生活大爆炸-S07E12_生活大爆炸

S01

This is nice that we all get to eat together.

真好大家能一起吃饭

Absolutely.

超棒

Can we maybe put the phones down

大家能放下手机

and have an actual human conversation

来点人类的真实交流吗

We can

可以是可以

but thanks to Steve Jobs

但多谢了史蒂夫·乔布斯

we don't have to.

我们不用那么麻烦

Guys guys

各位

you're never gonna believe this. What happened

-我要说一件你们不会信的事 -什么事

I just got a part on a TV show

我要在电视剧上露脸啦

Congratulations What That's great

-恭喜你 -太好了

Guys

你们几个

Oh yeah Yay Penny

-好耶 -佩妮真棒

What's the show

是哪部电视剧

Um NC...II...

叫海军罪案小卖部

NCIS 海军罪案调查处美国知名电视影集

or you know NCSTD... I don't know

还是海军罪案性病处之类的

it's it's the one with the letters and I'm gonna be on it

反正就是剧名全是字母的剧啦

That's amazing. Yeah.

-真是太好了 -对啊

What's your part

你演什么角色

Um I play a customer in a diner

我演餐厅里的客人

and I flirt with Mark Harmon.

然后跟男主马克·哈蒙调情

Ooh Mark Harmon

马克·哈蒙

he's a dreamboat.

他是个男神啊

So I it's just flirting

就调情戏而已吗

Well yeah. Why

是啊怎么了吗

Uh no reason.

没怎么

I just think it's sexier when things are

我只是觉得有些事

left to the imagination.

在想象时最美

He's wrong.

此言大大差矣

第七季第十二集

生活大爆炸

So I I read a study that says a man with a dog

我看到一篇研究说养狗的男人

is three times more likely to get a woman's phone number.

要到女生电话的几率比不养狗的高三倍

Is it true even when the man lets his dog

就算那让狗舔舌头上的花生酱

lick peanut butter off his tongue

这男性几率也成立吗

I don't see why not.

为何会不成立

If you're really desperate to meet women

如果你真的对女人这么饥渴

and like having food eaten out of your mouth

又喜欢别人从你嘴里吃东西

I could set you up with my mom.

我可以介绍我妈给你

Why is that funny

这有什么好笑

That's just unhygienic.

这超不卫生

It's a joke.

玩笑而已

I don't think so.

我不这么认为

I believe that a joke

我认为一个笑话

is a brief oral narrative

是简短的口头小故事

with a climactic humorous twist.

带有着超幽默的剧情反转

For example uh Wolowitz's mother is so fat

举个例子沃罗威茨的母亲超肥

that she decided to go on a diet...

她决定节食

or exercise or both.

或锻炼或双管齐下

See

听到没

The twist is that people don't usually change.

反转就是人们通常死性不改

Well they don't.

就是不会改嘛

Hey guys don't forget

各位别忘了

my episode's on TV tomorrow night.

明晚我参演的电视就播出啦

We'll be there. Can we bring anything

-我们会去看的 -要带什么吃的吗

Oh that's so sweet of you

你真是太好了

but I was gonna steal food from here.

但我打算从这里顺点吃的回去

You know... my treat.

你懂我请客嘛

Wait if Howard's mother is coming

慢着如果霍华德的母亲也去

then you should also steal marbles.

你就应该还顺点弹珠

Because she's obese

因为她有肥胖症

and hippos are obese

河马也超肥

and in the popular board game "Hungry Hungry Hippos "

而在受欢迎的桌游"饥饿河马"中

they eat marbles.

它们吃弹珠

Maybe I need to dumb these down for you.

也许我该对你们说傻逼点的笑话

Leonard do you think I'm funny

莱纳德你觉得我好笑吗

No.

不

Do you

你自己觉得呢

I think I'm hysterical.

我觉得我超级好笑

I take it back.

我收回刚才这句

That was funny.

你这句的确好笑

The philosopher Henri Bergson says

但哲学家亨利·柏格林说

it's funny when a human being behaves like an object.

当人类表现得和物体一样时就会很好笑

I bet that bit killed at The Chuckle Hut.

他这段子在相声秀上肯定火啊

Oh he didn't perform stand up comedy

他不表演单口相声

he was a philosopher.

他是个哲学家

You know I think we're zeroing in on your problem.

我想我们已经找到你不好笑的问题所在了

Perhaps I'll spend some time

也许我应该花点时间

developing a unified theory of comedy

形成统一的喜剧理论

which will allow me to elicit laughter

可以让我随时激发

from anyone at any time.

任何人的笑声

Unless they're German

除非取悦对象是德国人

'cause that's a tough crowd.

因为他们的笑点太高了

Are you set on people laughing with you

你要致力于让别人与你共欢笑吗

'Cause if you're cool with at you...

因为如果你对被嘲笑没意见的话...

I don't get it.

我不明白

Raj when you said you were gonna bring a date

拉杰你说你今晚会带个伴

to watch Penny's thing tonight

去看佩妮的电视剧

I didn't think you meant Stuart.

我没想到你指的是斯图尔特

Really

是吗

I never for a second

我从来没想过

thought it'd be anything else.

还有可能是其他人

I almost met someone last night but I blew it.

我昨晚差点泡到个妞但结果还是吹了

I was walking Cinnamon

我在遛小桂子

and this girl introduced herself

那个女生自我介绍

but she was so cute I panicked

她太可爱了我慌了

and said "Wouldn't it be easier

我说比起交谈

if instead of talking we could just sniff each other's butts "

我们互相闻菊花不是更简单吗

Well Stuart's cute in his own way.

斯图尔特也有独特的可爱之处

When I was a baby

我还是宝宝时

my mother called me her little possum.

我妈妈管我叫她的小负鼠

Are possums cute

负鼠可爱吗

Not at all.

简直是魔鬼

If you're so intimidated

如果你这么害怕

by talking to attractive girls

和美女交谈

maybe you should practice by talking to regular people.

也许你应该练习和普通人说话

You mean like fatties and uggos

你是说肥猪和恐龙妹吗

Or maybe just stop talking.

或者干脆都别说话了

I'm serious.

我是认真的

Go to the mall talk to anybody practice

去商场随便找个人说话当练习

that way when you eventually do talk to a cute girl

这样的话等你真有机会跟一个美女说话

it won't be so scary.

就不会觉得那么害怕了

Or just keep dating the possum.

或者继续跟负鼠约会算了

Parsa doesn't have those kind of resources.

帕尔萨没有那方面的资源

No and that's why he had Erin Pace rewire it...

不所以他让艾琳·佩斯重发一遍

I'm so proud of you.

我真为你感到骄傲

We haven't even gotten to my scene yet. I know

-我都还没有出场呢 -我知道

but you're going to be a TV star

但你即将成为电视明星

and you haven't left me yet. That takes guts.

而你还没有甩掉我这需要莫大的勇气啊

I don't know about you

我不知道你感觉如何

but I'm very uncomfortable with all this. Why

-但这让我感到非常不舒服 -为什么

I've never seen this show before

我之前从来没看过这个剧

and now I'm starting with episode 246

而现在居然让我从246集看起

It's unnatural.

这有违自然规律

Just think of the first 245 as the prequel.

你就把前面245集当是前传嘛

All right.

好吧

Okay shh. Guys guys this is it.

好啦各位我要出场啦

I guess it's you and me kid.

现在就剩咱俩了小姑娘

What are you doing

你有何目的

I'm trying to make peace.

我是来讲和的

We're good. Good.

-我们没事啊 -很好

Really Because... Are you kidding me

-真的吗 -开什么玩笑

What's wrong

怎么了

Well... the diner scene.

餐厅的场戏没了

Where's my diner scene

我餐厅那场戏呢

Well don't ask me.

别问我

Until I see the prequel I'm lost.

等我看完前传再说我现在迷糊了

No there was supposed to be a big scene with me and Mark Harmon

不对啊应该有一场我和马克·哈蒙的对手戏

but I it's... gone. What happened

-但不见了 -怎么会这样

They must've cut it.

一定是他们剪掉了

Oh Penny...

可怜的佩妮

I'm... I'm sorry.

真为你感到惋惜

That stinks. I'm sure you were great.

-太过分了 -我肯定你演得很棒

This doesn't make any sense.

这不合理啊

I mean I...

我是说

I thought I did a... a really good job I...

我以为自己演得很好我...

Excuse me.

失陪一下

I've been studying how to make people laugh.

我一直在学习如何逗人发笑

They say that comedy

他们说喜剧就是

is tragedy plus time.

悲剧加上时间

Let's tickle some ribs.

我们去逗她开心吧

No Dad

不爸

I don't think they cut me out of the show

我不认为他们剪掉我的戏份

because I was too pretty.

是因为我太漂亮

No I don't need you to come out

不要我不用你亲自出马

and kick Mark Harmon's ass.

毒打马克·哈蒙一顿

Daddy I gotta go.

爸我得挂了

I love you. Bye.

我爱你再见

How you doing

你还好吗

Ugh this is such a disaster.

家里都乱成一锅粥了

My parents had all my relatives over.

我父母把我所有亲戚都叫过来

They got one of those six foot sandwiches

他们还买了根六英尺长的三明治

and got my brother a day pass out of rehab and...

还把我弟弟从戒毒所接出来一天

...now he's missing

现在他人不见了

and the sandwich is missing and...

那超大根三明治也不见了

They're probably in Mexico by now.

他们可能已经到了墨西哥了吧

So humiliating.

真丢脸

You still got the part.

你还是得到了那个角色

That's a huge accomplishment.

那可是巨大的成就啊

Yeah but this was supposed to be my break okay

对但这次本来会是我的突破

People were gonna see me in this show

人们会在这剧中看见我

and it was gonna lead to bigger things.

然后会演变成更大的效应

More auditions more parts...

更多试镜更多角色

Now none of that's gonna happen.

而现在这些都不可能发生了

Honey you only had like three lines.

亲爱的你在剧中不过就三句台词而已

That wasn't gonna happen anyway.

所以本来这些就不可能发生

Unbelievable. Come on...

-我信了你的邪 -拜托

no that's not what I meant.

不我不是那个意思

Then what did you mean I don't...

-那你是什么意思 -我不是...

Look you know words don't always have to mean things.

有时候说话不一定非得要有意思

I think you meant that you don't believe in me.

我觉得你是说你不相信我的实力

Nope.

不是

I might not know what I I meant

我可能不知道我刚是什么意思

but I know that I didn't mean that.

但我知道我肯定没有那个意思

Not this guy. Oh no way.

我绝不会这样不可能

I want you right now

我要你现在

to give me your 100% honest opinion. Right.

-如实告诉我你真实的想法 -好的

Do you think I have what it takes

你到底认为我有没有能力

to really make it as an actress Yes.

-成为真正的女演员 -有

So you think I'll be on TV

所以你认为我能上电视

and in movies and win awards.

拍电影并且获奖吗

Honestly Yes honestly.

-说实话 -好实话说

I don't.

我不这么认为

How could you say that

你怎么能这样说呢

I don't know...

我不知道

I got all confused when you said "honestly".

当你说"说实话"时我脑子就不转了

Look do I think that you are talented

我觉得你有演员天赋

and that you are beautiful

你外表出众吗

Of course I do.

我当然觉得

But isn't Los Angeles full of actresses

但洛杉矶满大街都是有天赋

who are just as talented just as beautiful

外表出众的女演员啊

All right look... we'll come back to that.

算了这个晚点再说

No please. Don't stop go on.

不别停继续说

Tell me how I'm gonna be a waitress for the rest of my life.

告诉我老娘这辈子就是服务员的命

That is not what I said.

我可没这么说

Look I think you're really good.

听着我认为你很棒

I truly do.

真心的

But this is an incredibly hard thing that you're shooting for.

但是你奋斗的目标实在是太困难了

I mean the odds of anyone becoming a successful actor

我是说普通人想成为成功演员的机会

are like a million to one.

实在是难于上青天啊

Wow thank you.

谢谢你的"安慰"

Should've let Sheldon come.

早知道就让谢尔顿来了

This is interesting.

这倒挺有意思的

Apparently a key component in some forms of humor

有某些耍幽默方式的关键

is the element of surprise.

就是要让人吓一跳

Well that makes sense.

有道理

The prefrontal cortex is responsible for

前额皮质的主要功能就是

planning and anticipation

计划和预测

and patients with brain lesions on their...

大脑受到损伤的病患会

Brain lesions

脑损伤

Sheldon you scared me.

谢尔顿你吓死我了

That wasn't funny.

一点也不好笑

Or maybe you have a stick up your prefrontal cortex.

我看是你的前额皮质被棍捅了吧

Okay the notion that you can read a few books

得了吧你自以为读了几本书

and come up with a definitive theory of comedy is absurd.

就能找出绝对的搞笑理论也太荒谬了

I mean humor is

真正的幽默是

a complex neurological...

神经上错综复杂的

Okay that's pretty good. Excellent.

-这个挺好笑的 -大功告成

How about her

那个女的怎么样

不行

No pretty girls

不能找太漂亮的

The point is to talk to regular people

我们得先从普通人开始练习

and work our way up to pretty girls. Fine.

-然后慢慢提到漂亮女孩 -好吧

How about that old lady with the walker

那位带着助步器的老太太怎么样

That depends.

这得看情况了

On any level do you think she's hot

在某种角度上看你觉得她性感呢

We'll find somebody else.

还是找下一位吧

Kumquat

金橘

I guess.

凑合吧

Ointment

软油膏

Sure.

行

Now would you say ointment

那么你觉得软油膏是比金橘

is more equal to or less funny than kumquat

更好笑一样好笑还是更不好笑呢

I don't think I want to go out with you anymore.

我再也不想和你一起玩了

Will you please stop joking around

你别跟我开玩笑了好吗

I'm trying to figure this out.

我可是认真地在比较呢

Sheldon how many words are you gonna go through

谢尔顿你打算还要问多少个词啊

All of them.

全部词

You didn't get your part cut.

你的戏份没有被砍

All right baby here's the deal.

好了宝贝听我说

And you didn't get your part cut.

你的戏份也没有被砍

Yep bunch of old guys rocking out in a band

一帮老得不能勃起的老头子

all with erectile dysfunction

蹦蹦跳跳玩乐团

you didn't get your part cut

你们的戏份居然也没有被砍

Can we talk

能和你聊聊吗

We can but the part of Penny might get cut.

可以聊但佩妮的部份可能会被砍掉

That was really crappy of me.

我之前实在太差劲了

What you're trying to do is hard

演员这一行要出名实在不容易

but people do make it

但也有人成功过

and I really do believe you could be one of them.

我发自内心地相信你也能是成功的一员

Thank you.

谢了

And...

而且

to show you how much I believe in you

为了表示我对你有信心

I kind of got you an audition.

我帮你争取到了一个试镜机会

Are you serious For what

真的吗什么戏

The new Star Wars movie. What

-最新的《星球大战》电影 -什么

How did you manage that

你怎么办到的

There's this thing online you put yourself on tape

现在正好有个网上活动自己录一段影

and just send it in anyone can do it.

发送过去任何人都有机会

Come on Leonard this is just a PR stunt.

拜托莱纳德这不过是宣传的噱头而已

So Even if it is you have a huge advantage

那又怎么样就算是噱头你还是有优势啊

because you're an actual actress.

你可是货真价实的女演员呢

Most of the people doing this are just weirdoes and nerds.

其他参加试镜的都是些怪咖和宅男

Wolowitz sent his in two days ago.

沃罗威茨前两天就把他的录像发过去了

Really let it go.

够了别说这事了

Look maybe it is a long shot

听我说也许这事希望渺茫

but sometimes long shots happen.

但有时皇天不负有心人

Luke Skywalker was only given one chance

卢克·天行者只有一次机会

to destroy the Death Star.

毁灭死星

He had to get a torpedo into an exhaust port

他必须把鱼雷投进一个废气口

that was only two meters wide

可气口只有2米宽而已

but with the help of The Force he...

但在原力的帮助下他终于...

Wow I can feel you hating me right now.

我感觉到你对我的恨意

How about that lady in the sweat suit speed walking

那边穿着运动装快走的女士怎么样

Yeah she seems friendly and easy to...

她人看着挺和善挺容易

Never mind she's gone.

没戏了她走得不见人影了

Yeah maybe talking to people is too hard.

看来和人交流还是太难了

We could go over to that department store

我们可以去百货商店

practice on the mannequins.

用人体模特进行练习啊

I don't know.

不知道

They're dressed very stylishly.

那些模特穿得很有型

They're probably stuck up.

估计个性也是跩翻天

This is ridiculous.

这一切太荒唐了

The next person that walks by

下一个走过来的人

no matter who it is they're the one.

不管是什么人都是我们的交流对象

We're gonna die here.

我们这辈子注定死在这里了

Hello. Hey.

-你们好 -你好啊

Where's Sheldon

谢尔顿呢

He's home trying to use science

他窝在家里努力用科学的方法

to determine the basis of humor.

研究幽默的本质呢

That's interesting. It's exhausting.

-那可挺有趣的 -是累死人才对

Do you have any idea how hard it is

你们知道一个"敲敲门笑话"

to laugh at a knock knock joke that starts with

以谢尔顿的方式来讲会有多难笑吗

"Knock knock knock Amy

"敲敲敲艾米"

knock knock knock Amy knock knock knock Amy"

"敲敲敲艾米敲敲敲艾米"

If you want him to stop

你想让他闭嘴

sometimes the easiest thing to do is just fake a laugh.

有时候假笑几声就是最简单的办法

Fake a laugh

假笑

Do you ever do that with me

你这招也用来对付过我吗

No of course not.

当然没有啦

Well I'd be able to tell anyway.

反正我能看得出来

I don't think you would.

我不觉得

Please I've made plenty of girls laugh

拜托我曾逗得大把女生笑得花枝乱颤

sometimes just by asking them out.

有时候约她们出去就超级有笑点了

Yeah Well I fake my orgasms.

你就假笑吧我还假高潮呢

Yes how much for a hundred long stemmed red roses

一百朵长茎红玫瑰多少钱

Really

真的吗

How much for three

三朵呢

Yeah I'll call you back.

我等下再打

Look I know you were just trying to help

我知道你是想用《星战》什么的

with your Star Wars thing.

来鼓励我

I didn't mean to call it idiotic.

我不是有意评价为"白痴"的

Well I don't think you called it idiotic.

我想你给出的评价不是"白痴"

Sorry I meant to.

抱歉我本来想评价为"白痴"

Anyway um I was just upset with myself.

总之我只是跟我自己过不去

I wasn't mad at you.

我并没有生你的气

I just feel like everything is falling apart.

我只是觉得人生支离破碎了

Come on. It's okay.

别这样没事的

No it's not okay Look at me okay

不有事看我混的

I took a temp job as a waitress forever ago

多年以前打了份服务员的临时工

and I'm still doing it.

现在还在做

I can't quit because guess what

我不能辞职猜猜原因

I can't do anything else.

其它工作我都做不了

And I finally get my big break

我终于等来了事业大转折

and it goes away

结果机会就这样没了

I'm such a mess.

我太失败了

No you're not. Really

-你不失败 -是吗

'Cause this morning at Starbucks

今天早上在星巴克

a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg

一条脏内裤从我裤管里掉了出来

And it wasn't the only one in there.

只掉了一条里面还有

Okay listen to me this is just a minor setback.

听我说这只是一点小挫折

No it's not okay

这不是明白吗

I've been out here for like ten years

我已经离家十年了

I've nothing to show for it

我依然一无所有

Well you have me.

你有我啊

You're right.

你是对的

I do have you.

我的确拥有你

Let's get married.

咱们结婚吧

What

什么

Leonard Hofstadter...

莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德

will you marry me

你愿意娶我吗

Did you seriously just say "Um"

你刚才那一声是在犹豫吗

Look you know I love you

你知道我爱你

but but you're you're drunk and sad and feeling lost...

但你喝醉了一时伤心迷惘

Okay so so you don't want to marry me

好吧你不想娶我吗

That is not what I said.

我不是这样说的

No forget it I take it back Offer's off the table

算了我收回求婚就当我没说过

Who's in the mood to laugh

谁想好好乐一乐

Really not a good time.

真的不是什么好时机

But I used science to construct the perfect joke.

但我运用科学构建了最完美的笑话

I'm gonna go. Penny don't.

-我走了 -佩妮别走

No no I just need to be alone.

不我要一个人安静下

经典笑话段子的开头大合集

So a sandwich a rabbi

三明治犹太牧师

and yo mama walk into a bar.

和你老妈走进一间酒吧

Where are you going To my room.

-你去哪里 -我的房间

Should I follow you No.

-我应该跟着你吗 -不用

Leonard wait. What

-莱纳德等等 -什么事

I forgot to tell you the sandwich is promiscuous.

我忘了告诉你这三明治很淫乱

How about those guys on that bench over there

那边长凳上的家伙怎么样

They look pathetic.

一脸悲催样

I bet we could talk to them.

我打赌和他们有共同话题

That's a mirror.

那边是镜子

Oh yeah.

是的

Hey fellas mall's closing.

小伙子商场要关门了

Sorry. Yeah. Good night.

-抱歉 -晚安

Uh excuse me.

打扰下

Yeah

什么事

Uh do do you like being a mall security guard

你喜欢做商场保安吗

It's all right.

还行

Okay nice talking to you.

和你聊天很开心

Smooth...

高手啊

Can't sleep

睡不着吗

No.

睡不着

Would you like to talk about it

想聊聊吗

Penny proposed and I didn't say yes.

佩妮向我求婚我没答应

Why not

为什么

That's a good question.

问得好

Does that mean the relationship is over

这意味着你们分手了吗

I don't know.

我不知道

Why don't you ask her

你为什么不问她

Because I'm afraid to know the answer.

因为我害怕知道答案

I'm sorry.

太遗憾了

That's it

就这样吗

You're not gonna make some dumb joke

你不打算来一个蹩脚笑话

or some inappropriate comment

或是发表令人哭笑不得的评论吗

No.

不

You're my friend and...

你是我的朋友

I'm sorry.

我为你惋惜

Did you just put a "Kick me" sign on my back

你刚在我背上贴了一张"踢我"的字条吗

No.

没

That wouldn't be funny at all.

那样怎么会好笑呢

Star Wars audition take one...

《星战》试镜第一拍

starring Howard Joel Wolowitz

霍华德·乔尔·沃罗威茨饰演

real life astronaut.

我是货真价实的宇航员哦

Vader is here...

维达在这里

now... on this moon.

现在在这个月亮上

I felt his presence.

我感觉到了他的存在

He's come for me.

他冲我来了

He can feel when I'm near...

我在附近他就会感觉到

How many times do I have to tell you

要我跟你说多少遍

to replace the toilet paper when it's empty

厕纸用完了就得补充新的

I'm in the middle of something So am I

-我有重要事正忙到一半 -我也是

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