生活大爆炸-S08E01_生活大爆炸

S01

"Who cares" You wouldn't care

"那又怎样" 要是我和你妈睡了

Previously on The Big Bang Theory.

《生活大爆炸》前情提要

We were worried about you.

我们担心你

Don't be melodramatic.

别这么夸张

I'm just getting on a train and leaving forever.

我只是准备登上火车永远离开

So a few things don't go your way

生活中有几件事不如你意

and your best decision

你就决定

is to ride the rails like a hobo

像个流浪汉般坐火车远走高飞吗

Leonard I am overwhelmed.

莱纳德我不知所措

Everything is changing

一切都在改变

and it's simply too much.

多到让人无法接受

I need to get away and think.

我需要离开好好想想

Sheldon...

谢尔顿

Yes

什么事

I'm gonna miss you.

我会想你的

Of course you are.

这不废话吗

You just made that easier.

慢走不送

45天后

Excuse me.

打扰一下

Is it at all possible

有没有可能

that you're knitting a pair of pants

你现在打的是毛线裤呢

Oh well no you're understandably terrified.

别走你感到害怕是可以理解的

But you know allow me to explain.

但请给我个机会解释

45 days ago um I embarked on

45天前我开启了一段

a railroad journey of healing

心灵疗伤铁路之旅

because my university

因为当时我的大学

was making me do string theory

逼我研究弦理论

and my favorite comic book store burned down

而我最喜爱的漫画店发生了火灾

and when my roommate got engaged

我的室友还订婚了

my girlfriend wanted to move in with me

而我女朋友想搬进来跟我同居

which was no doubt a ploy just to see my

而那明显是幌子她的目的...

well excuse my language but my bathing suit parts.

抱歉失礼了是染指我小裤裤里的东西

Uh sir may I use your phone

先生能借用一下电话吗

I don't think so. Yeah well

-恐怕不能 -好吧

I understand that I'm half naked

我知道我现在是半裸的

but there is a reasonable explanation.

但是我有个合理的解释

While I slept in my sleeper car

我在火车卧铺上睡觉时

all my possessions were stolen.

东西全被偷走了

Now typically I wear pajamas

通常来说我都会穿睡裤

but I recently adopted a hobo lifestyle

但最近我习惯了流浪汉的生活方式

and pajamas are the sleep pants of the man.

而睡裤是普通人穿来睡觉的

I'll have you know Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants

我告诉你圣雄甘地也没穿裤子

and a nation rallied behind him

全印度还不是团结起来支持他

My good man...

老兄

Now before you walk away...

在你走之前

I know that I may appear deranged

我想说我可能看起来像疯子

but I am in fact a world renowned physicist.

但其实我是一个世界闻名的物理学家

Ask me the difference between a boson and a fermion.

不信你问我玻色子跟费米子的差异

Go ahead ask

来啊你问吧

Bosons have integer spin

玻色子自旋为整数

fermions have half integer spin

费米子自旋为半整数

My legs are getting cold

我的腿好冷

Why won't anybody help me

为什么没人帮帮我呢

生

活

大

爆

炸

第八季第一集

Morning.

早安

Hi. Want to do yoga with me

想跟我一起做瑜伽吗

Um let me just have some coffee first

让我先喝杯咖啡

and then I'll have the strength to tell you

我才有力气告诉你

how much I won't be doing that.

我超级不想做瑜伽

Hello

你好

Hello Leonard.

莱纳德是我

Hey buddy. Good to hear your voice.

兄弟很高兴又听到你的声音

Uh I'm in Kingman Arizona

我在亚利桑那州的金曼

and uh I need you to come pick me up.

我需要你来接我一趟

I'd love to.

我很乐意

I'm just about to do yoga with Penny.

可是我得跟佩妮一起做瑜伽

Leonard I'm at the police station.

莱纳德我在警局里

I was robbed.

我被人洗劫一空

Th They took my phone

他们拿走了我手机

my wallet my iPad everything.

我的皮包我的iPad 全被偷了

Oh my God are you okay

天啊你没事吧

No I'm not okay.

当然有事

I I'm wearing borrowed pants

我穿着借来的裤子

I I don't have I.D.

身上也没证件

and one of the officers here

而这里其中一个警察

won't stop calling me Chicken Legs.

一直叫我小鸡脚

Okay.

好吧

Uh I'll I'll come get you.

我来接你

What's the address

地址呢

Hey what's going on

怎么了

He got all of his stuff stolen.

他的东西全被偷了

Okay...

好的

Hurry.

快来

Sheldon hang tight.

谢尔顿撑住

Hey do you want me to bring anything

你还需要我带什么东西给你吗

Oh yes please.

拜托你了

A pair of pants.

带条裤子

And my toothbrush.

我的牙刷

Yeah and my mail.

我的信

And a really good comeback for chicken legs

还有帮我想怎么回敬人家笑我小鸡脚

because "I know you are but what am I "

因为我回他"你才是小鸡腿你们全家都是小鸡腿"

was met with stony silence.

他只无语藐视我

I'll be there as soon as I can.

我会尽快过来

Is he okay

他没事吧

Yeah he's fine he's just a little rattled.

人是没事就是有点吓着了吧

Oh... Feel like driving to Arizona with me

有兴趣陪我一起开车去亚利桑那吗

I can't I have that job interview.

不行我得去面试呢

Oh right. Besides

对哦而且

I don't need six hours of "Your hair is different.

我也不想听六个小时的"你的发型变了

Why did you change your hair

你为什么换发型了

I'm holding my breath until your hair grows back."

我要憋住呼吸到你头发长出来为止"

All right fine.

好吧行

Hey can you think of a reason

你能想到我不应该

I shouldn't invite Amy to come with me Nope.

-邀请艾米跟我一起来的理由吗 -没有

Come on you didn't even try.

靠你想都没帮忙想

Thanks for the lift.

谢谢你来接我

What's wrong with your car

你的车怎么了

I'm having my windows untinted.

我把车送去弄掉防晒膜了

Why

为什么

Got a hot girlfriend now.

现在有个辣妹女友

I want the haters to know.

得秀给嫉妒的屌丝们看看啊

What are you talking about

你在瞎说什么啊

No one's paying attention to you.

才没人会鸟你咧

How's that Hater ade taste bro

嫉妒水的滋味可好兄弟

Hey this isn't the way to work.

这不是上班的路啊

I just want to pop in and make sure Ma's okay.

我想经过我妈家看看她好不好

I thought Stuart was looking after her.

斯图尔特不是在照顾她吗

He was but now that her cast is off he moved out.

本来是我妈石膏拆了后他就搬了

And honestly I'm kind of glad.

老实说我挺高兴的

It was getting a little weird.

他们俩后来有点怪怪的

How so

怎么怪

I don't know they're...

我不会说他们...

chummy.

很亲密

Like us

像我们这样吗

No not like us.

不跟我们不一样

Creepy chummy

是恶心的那种亲密

like you and your dog.

就像你和你的狗

She feeds him out of her own mouth

你妈妈亲自用嘴给他喂食吗

I mean he calls her Debbie

我是说他叫我妈黛比

she calls him Stewie

我妈叫他图仔

and they're all giggly around each other.

他们整天两个人黏一起傻笑

And believe me when food goes in that mouth

相信我任何食物只要一到我妈嘴里

it does not come out.

就只进不出了

So are you worried

所以你是担心

because he's replacing you as a son

他要取代你儿子的位置

or are you worried because he's becoming her lover

还是担心他会成为你妈妈的情人

First of all no one can replace me as a son.

首先没人能取代我儿子的位置

I'm her little matzo ball.

我是我妈的宝贝小汤丸

And secondly my mother is well past

其次我妈这么大年纪

having any kind of sex life.

早就跟性生活无缘了

Okay okay.

好吧

Although many older women lead vibrant active...

其实有很多老年女性仍过着活力四射的...

I said well past it

我说无缘就是无缘

Excuse me Officer Hernandez

请问一下赫尔南德斯警官

Any leads on the person who stole my belongings

有任何偷我东西的贼的线索了吗

Not yet.

还没

Well perhaps I can help.

或许我可以帮忙

Sherlock Holmes always says

神探福尔摩斯曾说过

when you eliminate the impossible

排除所有不可能因素

whatever remains however improbable

剩下的即使再不合理

must be the truth.

必然是事实的真相

Now have have you tried doing that

你试过这么做吗

Nope.

没有

Well maybe you should.

或许你该试试

Th Th There's lots of books called "Sherlock Holmes"

世上有很多叫《神探福尔摩斯》的书

and there's no books called "Officer Hernandez."

而却没有一本叫《神警赫尔南德斯》

Thanks again for coming.

谢谢你来陪我

Six hours was gonna be a long drive by myself.

我一个人开六个小时的车实在太漫长了

My pleasure.

我的荣幸

And I'm not angry at all

而且我一点也不气

that my boyfriend was in trouble and called you instead of me.

我男朋友落难时居然打给你而不是我

I love that

真是太好了

Yeah time's gonna fly by.

好吧这六小时一定过得"飞快"

I haven't been on a job interview in years.

我好几年没去面试了

I'm really nervous.

我真的好紧张

Don't be.

别紧张

You are built for pharmaceutical sales.

你天生就是干医药销售这行的

You're cute you're flirty and...

你可爱轻浮而且...

Started that like there were gonna be three things.

本来以为会有三个优点说呢...

I don't have any experience in sales.

我没有任何销售经验

Unless you count the bikini car wash I did in high school.

除非我在高中时穿着比基尼洗车也算

But you already made me take that off my resume

但你叫我把这段从我简历上删掉了

This job is a lot like being a waitress

这份工作其实跟服务生很像

except instead of pushing the fish tacos

只不过你不是给客人推销

'cause they're about to go bad

快变质的鱼肉玉米卷

you're just pushing our antidepressants

你是推销我们的抗抑郁药

FDA 美国食品及药物管理局

before the FDA finds out they may cause rectal bleeding.

在FDA发现这药能引起直肠出血之前赶紧卖掉

They do

是真的吗

Maybe.

或许吧

But like our lawyers say the world is full of things

但就像我们律师说的这世界上有很多东西

that can cause a rectum to bleed.

能导致直肠出血

Anyway I talked you up to Dan.

我在丹面前帮你说了不少好话

He's the guy who'll be interviewing you.

他就是面试你的那个人

Oh I really appreciate this.

真是太谢谢你了

I just hope I'm not in over my head.

我只希望我到时不会手足无措

You'll be fine. Just be yourself.

没事的就跟平时一样表现自己

I wish I felt more confident. Penny

-我真希望我能多点自信 -佩妮

I wouldn't have put you up for this job

如果我觉得你不能胜任这份工作

if I didn't think you could handle it.

我就不会推荐你

Oh thank you but maybe I should cancel.

谢谢但或许我该取消面试

It's too late to cancel. You're going.

现在取消太晚了你一定要去

But I don't know anything about pharmaceuticals.

但我对医药没有任何了解

Oh I understand.

我明白了

You want to do something you're already good at.

你想从事你擅长的工作

I know.

我懂

Why don't I get you a job at

那我何不帮你在

the Sitting Around All Day Wearing Yoga Pants Factory

"穿着瑜伽裤宅在家工厂"找一份工作呢

They're comfortable.

那裤子真的很舒服嘛

Ma I hope you're decent. Raj is here

妈把衣服穿好拉杰也在哦

You just started seeing naked women again

你最近才开始重新看见女人裸体

and I don't want you to be confused

我不想让你对咪咪

about where the boobs should be.

到底该垂到哪儿感到困惑

Oh hey guys.

你们好啊

What are you doing here

你们怎么会来这里

Uh... w what are you doing here

那你又怎么在这里

I thought you moved out.

我以为你搬出去了

Oh yeah I was going to

我本来打算搬的

and then Debbie and I got to talking

但某天晚上我和黛比

over dinner the other night.

在吃饭时聊到这事

I didn't have anyplace to go

我没有住的地方

she likes having me around

她也喜欢我待在这里

so we both said "Why leave " at the same time.

所以我俩异口同声说"那为什么还要搬"

It was precious.

无比珍贵的一段回忆啊

It's not that precious.

也没那么珍贵吧

I'd like to back you up

我本来想支持你的

but it sounds like it was pretty precious.

但听起来的确弥足珍贵

Stewie I can't find my glasses

图仔我找不到眼镜了

Be right there Deb Deb

马上来小黛黛

They're probably on her head.

眼镜可能就在她头上

Or in her neck. Listen.

或者在她脖子的肉里听着

You staying here seems like something

你留在这里住这件事

she would've talked to me about.

她应该会跟我说一声啊

Well maybe if you called your mother more often you'd know.

如果你经常给你母亲打电话你早知道了

It wouldn't kill you to pick up the phone.

打电话回家又不会少块肉

Any word on my stolen items

我被偷的物品有消息了吗

We're doing everything we can.

我们在尽一切努力帮你找

You know Sherlock Holmes

神探福尔摩斯

liked to use cocaine to sharpen his focus.

喜欢用可卡因来让自己集中注意力

But I'm sure those Cool Ranch Doritos are doing the trick.

但我确定膨化垃圾食品对你也有同样功效

Sheldon.

谢尔顿

Leonard

莱纳德

Oh I'm so happy to see you.

见到你我太高兴了

Are you okay Oh I'm fine.

-你没事吧 -没事

Why did you come

你怎么来了

What do you mean why did I come

你这话什么意思

You're my boyfriend.

你是我的男朋友

I haven't seen you in over a month.

我们超过一个月没有见面了

I just drove six hours to help you out.

我开了六个小时的车过来接你

Don't you have anything to say besides

你除了说"你怎么来了"

"Why did you come "

就没别的话跟我说了吗

I do but...

有是有但...

I feel uncomfortable saying it out loud

在这么多警察叔叔面前大声说出来

in front of these police officers.

我觉得不太妥

Fine.

好

Whisper it.

悄悄告诉我

Shotgun.

我要坐前排[猎枪]

So Sheldon tell us about your trip.

谢尔顿跟我们说说你这段旅程吧

Where'd you go

你都去了哪儿啊

Where didn't I go

我哪儿都去了

I went to New York Chicago

纽约芝加哥

Atlanta Denver Seattle.

亚特兰大丹佛西雅图

How were they

好玩吗

Oh I have no idea.

我不知道

I never left the train station.

我从未出过火车站

Hang on. You traveled across the entire country

等等你跨越了整个美国

and never left a train station

却从未出过火车站吗

Why would I

干嘛要出站

That's where all the cool trains are.

我喜欢的火车都在车站里啊

I'm sorry so you never went outside

那你从来没到外面玩过吗

Or had a single piece of fruit.

也没吃过一片水果

So...

所以

why do you think you'd make

你觉得自己为什么

a good pharmaceutical sales rep

能够胜任医药销售代表的工作呢

Well I'm a people person.

我是个善于和人交际的人

People like me.

人见人爱

Some of my favorite people are people.

我喜欢的人里好多都是人

I feel like I'm saying "people" a lot.

我好像提太多"人"这个字了

People people people pe... Okay I'm done.

人人类人民人...好我说完了

You sure

你确定吗

People. Yes.

人人说完了

Good

好吧

So how do you feel your previous job experience

你觉得你上一份工作

has prepared you for a career like this

对这个销售职业有何帮助呢

Uh well as a waitress sales was a big part of my job.

作为服务员我的工作很大一部分就是推销

I mean believe me I convinced a lot of very large customers

相信我我说服了很多

who should not be eating cheesecake

不该吃芝士蛋糕的胖子顾客

to have more cheesecake.

狂吃我们的芝士蛋糕

I mean

而且

one of those chubsters even had an insulin pump

其中某个胖胖还带着胰岛素泵呢

I have an insulin pump.

我也有胰岛素泵[糖尿病]

People.

人嘛

It's weird right

感觉很怪吧

A grown man in his 30s living with my mother.

30多岁的成年人还跟我妈住在一起

That is weird.

的确很奇怪

I thought he was like 45.

我以为他都45岁了

Come on you don't think it's a little odd

拜托你难道不觉得这很奇怪吗

I don't know I mean she's lonely.

我不知道她那么孤单

He needs a place to stay.

他又需要地方住

I doubt there's any funny business going on.

我想他们之间肯定没什么

And even if there was who cares

就算有那又怎样

They're both adults.

他们都是成年人了

if I slept with your mom

你也不会觉得怎么样吗

You know what You're my best friend

知道吗你是我的好基友

and she's in a bad marriage.

我妈婚姻不幸福

I give you my blessing.

我祝福你们

This is stupid.

这样做太傻了

I'm just gonna call my mother and be honest with her.

我还是打电话给我妈告诉她实话

'Cause that's what little matzo balls do.

这才是宝贝小汤丸该做的事

This is Debbie

我是黛比

And this is Stuart

我是斯图尔特

Just kidding

开玩笑啦

Leave a message

给我们留言哦

This is the part where you talk.

该轮到你说话了

All right let's say a physician was prescribing

假设有个医生本来开的是

one of our competitor's drugs.

我们竞争对手的药

How would you convince them to switch to ours

你要如何说服他转用我们的药呢

Any chance his car needs to be washed by a girl in a bikini

他有可能需要比基尼女郎帮他洗车吗

No...

不

Okay I'm really sorry for wasting your time.

对不起浪费了你的时间

Don't worry about it. Thanks for stopping by.

别担心谢谢你过来面试

Okay thanks.

好吧谢谢

Um I'm sor... listen could you do me a favor

抱歉你能帮我个忙吗

and not tell Bernadette how badly I blew this interview

不要告诉伯纳黛特我面试情况有多差

She'll get upset.

她肯定会生气

And honestly I'm a... a little terrified of her.

老实说我真有点怕她

Wait wait. You're scared of Bernadette

等一下你害怕伯纳黛特

Yeah kind of.

有那么一点

I thought it was just me

我以为只有我怕她呢

E Everyone thinks she's so nice

每个人都觉得她特好

with that squeaky little voice.

说话声音细细的尖尖的

I know but she's kind of a bully

我懂可她其实是个恶霸

She is

没有错

I I didn't even want to meet you

我本来不想见你的

but uh I was too scared to say no to her.

可我不敢开口拒绝她

Me too

我也是

Yeah yeah One one time I had...

对吧对吧有一次我...

Oh I had to tell her

我本来要告诉她

we were cutting the the research funding

我们要削减她正在研发的

for one of the drugs she was developing.

某种药剂的经费

What happened

结果呢

I couldn't do it

我根本开不了口

She's still working on it

她现在还在研究呢

We're not gonna tell her about this right

这件事你不会说出去吧

Oh my God no No no...

-我的天当然不会 -绝不

At the hot dog stand in the Denver train station

丹佛车站的热狗摊用的是

Heinz ketchup.

亨氏番茄酱

At the hot dog stand in the Salt Lake City train station

盐湖城车站的热狗摊用的是

Heinz ketchup.

亨氏番茄酱

At the hot dog stand in the Indianapolis train station...

那印第安纳波利斯车站的热狗摊子用的是

I don't care.

我不在乎

Wrong Hunt's

答错了是汉斯番茄酱

Hey Amy What do you say

艾米你觉得如何

You ready to move on to the mustard round

准备好玩猜芥末酱的游戏了吗

Have you not noticed that I've been sitting back here

你难道没觉察到我这两个小时

quietly stewing for the past two hours

一直默默地坐在后面吗

I just thought you were bad at the game.

我以为你只是很不会猜呢

I'm mad at you

我是在生你的气

How could you just go away like that

你怎么能就这样

without even saying good bye

不告而别地走掉

and then call Leonard for help instead of me

然后打电话给莱纳德求助却不来找我

Amy

艾米

May I please have a moment of privacy

可以让我和我的室友

to speak with my roommate

说几句悄悄话吗

We're in a moving car

我们可是在飞驰的车上

What do you expect me to do

你想要我怎么做

Stick my fingers in my ears

用手指塞住耳朵吗

Well I was thinking put your head out the window like a dog

我是打算让你像狗一样把头伸出窗外

but that'll work.

但塞耳朵也行啦

Please This'll be quick.

拜托了很快就好

Leonard

莱纳德

As soon as we get home

我们一到家

I want to have coitus with Amy.

我就要和艾米发生性关系

Okay she can't hear.

好的看来她是听不到

The reason I called you

我之所以打电话给你

is because I didn't want Amy

是因为我不想艾米知道

to know I couldn't make it on my own.

我无法在外独立生存

What's the big deal

这有什么

Oh of course it's no big deal to you.

当然这对你来说不算什么

You idolize me and nothing could ever knock me

你视我为偶像你把我供在神台上

off that pedestal you put me on.

没什么可以让我从神台上下来

Well yeah it's true.

没错

You you are a god to me.

你对我是神一般的存在

Can I stop now

我可以听了吗

Just tell her.

告诉她吧

I called Leonard because...

我打电话给莱纳德是因为

I failed.

我失败了

And I didn't want you to think less of me.

我不希望你因此轻视我

You were worried about that

你是担心这个吗

Yes.

是的

Sheldon...

谢尔顿

it's okay with me that you're not perfect.

你并不完美的事实我是可以接受的

Can I have one more moment with Leonard

我能再和莱纳德说句悄悄话吗

Sure.

好的

Amy just hurt my feelings. I want to break up with her.

艾米伤了我的心我要和她分手

Now I never thought I'd say this

我没想过我会这样说

but I'm kind of excited to see Sheldon.

但能见到谢尔顿了我还有些小激动呢

I never thought I'd say this but Penny got a job today.

我没想过我会这样说但佩妮今天找到工作了

She did

是吗

Well the only reason she got it

她成功的唯一原因

is 'cause the guy who interviewed her loves me.

是因为面试她的人爱慕我

What do you want

你想怎样

I uh kind of got the feeling

我大概感觉到

you might not be okay with me staying at your mom's.

你对我住在你妈家有意见

You're right I'm not.

你说得对我有意见

I think it's weird.

我觉得很奇怪

Howie

华仔

It is. He's a grown man.

本来就是他是个成年男人

He's just gonna live there rent free

他就这样不交房租住下去吗

How is that gonna motivate him

这样如何让他有动力

to get off his butt and get a job

不再懒惰去找工作

I mean do you even have a plan

你有人生计划吗

Hey you're not my father okay

你又不是我爹你管我

And besides your mother and I were talking...

而且你妈和我谈过了

"Your mother and I" You're not my father

"你妈和我" 你又不是我爹

I didn't say I was your father Well I didn't say

-我没说我是你爹 -我也没说

I was your father Okay calm down.

-我是你爹 -好啦冷静

You're not his father he's not your father

你不是他爹他不是你爹

Nobody's anybody's father.

谁也不是谁的爹

I I'm sorry you don't like my life choices

你看不惯我的人生选择我很遗憾

but it's my life

但这是我的人生

Well it's my house it's my rules

住我的房就得守我的规矩

Okay Dad

好吧爹

If I mow the lawn can I have my allowance

如果我修剪了草坪可以给我零花钱吗

Hey don't you take that sarcastic tone with him

不准用这种挖苦的语气和他说话

I don't have to listen to you

我不用听你教训我

Don't talk to her like that

别这样跟她说话

That is my mother... Wife

这是我老妈老婆

My wife I said my wife

老婆我说的是老婆

You know what

算了

This isn't getting us anywhere.

这样谈不会有结果的

When you're ready to apologize you know where to find me.

你准备好道歉时知道在哪里找我

Well yeah in my house

知道我的家

That's right sucka

没错小婊砸

I wish I'd never gone on that trip.

要是我没去旅行就好了

I feel no better now than when I left.

现在比起离开时心情一点也没好转

But you still accomplished something.

但你还是有所成就的

Yeah. If you had told anyone

是的如果你告诉任何人

that you were going away on a train by yourself across the country

你打算坐火车周游全国

do you know what they would have said

你知道人家会怎么说吗

That I couldn't do it Exactly.

-我做不到吗 -太对了

Right after they said "Yay "

不过他们先会欢呼一下

But you did do it.

但你做到了

So what if it didn't all go your way

事情没有完全如你所愿又如何

That's what makes it an adventure.

这样才是冒险啊

That's a good point.

有道理

Yeah I'm a lot like Gandalf the Grey.

我很像灰袍甘道夫

He fought the Balrog and emerged

他与炎魔战斗

stronger than ever as Gandalf the White.

成为了更强大的白袍甘道夫

I was robbed of my phone and pants

我的电话和裤子被抢了

and I too came back stronger.

我回来时变得更强大了

And whiter too

也更白了

'cause I wasn't in direct sunlight for six weeks.

因为我六周没有晒过太阳了

See This trip was good for you.

你瞧这次旅行对你有好处

Indeed.

的确

I was the world's smartest caterpillar.

我是全世界最聪明的毛毛虫

And then after pupating in our nation's railway system

在咱们国家铁路网上化蛹后

I've burst forth

我破茧而出

as the world's smartest butterfly.

变成了全世界最聪明的蝴蝶

Butterfly could've gotten himself home from Arizona.

蝴蝶可以自己从亚利桑那州飞回家

Yeah I feel renewed.

我感觉重生了

I'm ready to deal with any changes that come my way.

我准备好面对未来一切的改变

Look who's back

看谁回来了

Your hair is different. You changed your hair.

你的发型不同了你换了发型

I can't take this. I'm out.

我接受无能我走人了

Would you like to see pictures from my trip

你们想看看我旅行时的照片吗

I thought your phone got stolen.

你的电话不是被偷了吗

Yeah it did but luckily all my photos

是的但幸运的是所有照片

got backed up to the Cloud.

都在云端备份了

And you thought they all had a silver lining.

原以为守得云开见月明

Here day one.

看第一天

Uh this was the seat I was going to sit

这个是我本来要坐的座位

in but didn't

但我没坐

because there were cracker crumbs on it.

因为上面有饼干屑

As it was first class I suspect Ritz.

因为是一等座我怀疑是乐之饼干

This is the train bathroom.

这是火车上的厕所

This is the Imodium I took

这是我吃的泻立停

so I would never have to use the train bathroom.

这样我不必使用火车上的厕所

I cannot believe you traveled the entire country

我真不敢相信你游遍了全国

and never left the train station.

却从没离开过火车站

I know.

就是啊

You know I almost died in a fire in Des Moines

我差点在得梅因的火灾中丧生

but I stayed put.

但我坚持留在火车上

FYI

顺便说下

that's when the Imodium gave out.

当时泻立停的药效过了我吓屎了

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