do you want to do for dessert

你想吃什么饭后甜点

I think there's still half a cake from breakfast.

早餐还剩下半个蛋糕呢

No there's not.

不早吃完啦

Hey guys.

伙计们

Stuart.

斯图尔特

What are you doing

你这是做什么

I...

我

just wanted to be in anyone's story.

只想跑个龙套哪个故事都行

Yeah but why are you fat

但为什么你也是肥仔

'Cause Leonard was fat.

因为跟着莱纳德一起肥啊

Amy what about you

艾米你呢

What do you think you'd be doing if you never met Sheldon

如果你不认识谢尔顿生活会是怎样

It's hard to say

很难说

my life would be so... different.

我的生活会很不同

You can say "better." Sheldon can't hear you.

你可以说"更好" 反正谢尔顿听不到

I don't know.

我不知道

Happy birthday to me

祝我生日快乐

Happy birthday to me

祝我生日快乐

There's tears in the frosting

糖霜上泪花花

Happy birthday to me.

祝我生日快乐

I'll stop now.

我不乱入了

情况如何谢尔顿

That's it.

结束了

The baby's here.

宝宝出生了

It's a boy.

是个男孩

Congrats.

恭喜啦

Oh thank you.

谢谢大家

I wasn't sure I was gonna to make it.

我本来不确定能不能挺过去

But my mother gave me some ice chips

但我妈给了我一些冰块

my sister told me to breathe.

我姐姐让我大口呼吸

And I just thought to myself "Sheldon

我对自己说 "谢尔顿

if you can make it through the Green Lantern movie

你能撑过看垃圾《绿灯侠》电影而没死

you can make it through this."

你也能挺过这一关"

Well good for you buddy.

好样的兄弟

We'll let you get back in there.

你快回去吧

Oh no no I'm not going back in there.

才不我不会回去了

That baby is so irritating.

那个宝宝太令人恼火了

He has literally been crying his entire life.

他从一出生整个人生就是在哭

Aw he's already taking after Uncle Shelly.

果然是外甥像舅尽得谢利舅舅真传

Come on Sheldon you should go.

别这样谢尔顿你应该回去

Why

为什么

Well you always complain that you never

你总是抱怨你在成长过程中

had an intelligent role model growing up

没有一个智慧型的榜样

and now you can be one for your nephew.

现在你可以做你外甥的榜样了

Ugh all right I'll go.

好吧我去吧

But from what I've seen his attention span

但据我所见他的注意力

is as limited as his bladder control.

和他的膀胱控制力一样有限

You actually got him to do it.

你能让他乖乖听你的话

Yeah you keep saying

你一直在说

how much Sheldon has affected all of us

谢尔顿对我们的影响有多大

but you've clearly had an impact on him.

但显然你也影响了他

If that were true

真是这样的话

I wouldn't still be living alone.

我就不会依然独居深闺了

Well not exactly alone.

也不算独居

I do have a 50 pound sack of rice

有一个穿着谢尔顿T恤的

with one of Sheldon's T shirts on it.

50磅米袋子陪着我

I'm telling you Sheldon cares for you more than you think.

听我说谢尔顿比你想象中还要在乎你

I wish I could believe you.

我也希望能相信你的话

I also wish there wasn't a mouse

我还希望米袋谢尔顿的身体里

living in Rice Sheldon.

没有住着一只老鼠

Hang on I'm gonna give you a little

稍等我提前送你个

early Christmas present.

圣诞节小礼物

I'm gonna show you something

我给你看样东西

but if you ever told Sheldon

但如果你告诉谢尔顿

he'd probably never speak to me again.

他可能就再也不会理我了

So if you want to tell him that's fine.

所以如果你想告诉他我没意见

Look.

看

I don't understand.

我不明白

He made you his screensaver.

他的屏保用的是你的照片

I had no idea.

我完全不知道

He is so into me.

他超级爱我的

Wait wait where'd I go

慢着我怎么消失了

Oh well it's you Swamp Thing

屏保中有你沼泽怪

Stephen Hawking Spider Man...

史蒂芬·霍金蜘蛛侠

but look you're in the mix.

但想想看你跻身经典集锦中了

I am in the mix.

我跻身经典集锦中了

And I'm the hottest one.

而且我是最漂亮的一个

Who's that

这是谁

Oh Madame Curie.

居里夫人

That's fine she's dead.

没事死人没威胁

You okay

你还好吗

Just really glad you're back.

你回来了我好开心

Me too.

我也开心

I got a lot of TV to catch up on.

我有好多电视剧要补

I missed you.

我想你

To quote Han Solo "I know".

引用星战韩·索罗的名言我知道

Did you miss me

你想我吗

I would've preferred to have you there with me.

你要是能陪我一起去就好了

Oh.

是吗

Or instead of me.

替我去更好

Did you hold the baby

你抱了宝宝吗

I did.

抱了

And

然后呢

How did it make you feel

你有什么感觉

Looking into the blank innocent eyes

看着这个生物

of a creature that couldn't begin to comprehend

空洞无知的眼睛完全不理解我说的话

anything I was saying

我能有啥感觉

Basically just another day at the office.

基本上和上班时一个感觉

I'm gonna do it.

我要出手了

I'm gonna ask her out.

我要约她出去

Yeah and chocolate milk is gonna squirt out of my nipples.

是啊巧克力奶还会从我乳头喷出来呢

Put up or shut up. You make it I'll drink it.

要么行动要么闭嘴你喷得出我喝得下

You guys need anything else

你们还需要什么吗

Your phone number and one more cheesecake.

你的电话号码再加一块芝士蛋糕

I'm sorry I have a boyfriend.

不好意思我有男友了

In fact there he is now.

其实呢他已经来了

Ready to go sweetheart

可以走了吗小甜心

Not until I get my kiss.

先亲亲才行哦

《生活大爆炸》剧组祝大家节日快乐

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