Champagne a champagne
香槟 香槟
a champagne with a packet of Splenda in it.
一杯加了一包代糖的香槟
You know what I call this drink A waste of champagne
-你知道我把这配方叫什么吗 -叫浪费香槟
No. A Dr. Cooper.
不是 叫库珀博士
Because...
因为...
He's also sweet and bubbly.
他本人也是甜到冒泡
All right.
行吧
A... A toast to Sheldon and Amy
敬谢尔顿与艾米
and the publication of your super asymmetry paper.
成功发表超不对称性的论文
We are so proud of you guys.
我们好为你们感到骄傲
Cheers. Thanks.
-干杯 -谢谢
Ooh That is PhD licious.
真是博士级的好喝啊
So have you guys gotten any feedback yet
你们的论文收到任何反馈了吗
Well there are some comments online
网上是有一些评论
but we haven't read them. We decided we don't care
但我们没读 我们决定了不要去
what people say about our work. Good for you.
-管网上的那些言论 -干得好
People online can be so mean.
网上的人有时候可恶毒了
I posted a picture of myself on Instagram
我在社交平台发了张照片
and some jerk said I looked so skinny I might disappear.
就有傻逼说我瘦到快要消失了
And yet somehow she soldiers on.
但她还是坚忍地活下来了
Although Amy and I did give the world a gift.
不过呢 我跟艾米给了这世界一份礼物
It would be nice to read some of the thank you notes.
读读一些人的感谢函也是不错
I'm surprised you're interested in some stranger's opinion.
我挺惊讶你居然会对陌生人的看法有兴趣
Well as I always say
正如我常说的
a stranger's just a friend who hasn't complimented me yet.
陌生人只不过是还没夸过我的朋友罢了
Okay. I'll read them.
行 我来读读
‭If any of them accuse you of being too pretty
如果有人指控你漂亮过了头
Penny can help you through it.
佩妮可以陪你一起度过
Okay here's one from Dr. Saltzberg at UCLA.
加州大学的萨尔茨伯格教授说...
Wait no stop. I don't want to know. What if he's mean
等等 别读 我不想知道了 万一他嘴很毒呢
Well what if he's complimentary
万一他嘴抹了蜜呢
I want to know.
我想知道了
Okay. He says...
好的 他说...
I don't want to know. All right just...
-我又不想知道了 -够了 给...
let me see it.
给我看看
Okay this is... this is really positive.
这个... 非常正面的评论呢
Wow it's like really positive.
妈呀 这简直要夸到天上了
He says it might be the discovery of the decade.
他说这可能是近十年最大的发现
He's right. They love it
真的呢 大家都在夸
This is so exciting.
这真是太令人兴奋了
Oh this may be the Dr. Cooper talking
有可能是这杯库珀博士上了头
but pour me another Dr. Cooper.
但是再给我倒一杯库珀博士吧
Hey Penny and I were thinking of getting
我跟佩妮在考虑
a big paintball game together.
组织一场漆弹大战
Oh Leonard why does she want to shoot you
莱纳德 为什么她想射爆你狗头了
She doesn't want to shoot me.
她没有想要射爆我啊
Who doesn't want to shoot you Penny.
-谁不想射你了 -佩妮
No that doesn't sound right.
不 这听起来不太对
She just wants to play paintball.
她只是想玩漆弹了而已
It combines my love of whimsy
这活动融合了我的无厘头
with her love of making grown men cry.
与她对把成年男人弄哭的喜爱
Sounds fun. Bernadette and I are in.
感觉很有意思 我与伯纳黛特加入
You don't need to ask her No. I've been pretty annoying lately.
-不用先问过她吗 -不用 我最近挺烦人的
She's gonna want to shoot me.
她肯定也会想射爆我的狗头
Dr. Cooper.
库珀博士
Ah President Siebert.
塞伯特校长
What are you doing in the regular cafeteria
你怎么在凡人的食堂吃饭呢
You're a superstar.
你可是个超级巨星
No offense worker bees.
无意冒犯 工蜂们
You should join me in my private dining room.
你应该来我的私人饭厅吃饭
Dr. Fowler is already there.
福勒博士已经在那里了
Can I bring my friends
我能带我的朋友们一起吗
No.
不能
Can I bring my tater tots Yes.
-我能带上我的薯球吗 -可以
All right let's go.
很好 那走吧
Welcome to the inner sanctum.
欢迎来到内部密厅
Oh I do love a good sanctum.
我确实喜欢好的密厅
Sheldon look at my fruit plate. It's got kiwi on it.
谢尔顿快看我的水果盘 里面有猕猴桃呢
Ugh. I don't like kiwi.
我不喜欢猕猴桃
Neither do I but it's so fancy.
我也不喜欢 但看起来好奢华
Well this is nice.
感觉真好
Why have we waited so long to do this
我们怎么拖了这么久才这么聚
Because you never invited us.
因为你从没邀请过我们
Well the important thing is you're here now
最重要的是你们来了
and we're so excited about your work.
我们都对你们的成果感到很兴奋
This paper's going to do big things for all of us
这论文会对我们有巨大的帮助
so if there's anything that you need...
所以如果有任何需要...
You know actually I could use some barbecue sauce for my tots.
如果能给我的薯球来点烧烤酱就好了
Oh wait. No. Ketchup.
等等 不 还是番茄酱吧
Can we have some barbecue sauce and ketchup over here
可以给我们来点烧烤酱与番茄酱吗
Both
两种都上吗
So this is how the other half lives.
原来上等人都是这么活的
I just want you to know that you have our full support
我想让你们知道学校将会倾全力支持你们
and we're organizing a big media push.
我们还会组织盛大的媒体造势
Articles. Interviews.
报导 采访
Oh you want us to do interviews
你想我们受采访吗
Well we're thinking a divide and conquer approach here
我们的想法是走各个击破的路线
where you do the interviews
你负责受采访
and Sheldon stays here and holds down the fort.
而谢尔顿留在校园里坚守大本营
You know...
你懂吧
in case there's an emergency.
以免出现紧急情况
What kind of an emergency would there be in physics
物理界是能有什么紧急情况啊
I don't know maybe there's an object in motion
不知道啊 可能某个运动中的物体
that won't stay in motion.
它不保持运动
Or a reaction that's equal but not opposite.
或者有个作用力它只有相等但不相反的反作用力
It sounds like you don't want Sheldon to do the interviews.
您的言下之意似乎是不想让谢尔顿受采访
It's not that we don't want Sheldon to do the interviews
不是不想让谢尔顿接受采访
it's just that we really want you to do the interviews.
我们只是更希望你来接受采访
Without Sheldon.
不要带谢尔顿
Now wait wait
等等 等等
are you trying to exclude me
你想把我摒弃在外吗
Look Sheldon you're a brilliant man
谢尔顿 你聪明绝顶
but your people skills are...
但是你跟人打交道的能力实在是...
This is not barbecue sauce
这不是烧烤酱
This is steak sauce What are you trying to pull
这是牛排酱 你想干嘛呢
Like that.
如我所述
This is ridiculous.
胡说八道
It is my work too and I am perfectly capable
这论文也有我的功劳 我完全有能力
of keeping it together for an interview.
胜任一次采访任务
Okay. Say somebody asks if you feel your work
好吧 假设有人说你的研究
is derivative of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski.
是从约瑟夫·波钦斯基教授的研究中衍生而来
Seriously can we get this man some barbecue sauce
快点 给这位先生赶紧上个烧烤酱吧
Would you mind stocking these
你能把这些货清点一下吗
Actually I'm not on the clock today.
事实上我今天不上班
I'm just hanging out with my boyfriend.
我只是来陪我的男友
Ah cool. Huh.
好吧
That's me right
男友是指我吧
Oh I forgot to tell you
我忘记告诉你了
I broke up with you and now I'm
我已经和你分手 现在
dating... that guy.
我在和... 他交往
I know you're joking
我知道你在开玩笑
but my flight or flight response doesn't.
但我的"逃跑还是逃跑"的应激反应可不知道
Isn't it fight or flight
应该是"战斗还是逃跑"的压力应激反应吧
Not for me.
对我来说不是的
So I told my mom she just needed to back off.
所以我让我妈不要再插手了
This is our wedding
这是属于我们的婚礼
and if anyone's gonna design the floral arrangements
如果需要指派一人负责花卉布置
it's going to be my man.
那必须得是我男人
Thank you.
谢谢
I mean I I'm not trying to be a groomzilla
我不想变成怪兽一样的新郎
but... this is my special day.
但... 这可是我的大喜之日
Someone texting you
有人给你发短信吗
Uh no. It's just my
不 只是我的
uh doorbell camera.
门铃摄像头
Oh. I got one of those for my place but I never installed it.
我家也有一个 不过我从没去安装
Oh it's easy. I can do it for you.
很简单 我可以帮你装
You're gonna love it. It's how I found out
你会喜欢的 我就是借此
a raccoon was stealing my cheese of the month club.
发现一只浣熊偷走了我奶酪俱乐部的邮包
What did you do
你做了什么
Nothing. I didn't want to piss it off.
什么也没做 我可不想让它生气
It was like huge from eating all the cheese.
它吃了那么多奶酪以后长得可大只了
Hey. We're doing a big paintball game on Saturday
我们周六有一场漆弹游戏
if you two want to join.
你俩想加入吗
Oh my roommate asked me to help her move out on Saturday.
我的室友周六要让我帮她搬家呢
Ugh. That sucks.
太惨了
Sucks for her. I'm playing paintball.
是她惨了 我要去打漆弹
I I didn't know your roommate was moving out.
我不知道你室友要搬走了啊
Yeah. I've been looking for a new one
是的 我一直在找新的室友
but... so far no luck.
但... 还没找到
You hear that
你听到了吗
She needs a roommate.
她需要一个新室友
What do you think Stuart
你怎么想 斯图尔特
Uh I I it uh...
我... 我...
Flight.
逃跑
Flight.
逃跑
That was hard to watch.
真是惨不忍睹
Okay I need you to be honest with me.
你得老实回答我
How do I look
我看起来如何
A little shorter but as we age that happens to all of us.
你变矮了 不过随着年纪增长大家都会变矮的
Come on help me out here.
拜托 给点意见
I've got a bunch of interviews today.
我今天要接受好几个采访呢
Well no one'll notice. They never met you before.
没人会注意到变矮 他们以前都没见过你
Sheldon I'm nervous
谢尔顿 我好紧张
and I wish you were coming with me.
我很希望你也能和我一起来
If it helps I wrote up some possible questions
如果对你有帮助的话 我帮你写下了
and answers for you.
一些可能出现的问题和答案
"Whom do you love more
"你更喜欢谁
Sheldon the scientist or Sheldon the man "
科学家谢尔顿还是男人谢尔顿"
"Answer Sheldon the scientist
"回答 科学家谢尔顿
but by such a slim margin that it's statistically insignificant."
但其微弱的领先优势在统计上来说可谓微乎其微"
Well you really managed to capture my voice.
你真是掌握了我说话的方式
Well don't worry. I'm sure you're gonna do great.
别担心 你一定会表现很好
Thank you.
谢谢
Okay bye. Wait wait wait.
-好 走了 -等等
You forgot the cards. Love you too.
-你忘了带卡片 -我也爱你
Really She asked you to move in with her
真的吗 她要你搬去和她同居
Yeah she was hinting around about it
是的 她一直在暗示这件事
but I think I handled it pretty well.
不过我应对得游刃有余
"Pretty well"
"游刃有余"
You ran out of there so fast if it was a cartoon
你逃得那么快 如果是在拍动画片
there would have been a Stuart shaped hole in the wall.
墙上会砸出一个斯图尔特形状的洞出来
Was she mad
她生气了吗
Uh no. I talked to her after.
没有 我之后和她聊了
She said she's fine.
她说没事
Oh no. ‭Yikes ‭You'll find someone new.
-好惨 -你会找到新女友的
Everything okay
没事吧
Yeah it's just Anu's doorbell camera.
没事 是安努的门铃摄像头
I helped her install it.
我帮她装上了
You can't look at it. That's spying.
你不能看吧 这算是偷窥
Who the hell is this guy
这个男的是谁啊
Ooh let me see.
让我看看
He's got... bags.
他手上提着... 袋子
He's probably just delivering food.
他大概是个送餐的吧
Why is she hugging him
她为什么要拥抱他
Maybe she doesn't have tip money
也许她手边没零钱给小费
W Wait why is she inviting him into the house
等等 她为什么要邀请他进屋
She's a good tipper
也许她给小费很大方
Do you ever feel guilty that we get to eat
我们可以在高级饭厅用餐
in the fancy dining room
而我们的朋友
while our friends have to eat in the regular one
只能在普通食堂吃饭 你会不会内疚啊
Yes. Wait did you say "guilty" or "happy"
会 等等 你刚说"内疚"还是"开心"
"Guilty."
"内疚"
Oh then no.
那不会
In fact take a picture of me with the garlic knots to send them.
其实 照我手举蒜结面包的照片发给他们
There's my MVP
这不是我的MVP吗
Most Valuable Physicist.
最有价值物理学家
Thank you.
谢谢
And my star of NPR Science Friday
还有我在国家公共电台《科学周五》
and a potpourri of popular podcasts.
及一众最火播客节目中的明星
I don't know if I'd use the word "star."
我不知道用"明星"这个词会不会太夸张啦
I would.
不夸张
I got an early look at the interview you did for Wired
我已经预先看过你为《连线》杂志做的采访
and it is glowing. They loved you.
精彩至极 他们可喜欢你了
That's great. Thanks for telling me.
太好了 谢谢你告诉我
Congratulations Amy.
恭喜你 艾米
I'm so proud of you. And that headline
-我真为你骄傲 -大标题就是
"The Neurobiologist Who Revolutionized Physics."
《彻底改革物理学的神经生物学家》
I'm sorry. The who who did what to huh
不好意思 你说谁彻底啥来着
Oh hey how did your interview go
采访做得怎么样啦
Okay I guess.
还行吧
You don't sound very happy.
你好像不是很开心啊
Oh why wouldn't she be happy
她怎么会不开心呢
She's the neurobiologist who revolutionized physics.
她可是彻底改革物理学的神经生物学家
Sorry.
真抱歉
This should be fun. I've never played before.
应该会很好玩 我以前从没玩过
Oh fair warning it can get pretty ugly out there.
提醒你一下 玩起来可能会六亲不认
Okay well remember I'm your fiancée.
好吧 记住 我可是你的未婚妻
Oh I remember. Do you
我记得很清楚 你呢
All right we need two teams.
好了 我们要分成两队
Who wants to be the captain
谁想当队长
Oh me.
Uh sure. Why not
好吧 有何不可
All right why don't you pick first
不如你先选队员
Okay um... Leonard.
好的 莱纳德
Yeah
什么事
No I'm picking you.
我选你
First For a team
我第一个被选为队员
What is happening
天有异象啊
All right I take Bernadette.
好吧 我选伯纳黛特
Really You're picking her over me
不会吧 你选她却不选我
Yeah 'cause she's vicious and can hide behind a mushroom.
是啊 她下手够狠 还能躲在蘑菇后面
Um... Sheldon.
谢尔顿
Raj.
拉杰
Amy.
艾米
I'll take Anu.
我选安努
Howard.
霍华德
All rightie.
好咧
Come on pick me pick me.
拜托 选我 选我
I will take... Stuart
我选 斯图尔特
Yes
好棒
Okay guys we need some people to stay here and guard the flag
各位 我们要留部分人在这里保卫旗帜
and some people to move out and try to capture theirs.
剩下的人出去抢他们的旗子
Okay. Sheldon do you want to stay here and...
好的 谢尔顿 你想留在这儿...
What Hold down the fort 'Cause that's all I'm good for.
什么 坚守大本营吗 因为我只适合这个
Is that what you were going to say
你打算这么说吗
You know that's not what he meant.
你知道他不是这个意思
Oh why don't you go out there
那不如你出去吧
Maybe you'll be the neurobiologist
没准你能成为彻底改革
who revolutionizes paintball.
漆弹的神经生物学家呢
Stop it. You're being ridiculous.
够了 你太不讲理了
Am I Maybe it's just my poor people skills.
是吗 也许我只是不擅长跟人打交道
Oh it's definitely your poor people skills.
当然是因为你不擅长跟人打交道了
All right the choices are get shot at
好了 选项有 中弹
or stay here and listen to them fight.
或留在这听他们吵架
Shot at.
选中弹
This is pretty exciting sneaking around like this.
玩这个好刺激呀 偷偷摸摸跑来跑去
Oh so you like sneaking around. Good to know.
原来你喜欢偷偷摸摸 我知道了
What's that supposed to mean
这话是什么意思
Nothing. Never mind.
没什么 当我没说
Let me see if the coast is clear.
我看看外面是不是安全了
See anybody
有看到人吗
Yes I saw a strange man going into your house the other night
有 我前几天晚上看到一个陌生男人进你家
What
什么
But out there there's nobody.
但战场上没人
I'm hit.
我中弹了
I said I was hit
我说我中弹了
Sorry.
对不起
Why do you keep shooting me
你干嘛一直射我
Why don't you want to move in with me
你为什么不想搬来跟我同居
I I didn't say I didn't want to.
我没说我不想啊
No you just ran away.
你只是落荒而逃了
Stuart
斯图尔特
Stuart
斯图尔特
Did you run away again
你是不是又逃跑了
No
没有
Bang you're out.
砰 你出局了
What I'm not out.
什么 我才没出局
You didn't even shoot me.
你都没开枪射我
I'm not gonna shoot you from right here.
我不会在这朝你开枪的
It's too close. It's gonna hurt.
距离太近了 你会疼的
Oh come on. It's not gonna hurt that bad.
少来 又不会有多疼
I'm telling you from this distance it's gonna... Ow
我告诉你 这么近被射中真的会...
See That hurt
看到没 超疼
All right. Fine you can shoot me.
行吧 你可以开枪射我
No I'm not gonna shoot you. Ow
我不会开枪射你的
Aah you were right. We're way too close.
你说得对 我们离得太近了
See I told you it's gonna hurt...
是不是 我说了会疼吧
I can't believe you're taking this out on me.
你竟然把气撒在我身上
I was just trying to get publicity for our paper.
我不过是为了宣传我们的论文
By making it seem like it was your idea
办法就是将它变成你的个人结果吗
I didn't write the headline Sheldon.
标题不是我写的 谢尔顿
Did you even read the article
你有读过那篇报道吗
Because I talk about you continuously.
因为我不断提到你
I know and it just made you sound modest and charming.
我知道 这显得你谦虚 迷人
Why can't you just be proud of me
你为什么不能为我骄傲呢
I am proud of you.
我为你骄傲
Really Because you sound jealous.
是吗 你听起来嫉妒了
Well I'm that too. I've seen Inside Out.
我也嫉妒 我看过《头脑特工队》
I know I can feel two things at once.
我知道我一次可以有两种情绪
Well now I feel three things.
现在我有三种情绪
Who shot you
谁把你射成这样
Denise uh Denise Denise Denise Denise
德妮丝 德妮丝 德妮丝 德妮丝 德妮丝
Denise Denise Denise
德妮丝 德妮丝 德妮丝
Denise Denise Denise Denise
德妮丝 德妮丝 德妮丝 德妮丝
and me when I was running from Denise.
我逃离德妮丝时误伤了自己
What is up with you two
你们俩怎么了
Well it's kind of hard to explain.
很难解释
you know when things are going great but you worry
你们知道当事情进展一切顺利时 你却担心
that any minute you might screw everything up
你有可能分分钟搞砸一切那种感觉吗
No. ‭Yes.
-不知道 -知道
If you really like her you can't let fear get in the way.
如果你真的喜欢她 不能被恐惧打败
You have to move forward.
你必须勇往直前
And at a certain point the fear of losing her goes away
到了某一天 害怕失去她的恐惧感会消失吗
I will let you know.
我有了经验就告诉你
You were spying on me That is not the point.
-你监视我了吗 -这不是重点
The point is who was that man
重点是那男人是谁
Fine. That was my ex boyfriend.
告诉你 那是我的前男友
Some of his stuff was still at my house
他还有东西在我家
and he stopped by to pick it up.
他去我家拿
And did you give it to him Did you give him his stuff
那你"给"他了吗 你把他的东西给他了吗
If "stuff" means sex then no.
如果"东西"指上床 没有
If "stuff" means his Waterpik then yes
如果"东西"指他的水牙线 有
I got the flag
我拿到旗帜了
I'm gonna make a run for it. Cover me
我要跑路 掩护我
So you're still talking to your ex boyfriend
所以你还在跟前男友联系
Yes and I'm not gonna apologize for that.
对 我不会为这事道歉
And you need to delete that app from your phone.
你要从手机上把那个应用删掉
Because you're hiding something from me
因为你有事瞒着我
No because you should trust me
不 因为你应该相信我
How can I trust you I barely even know you
我怎么相信你 我都算不上了解你
Then what are we doing
那我们在做什么
Why are we planning a wedding
我们为什么要策划婚礼
I don't know.
我不知道
Aah sad man
可怜的男人
Oh. It's you.
是你
I can't believe you shot me
我不敢相信你射我
I can't believe I did either.
我也不敢相信
Right in the chest.
正中胸口
Sorry. That's gonna leave a bruise.
抱歉 会留下瘀伤的
Yeah a big one.
对 很大一块
Does it hurt A little.
-疼吗 -有一点
Want to kiss it and make it better
想亲亲那里让我不那么疼吗
I do.
我想
Where are you going
你去哪里
Home.
Don't worry. I'll wave to the doorbell when I get there.
别担心 我到的时候会向摄像头挥手
Wait wait wait.
等等
At least let me drive you.
至少让我开车送你
That's okay. I'll Uber.
没事 我在网上叫车
We can take you.
我们可以送你
Come on Sheldon.
走吧 谢尔顿
But I should warn you we're in a bit of a spat.
但我要警告你 我们在吵架
At least I think we are. Amy are we still in a spat
至少我觉得是 艾米 我们还在吵架吗
Are you ready to apologize
你准备道歉吗
We are.
还在吵架
Get out ‭Sorry. Sorry. I didn't see anything.
-出去 -抱歉 我什么都没看到
Actually could I...
那个 能不能给我...
Ooh thank you
谢谢
Wow. That's a lot of bruises.
好多瘀伤
Yeah well you shot me a lot of times.
对 毕竟你把我射成蜂窝
That's not even counting the bruises on the inside.
这还没算上心里的内伤
'Cause I hurt your feelings
我伤害了你的感情吗
Let's hope that's all it is.
希望只是这样
Ah look I'm sorry that I freaked out.
听我说 抱歉我吓坏了
It's just that things are going so good with us
只是我们之间进展太顺利
and I'm afraid that if we go too fast I am gonna mess it up.
我害怕如果我们进展太快 我会搞砸
I get that. I don't want to mess things up either.
我明白 我也不想搞砸
Um I got you something.
我准备了东西给你
It's a key to my place to show you that I'm serious.
这是我住的地方的钥匙 让你明白我是认真的
Thank you.
谢谢
Well isn't this technically
但这基本上不是
a key to Howard and Bernadette's place
霍华德和伯纳黛特家的钥匙吗
Yes so don't ever use it or let them know that you have it.
对 所以不要用 也不要让他们知道你有钥匙
Come here. Uh no.
-抱抱 -不要
I appreciate it but seriously this is all bruise.
谢了 但说真的 全是伤
Kiss
亲亲
Gently.
温柔点
I'm about to start recording. Are you guys ready
我要开始录音了 你们准备好了吗
Sheldon are you ready
谢尔顿 你准备好了吗
Absolutely. Great.
-当然 -很好
So Dr. Cooper my first question is for you.
库珀博士 第一个问题是问你的
Oh goody.
太好了
Would you say that your paper is an extension
你觉得你的论文是约瑟夫·波钦斯基教授
of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski
研究成果的延伸吗
I'll be in the car.
我去车上了
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