生活大爆炸-S09E16_生活大爆炸

S01

Previously on The Big Bang Theory...

《生活大爆炸》前情提要

Oh look at all that chest hair.

看看你茂密的胸毛

And overbite.

和小龅牙

Of course you're a Wolowitz.

完全就是沃罗威茨家族的一员呀

Son of a bitch he bit me.

我勒个去他咬了我

Okay I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe.

我还是去自己急诊室确认一下吧

Howie this is just your hypochondria.

华仔这只是你的臆想病犯了

When I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf

我坐到静音键上以为自己聋了

that was my hypochondria.

那才叫臆想病

We'll find another time to tell him I'm pregnant.

我们另找个时间告诉他我怀孕了吧

时至今日...

Morning. Morning.

-早 -早

"We"

"我们"

What is this

这是什么

I don't know.

我不知道

Maybe it says something on the back.

也许后面写了什么吧

"Continued on milk."

"后续提示请看牛奶盒"

If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast

如果你是想骗我自己做早饭

it didn't work for my mom and it won't work for you.

我妈从前没成功你也别想得逞

"Are."

"是"

"We are..."

"我们是"

"See spoons for more."

"预知后事请看勺子"

What could it be

会是什么呢

"We are Groot"

"我们是格鲁特"

"We are the champions"

"我们是冠军"

"We are family"

"我们是一家人"

"I got all my sisters with me."

"我永远同我的姐妹们在一起"

Are you serious

你是说真的吗

Yeah.

是的

Are you sure

你确定吗

Pretty positive.

确定一定以及肯定[阳性]

That's a joke because the pregnancy test says...

这是个双关语笑话因为怀孕测试也是...

Oh my God.

我的天啊

This is incredible.

太棒了

We're gonna be parents

我们要当爸爸妈妈了

We're gonna get to board planes first.

以后我们可以优先上飞机了

Finally gonna get to see

终于可以看看

what's in that family bathroom at the mall.

商场的家庭卫生间长什么样子了

I know it's crazy.

我知道这事太疯狂了

It is crazy.

简直超乎想象

I mean how do you... prepare for something like this

这种事情该如何准备呢

I'm not even sure I've held a baby before.

我都不确定自己以前抱过婴儿没有

Oh it's okay you'll figure it out.

没关系你会慢慢学会的

But how's this all gonna work

可还有其他的事呢

Do we get a nanny

我们需要找保姆吗

I mean can we afford a nanny

我是说我们请得起保姆吗

And if we can we can't get a pretty one

就算请得起也不能找漂亮的

'cause it'll wreck our marriage.

否则我们的婚姻就会出现危机

We can't get an ugly one 'cause it'll scare the kid.

但也不能找太丑的否则会吓坏宝宝的

I I don't know Howie.

我不知道华仔

Are we in a good school district

我们这里算是好学区吗

You're Catholic I'm Jewish.

你信天主教我是犹太人

What religion do we raise it

我们的孩子应该信什么教呢

And if it's a boy do we get him circumcised

如果生了男孩应该让他行割礼吗

People say it's barbaric

有人说割礼是野蛮的行为

but if we don't it looks like a pig in a blanket.

但如果不割看起来又像面包裹腊肠

Calm down it's gonna be okay.

冷静一下一切都会好的

How's it gonna be okay

怎么可能会好

Look at me I'm a mess.

你看看我我整个人一团糟

And that means this baby's gonna half a mess.

这就表示这孩子会是半团糟

And that's even before we screw it up

孩子早就输在起跑线上了

with our cut rate moderately attractive nanny.

加上保姆廉价长相一般就更惨了

生

活

大

爆

炸

第九季第十六集

Hey Raj I read a couple guys in your department

拉杰我看新闻说你们学院的一群人

may have discovered a new planet in our solar system

好像在太阳系发现了新的行星

Oh I heard about that.

我也听说了

Why didn't you discover it

怎么不是你发现的呢

Because instead of being in the telescope room

因为我没有泡在望远镜室里

I was busy making you guys homemade jam for the holidays.

而是忙着给你们几个做节日手工果酱

Well you be sure to let us know

当你凭借波森莓果酱

when you win the Nobel Prize for boysenberry.

赢得诺贝尔奖时记得通知我们

Hello. Hey bud.

-大家好 -你好啊

Ready to play when you are.

你准备好就能开玩了

Yeah um in a minute.

先等一等

I actually need to tell you guys something.

我有事要告诉你们

If it's "Thank you" for the homemade jam you got in December

如果是为了12月的手工果酱说谢谢

congratulations you're the first one.

恭喜你你是第一个这么做的人

What's going on

出什么事了

I'm uh...

那个我...

uh gonna be a father.

要当爸爸了

That's so amazing. What Congratulations.

-太棒了 -什么恭喜你

Oh no.

太糟了

Why "Oh no"

你干嘛说太糟了

Because this changes everything.

因为所有的事都要改变了

What about comic book night

咱们以后的漫画之夜怎么办

Uh what about playing games together

我们还能愉快地一起打游戏吗

What about our trips to Disneyland

我们还能一起去迪斯尼乐园吗

How can we do those things with a child around

以后有了孩子我们还怎么做这些事呀

Relax there's room for two babies in this group.

别紧张我们大家可以忍受两个小宝宝

Oh dear Lord...

我勒个去

Penny's pregnant too

佩妮也怀孕了吗

You're the other baby.

另一个宝宝就是你

Oh really

真的吗

Okay well would a baby have to shave once every 11 days

有哪个宝宝每隔11天就需要刮一次胡子啊

Would an adult refuse to eat his graham crackers

有哪个成年人会拒绝吃他的全麦饼干

because one of them was broken

仅仅因为其中一块破掉了吗

I guess we'll call this a draw.

这局我们俩平手

So I'm glad you guys are here.

我很高兴你们俩都在这里

There's something I want to share with you.

有件事我要告诉你们

Howie and I are going to...

华仔和我要...

Leonard says you're pregnant.

莱纳德说你怀孕了

What

什么

"Don't say anything.

"不要说出来

Act surprised when she tells you."

她告诉你时要装成很惊讶的样子"

All right how you want to do this

好吧你想我们怎么演

I'm pregnant.

我怀孕了

Oh my God I can't believe it

我的天我真不敢相信

This is so exciting

太激动人心了

Yeah it's all real exciting.

是呀是挺让人激动的

Are are you not happy about this

你你不开心吗

I am. Of of course I am. I'm...

开心呀我当然开心

I'm sure it's just the hormones.

可能只是荷尔蒙作祟吧

But it's weird

但还是很奇怪

Howie's the one who's been talking about having kids for years

华仔这么多年来一直想要小孩

and I was all excited to tell him

我本来很开心地告诉他

because I thought he'd be thrilled

以为他会激动到疯掉

but then he started to flip out

结果他慌成一团

and now this feels like a bad idea

搞得我现在觉得这不是好事

and I'm gonna get fat.

而且我还会变胖

No no come on. Come on you're not gonna get fat.

不不别这样你不会变胖

You're gonna be beautiful and glowing

你只会越来越美焕发母性的光辉

and and have the cutest little baby bump ever.

变成最性感最可爱的孕妈宝贝

Easy for you to say skinny bitch.

你说起来倒容易你个瘦皮猴

Sorry hormones.

抱歉都是荷尔蒙作祟

Oh that's all right. All I heard was "skinny."

没关系我只听到了"瘦"这个字

I wouldn't make too much out of Howard

虽然霍华德的表现和你想象的不一样

not reacting the way you expected him to.

但我觉得你不用担心

Yeah I'm sure it was just the initial shock of it all.

没错他只是一开始有点被吓到了

You're probably right.

你们说得对

After we talked about it he started to calm down.

我们好好谈过之后他开始平静下来了

I shouldn't be raising a kid.

我就不该养孩子

I don't even eat my own vegetables.

我自己都不爱吃蔬菜

Buddy I I think you might be overreacting.

老兄你可能反应过度了

And then there's this nose.

还有我这个鼻子

I mean what if he looks like me

如果他长得像我怎么办

Or worse...

更糟糕的是...

what if she looks like me

如果女儿长得像我怎么办

Not to mention the impact on our social circle.

更别提对我们这个社交圈子的影响了

Everything's going to change.

所有一切都会随之改变

Howard won't be able to come over as much.

霍华德不能像以前那样频繁地过来了

Well he could bring the baby here.

他也可以把孩子带来呀

Oh but then we'd have to baby proof the apartment.

但那样的话我们就得给公寓装上婴儿保护了

You know my sister has one of those toilet locks in her bathroom.

我姐姐的厕所里就有那么一个马桶锁

I have two doctorates I still had to go in the sink.

我拥有双博士学位都只能憋屈尿洗手池里

Oh my God and do you have any idea

天啊你们知不知道

how expensive having a kid is

养一个孩子有多费钱啊

I read that in Los Angeles raising a child through college

有人写过在洛杉矶养一个孩子到念完大学

can cost over a million dollars.

费用超过一百万美元

A million dollars

一百万美元

God it's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.

不行了感觉我蛋蛋相攻蛋疼不已

That's it I got to start

好的我懂了

earning more money right now.

我要现在就开始多赚钱

I know you could ask Bernadette

我知道了你可以跟伯纳黛特申请

for a raise in your allowance.

让她多给你点零花钱

This isn't a joke.

这不是玩笑

I wasn't joking.

我没开玩笑

It'll be fine.

船到桥头自然直

People have kids every day.

天天都有人生孩子

You'll figure this out.

你会想到办法的

Yeah come on

就是别这样

this is great news and you know it.

你也知道这是大好的消息

You're right it is I'm just...

你说得对我只是

A little overwhelmed right now.

一时有些接受不了

Hey you know what we should do

知道我们该去干嘛吗

All get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us

全体去做输精管切除术以免后患吗

Go out and celebrate.

一起出去庆祝

But not your worst idea.

刚才不是你说过最差的主意

Hey let's go do something to get your mind off this.

我们一起去放松放松心情吧

Yeah yeah we should go out.

好啊我们应该出去

Where

去哪

Uh I don't know a bar

不知道酒吧

Can't drink.

不能喝酒

We can but all right.

我们能喝但好吧

Are you hungry How about that sushi place you love

你饿吗要不要去你喜欢的那家寿司店

Doctor said I can't have sushi.

医生说我不能吃寿司

Okay look we don't have to go anywhere.

好的我们也可以哪都不去

We can just you know stay here and hang out in the hot tub.

我们可以就待在这在浴缸里聊天

Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub.

医生说我不能泡浴缸

Maybe you should get a new doctor.

要不你还是换个医生吧

What he said you can't laugh either

干嘛他也说了你不能笑吗

I'd like to propose a toast to our friend Howard

让我们举杯敬我们的朋友霍华德

his um his big heart his beautiful soul...

一个胸怀宽广灵魂美丽

And his tight little pants

穿着勒蛋小紧裤

that somehow did not make him sterile.

也没有因此不育的男人

Cheers.

干杯

Well look at this.

看这个

I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas

发明这个小雨伞的人

doesn't have to worry about money.

估计是不用担心没钱了

He can have all the kids he wants.

他想生几个孩子就生几个

And can keep a small portion of their heads dry.

还能挡掉头顶的一小部分区域的雨滴

If I'm gonna have any chance of raising this kid

如果我要养这个孩子

I need to come up with a big idea to make some money.

必须想出超级赚钱的点子

There's no reason you can't.

没理由不行啊

That's easy for you to say.

你说得倒容易

You and Sheldon already came up with your superfluid helium model.

你和谢尔顿已经想出了超流氦模型

That's just research.

那只是研究

We're never gonna make any money from it.

根本没机会用来赚钱

Forget helium. The real superfluid

去他的氦这杯子里的旁趣酒

is the fruit punch in this mug.

才是真正的超流逼

Reminds me of my daddy's secret

让我想起我爸的秘密

"Don't Tell Mama" juice.

"不许告诉妈妈"果汁

Uh these are strong you should slow down.

这酒挺烈的你慢点喝

I'll just take one last sip.

那我再喝最后一口

Okay how about this for an invention

好吧这个发明怎么样

slightly... bigger cocktail umbrellas.

稍微大一点的鸡尾酒小雨伞

How is that a new invention

这算什么新发明

I don't know all Apple does is change the size of things

我不知道苹果公司也只是产品大小变换

and we keep buying them.

我们不也买个不停吗

It's true. I like my giant iPad

真的我对我的大iPad

and my little iPad

和我的小iPad的喜爱

almost as much as my regular sized iPad.

几乎等同于我对正常尺寸iPad的喜爱

This place is terrific.

这个地方太棒了

Why why have we never been here before

我们之前怎么没来过

The same reason we don't do a lot of fun stuff you.

跟其他好玩却不能做的事一样因为你啊

That's some smart talk from a guy

挺伶牙俐齿牙尖嘴利

who can't even keep his face in focus.

就是脸上焦距老跑掉啊

Where's the bathroom

厕所在哪

Uh it's in the corner. Excuse me.

-在拐角处 -失陪

Hey how you doin'

你们好呀

I hope the bathroom is clearly marked.

希望男女厕标识明显一点

Doesn't matter. He's headed for the kitchen anyway.

无所谓反正他是往厨房方向走去了

Maybe that's an idea

这个主意也许行

guidance systems for drunk people.

给醉酒人士的导向系统

They have that. It's called Uber.

早有了叫优步叫车

In your supercooled helium experiments

在你的过冷氦试验中

did you create quantum vortices

创建过量子漩涡吗

Yeah. Why

有怎么了

Well if you made a guidance system

如果你建立一个导向系统

couldn't you use those vortices as a gyroscope

是不是可以把漩涡当做螺旋仪使用

I've never thought about that.

我从来没想过

And since it's in a quantum state

而且由于是在量子态下

it would maintain an infinite persistence.

就能保持无限持续

Groundbreaking revelations tropical drinks.

开创性启示热带鸡尾酒

Tell me this isn't like the

这简直是最棒的一集

best episode of Sex and the City.

《欲望都市》了

You may have actually just come up with something.

你真有可能想出了好点子

You think so I really do.

-你觉得是吗 -真的

You guys the bathroom here is amazing.

大伙这里的厕所太妙了

There's people cooking in it.

里面有人在做饭呢

Think about all the fun things you get to do when you have a baby.

想想你有孩子后有各种好玩的事可做

Yeah

对呀

Yeah you get to buy toys and little clothes.

你可以买玩具和小衣服

I kind of already do that for Howie.

这些都给华仔做过了

And and whenever you're hungry

还有你只要饿了

you'll be in a minivan with Cheerios all over the floor.

就会发现自己车上满地都有零食吃

Oh and I just found a new travel cup for Sheldon.

我还给谢尔顿找到了个新旅行杯

It only lets out three at a time.

一次只会出三颗零食

So when did you guys decide to get pregnant

你们是什么时候决定要孩子的

Well we didn't exactly decide.

我们不是决定的

We were talking about it

我们聊过要孩子的事

and then one night we got a little reckless.

然后有一天晚上就大胆疯了一下

Oh tell us Yeah tell us.

-给我们讲讲 -对讲讲

No I'm embarrassed.

不要啦好丢脸哦

Oh come on we're all grown ups.

说吧我们都是成人了

We've all done it. Me Me me too

-都有经验的 -我我我有经验

I'm a grown up and I've done it

我是成人做过了

Fine.

好吧

We were out one night

那天我们在外面

and things got a little spontaneous.

然后突然来了兴致

Oh that sounds juicy.

一听就知道内容很精彩

Well Sheldon was going on and on about time zones

当时谢尔顿没完没了地说时区和铁路安排

and railroad schedules and I went out...

然后我就出去了...

Wait I remember that. Hang on.

等等这事我记得慢着

You did it at our place

你们是在我们家搞的吗

Kind of on Sheldon's bed.

好像还是在谢尔顿床上

What No

-什么 -不

I was headed to the bathroom

我想去厕所

and I passed Howie on his way out.

碰到华仔从里面出来

Usually he says "Do not go in there "

通常他会说"别进进去会臭死"

but this time he said "Hey let's go in here."

但这次他说"我们进去吧"

How could you do that

你们怎么能这样

I'm sorry

对不起

but you know what it's like when you're with your man

但你也知道跟自己的男人在一起

and one thing leads to another.

很容易情不自禁

I do know what that's like. I really do.

这感觉姐知道姐倍儿清楚

I'm not seeing anyone

我没找到任何人

using liquid helium vortices like this.

是这样使用液态氦漩涡

I'm not finding anything either.

我也没找到

That's a good sign.

这是好事

Oh wait I found something.

等等我找到点东西

Damn. What is it

该死是什么

This video. The baby panda sneezes

这个视频熊猫宝宝打喷嚏

and the mama panda gets so scared.

把熊猫妈妈吓了一大跳

Can you focus on what we're talking about

能不能不跑题聊正事

All right.

好吧

Look now this may be the rum talking

听着也许说的是酒话

but as long as the unpinning rate of the vortices

但如果漩涡释放率

is kept within 1.1 and 1.3

能保持在1.1到1.3

the Magnus force issue should be negligible.

马格努斯力的问题就可以忽略不计

Even drunk he's still smarter than all of us.

他喝醉都比我们仨更聪明

And stronger.

还更壮

Yeah. Who wants to see me beat up the bartender

谁想看我去痛扁酒保一顿

I'd enjoy that.

我拭目以待

Nah she's a good kid.

放她一马吧她是个好姑娘

If this is a viable thing we could get a patent

如果真可行我们可以去申请专利

and license it to companies that make guidance systems.

然后授权给做导向系统的公司

Look at that. You've known you're gonna be a father

瞧你知道要当爹的消息

for less than a day and you're already stepping up.

才不到一天你就已经雄起了

I'm telling you you got this.

相信我你绝对能行

Maybe you're right.

或许你说得对

Of course he's right.

他当然对啦

You and I both know how hard it is growing up without a father.

你跟我最清楚小时候没爹疼有多惨

That's why I'm confident you're gonna be

所以我十分确信

the best dad you can be.

你会尽力成为最好的爸爸

Thank you Sheldon.

谢谢你谢尔顿

You're welcome.

不客气

And if he has twins we can do

如果是生了双胞胎

all kinds of neat experiments on them.

我们就能拿来做好多屌爆的实验

双指交叉为成功祈祷

You guys can go in if you want.

你们想泡就泡吧

No we're a team.

我们要同进退

If you can't go in we're not going in.

你不能泡我们也不泡

Then why are we drinking

那我们俩为什么还喝酒

Okay it's not like she's got the Christ child in there all right

她又不是怀上帝之子不用这么牺牲吧

Oh. It's Leonard.

是莱纳德

He says Sheldon's drunk and they're gonna do karaoke

他说谢尔顿喝醉了还说如果有兴趣

if we want to join them.

欢迎加入他们唱卡拉ok

That sounds fun.

听起来挺有意思

Oh no.

惨了

Sheldon's drunk texting me.

谢尔顿醉后乱发我短信了

What's it say

写了什么

"Would you like to sing karaoke with us."

"要来跟我们一起唱歌吗"

How is that a drunk text

这哪里算醉后乱发啊

He used a period instead of a question mark.

问句他不用问号而是句号

He's so wasted.

他真是喝大了

Your movie's showing so you're going

爱片上映那就走起

Bust a move Young MC

Could care less about the five you're blowing

票钱五块甩都不甩

Theater gets dark just to start the show

影院变暗好戏上演

You spot a fine woman sitting in your row

发现同排有位美女

she's dressed in yellow

身穿黄衣

She says "Hello"

她说"你好"

"Come sit next to me you fine fellow"

"帅哥坐我旁边可好"

You run over there without a second to lose

一个飞身你冲过去

And what comes next hey

后续如何

Bust a move

出招开泡

You want it

你若想要

You got it oh you want it

就能得到你若想要

Baby you got it

宝贝你能搞定

Just bust a move

出招开泡

You want it

你若想要

You got it oh

就能得到

You want it baby you got it

你若想要宝贝就能得到

Just bust a move

出招开泡

You want it baby you got it

你若想要宝贝就能得到

You want it

你若想要

Hey guys. Congratulations

男生们恭喜你啊

Thank you.

谢谢

Hi. How are you doing

你还好吗

Oh wonderful.

好到不行

I'm being musically encouraged to bust a move.

我正受音乐鼓舞来"出招开泡"呢

If I knew what that meant I might just do it.

如果我能懂那词是啥意思我肯定做

I'm really glad you're here.

我很庆幸你来了

Can we talk Sure.

-我们能说两句吗 -可以

So you gonna get up there later

等会你要上去唱吗

A microphone

一只麦克风

a room full of inaccurate depictions of Polynesian religion

一个模仿波利尼西亚宗教但错误百出的场地

and a captive audience to hear about it

一群想跑也跑不了的听众

You bet I am.

我绝对得去唱啊

I'm sorry I freaked out this morning.

抱歉我今早那样惊慌失措

I want you to know...

我想告诉你

I'm done being scared.

我不会再害怕了

It's okay to be nervous. I am too.

紧张没事啊我也紧张

Thank God 'cause I was lying you might not have to wait

谢天谢地我刚才全是胡扯我觉得你可能

nine months to see someone soil their pants.

不用等九个月就能看到有人拉屎尿在裤子里

But I'm also really excited.

但我也真心很兴奋

I mean it.

真心的

Me too.

我也是

I love you.

我爱你

And I'm not just saying that

我会说这些话

because your breasts are gonna get bigger.

绝对不是因为你的胸也会变大

Are we an item Girl quit playin'

我们是恋人吗女孩你别玩了

Baby Justin Bieber

We're just friends

我们只是朋友

What are you sayin'

你说这什么话

Say there's another and look right in my eyes

看着我的眼睛说你爱着别人

My first love broke my heart for the first time

我的初恋情人让我初次心碎

And I was like

我当时就说了

Baby baby baby ooh

宝宝宝宝宝宝

Like baby baby baby no

宝宝宝宝宝宝别啊

Like baby baby baby ooh

宝宝宝宝宝宝

I thought you'd always be mine

我曾以为你只专属我一人

Baby I need your lovin'

宝宝我需要你的爱

Baby I need your loving Four tops

Got To have all your lovin'

必须得到你全部的爱

Baby I need your lovin'

宝宝我需要你的爱

Got To have all your lovin'

必须得到你全部的爱

Ooh baby baby

宝宝宝宝

Push it Salt N Pepa

Baby baby

宝宝宝宝

Ooh baby baby

宝宝宝宝

Baby baby

宝宝宝宝

Ah push it

啊顶[使劲]

I appreciate this but you really...

谢谢你们献唱但我真的...

Push it real good

好好顶啊[使劲全力]

Land where my fathers died

祖宗之所埋骨

我的国家属于你 - 爱国歌曲

Land of the pilgrims' pride

先民之所夸张

From ev'ry mountainside

群山之隈相低昂

Let freedom

自由之歌

Ring...

声抑扬

I'd like to dedicate

我想把我今晚

my last song of the evening to my wife

最后一首歌献给我的妻子

best friend and...

兼死党

now the mother of our child.

现在还兼我孩子的妈

I love you Bernie.

我爱你妮妮

Havin' my baby

怀着我的骨肉

Having my baby Paul Anka

What a lovely way of sayin'

用这种美妙的方式

How much you love me

表达你有多爱我

Havin' my baby

怀着我的骨肉

What a lovely way of sayin'

用这种美妙的方式

Of sayin' what you're thinkin' of me

表达你会想着我

You're kidding

你开玩笑吧

What kind of maniacs have coitus in someone else's bedroom

什么样的疯子会在别人房里交媾啊

Thank you Pasadena Good night

谢谢帕萨迪纳市晚安

That was such a fun night.

昨晚真是太好玩了

Probably 'cause you got to see your man

因为你能看到你的男人

up there rockin' the mic.

掌握全场的模样

Yeah yeah. I was a little surprised

是啊是啊我当时还挺惊讶

when you decided to beat box.

你居然决定要来一段口技表演

That was really an asthma attack.

其实我是哮喘犯了

I just sold it.

只是掩饰特别好

Well I am so happy for Howard and Bernadette.

我好为霍华德与伯纳黛特开心

Me too.

我也是

So you ever think about it

那你想过吗

Babies

孩子吗

Well I'm not in a rush but someday yeah sure.

现在不急但未来某天肯定会要啊

What about you

你呢

I think we'd make amazing parents.

我觉得我们一定会是很棒的父母

Will you guys keep it down

你们说话能不能小声点

On the other hand we might lack a certain maturity.

另一方面我们在某些地方还不够成熟

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