I'm going out tonight I'm feelin' alright
今晚我要出去 心情大好
Gonna let it all hang out
我要好好爽一下
Wanna make some noise really raise my voice
放声歌唱 升三个八度
Yeah I wanna scream and shout
耶 我要大唱大叫
De de de de de de de de uh
滴滴啦啦
No.. Morning Sheldon. Come dance with me.
不 早安 谢尔顿 和我一起跳舞吧
No.
不要
Why not
干嘛不要
Penny while I subscribe to
佩妮 我支持"多个世界"理论
The "many worlds" theory which pots the existence
这个理论表明
Of an infinite number of sheldons
在无限个宇宙中存在着
In an infinite number of universes
无限个谢尔顿
I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.
我向你保证其中没一个"我"是在跳舞的
Are you fun in any of them
那这些"你"里有没有幽默一点的
The math would suggest
根据推算
That in a few I'm a clown made of candy.
其中有几个"我"是糖娃娃
But I don't dance.
但是绝不跳舞
Alright want some French toast
行吧 来点法式吐司不
It's oatmeal day.
今天是燕麦粥日
Tell you what next French toast day I'll make you oatmeal.
这样吧 下个法式吐司日 我给你煮燕麦粥
Dear lord are you still going to be here on French toast day
神啊 你还要在这赖到法式吐司日啊
Morning.
早啊
Look Leonard
莱纳德 你看啊
Penny made French toast.
佩妮烤了法式吐司
Sorry I haven't given her your schedule yet.
抱歉我还没给她你的用餐日程表
It's an iCal download.
那是个iCal[Apple电子日程表]下载啊
She can put it right in her phone.
她可以直接下到手机里的
And I thought we agreed
而且我想咱们说好了的
That you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment.
你们只在她那儿行房事
We did but there were extenuating circumstances.
是说好了 但是现在是特殊情况
I see.
我明白了
Did her abysmal housekeeping skills
她浑身的傻气
Finally trump her perkiness
终于被她那盖世的家务活能力打压下去了是吗
No her bed kind of... Broke.
不 是她的床有点散架了
That doesn't seem likely.
这是不太可能的
Her bed's of sturdy construction.
她的床的构造很结实
Even the addition of a second
就算多承重一个
Normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure
正常体型的人类也不会引致其床架松动的
Much less a homunculus such as yourself.
更别提像你这样的小雏形人了
A homunculus
小雏形人
Perfectly formed miniature human being.
功能健全的迷你型人类
Oh you're my little homunculus.
你这我的小宝贝雏形人
Don't do that.
别这样
Sorry.
抱歉
Okay who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar
好啦 谁要普通糖浆谁要肉桂糖浆呀
I want oatmeal.
我要燕麦粥
Yes well
行啊
I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a giant pain in the ass.
我想要个室友不是大混蛋的男朋友
I'm sure that will happen soon enough.
这个愿望很快就能实现了
But in the meantime I still want oatmeal.
但我还是要燕麦粥
You know what I give up.
得了 我投降
He's impossible.
怎么会有他这种人
I can't be impossible I exist.
怎么会没有 我就是存在的
I believe what you meant to say is
我相信你想说的是
"I give up he's improbable."
"我投降 这种人几乎是不存在的"
Sheldon you really need to find a better way
谢尔顿 你真得换个方式
Of dealing with penny.
和佩妮相处了
What am I supposed to do
那我该怎么做
Eat french toast on a Monday
在礼拜一吃法式吐司吗
Now that would be impossible.
这种情况才是不存在的
I'm just saying you can catch more flies with honey
我只是说 你想抓苍蝇的话得用蜂蜜
Than with vinegar.
而不是醋
You can catch even more flies with manure.
你用粪粪还能抓更多呢
What's your point
你到底想说什么
It's a...
这个...
Boy that does smell good.
天 还挺香的呢
Too bad it's Monday.
太遗憾了 今儿就是礼拜一
Okay Kim the night manager went on maternity leave
我们经理基姆去休产假了
And her husband's name is Sandy right
她老公叫桑迪
So get this
然后
Her replacement is a woman named Sandy
顶她班的是一个叫桑迪的女人
Whose husband's name is Kim.
而她老公叫基姆
Wow I know
-哇啊 -是啊
What are the odds
这什么概率哦
Easily calculable.
很好算嘛
We begin by identifying a set of married couples
先找到几对双方都取中性名字的
With unisex names.
已婚夫妇
We then eliminate those unqualified
然后剔除那些不适合
For restaurant work
从事餐饮工作的
The aged the imprisoned and the limbless for example
比如说年老的 坐牢的 残疾的
Next we look at... Sheldon
-再然后就 -谢尔顿
It's an amazing coincidence.
这是一个奇妙的巧合
Can we leave it at that
就这样了行吗
I'm sorry.
对不起
Ooh Penny. It's as if the cheese cake factory is run by witches.
喔佩妮 你们奶酪蛋糕工厂就好像是巫婆们开的
Ooh Sheldon it's as if you don't think I'll punch you.
喔谢尔顿 别以为我不会揍你
Come on you guys let it go.
行啦 你俩 别吵了
Fine whatever.
哼 随便吧
Are you finished
你吃完了吗
Well thank you.
谢了
How thoughtful.
多么体贴
Would you like a chocolate
你要吃巧克力吗
Um yeah sure.
好啊
Thanks.
多谢啦
What was that
这算什么
You said be nice to Penny.
你让我对佩妮好点的
I believe offering chocolate to someone
我觉得给别人喂巧克力
Falls within the definition of nice.
能够符合"好"的定义
It does.
没错
But in my experience you don't.
但就我观察 你这人不符合
There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio
何瑞修 宇宙间无奇不有
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy
不是你的哲学全能梦想得到的[哈姆雷特 第一幕;第五景]
Now that's you
这才是你嘛
Obnoxious and insufferable.
讨厌而且让人难以忍受
What's going on day dwellers
日居者们 你们好啊
Oh man did the kiss army repeal "don't ask don't tell"
KISS[美重金属乐队]粉丝团也废除了"不许问不许说"[美军处理同性恋旧政策]吗
No.
不是
Raj and I are going to a goth club in Hollywood
我和拉杰要去好莱坞的哥特夜总会
To hang with the night people.
和夜猫子一起玩儿
Anybody want to come along
有人想一起去吗
Oh wow you're actually going out like that
你真要这样上街吗
No no.
不不
I'm going out like this...
我要这样上街
Howard what did you do
霍华德 你做了些什么
They're called tattoo sleeves.
这叫纹身袖
Look.
I go them online Raj got a set too..
我在网上买的 拉杰也买了一身
Fantastic right
帅死了 是吧
Put them on have hot sex with some freaky girl
穿上它 就能和前卫女孩
With her business pierced take them off
发生韵事 脱下他
I can still be buried in a jewish cemetery.
我依旧是个恪礼守节的犹太人
You know I've always wanted
知道吗
To go to a goth nightclub.
我一直都想去哥特夜总会
Really
真的吗
Bazinga
才怪呢
None of you ever see my practical jokes coming do you
没有人能察觉到我的玩笑 对吧
Okay how about you two
你们俩去吗
Look I've got some extra tatoo sleeves.
我还带了几个纹身袖
Why are you carrying extras
你带那么多干什么
In case I snag one on someone's nipple ring.
万一被哪个女人的乳环刮破了好有个替换呀
Uh yeah I think we'll pass.
我们就不去了
Oh is the missus speaking for the couple now
你现在就得"妻管严"了吗
In this case you bet she is.
这件事 肯定她说了算
Yes she's pushy and yes he's whipped
是啊 她很强势 他受压迫
But that's not the expression.
但是不能这么说
Come on I want to stop at walgreens
快走 我要去沃尔格林药店
And pick up some more eyeliner.
再多买几支眼线笔
They're gonna get beaten up at that club.
他们在夜总会要被揍了
They're gonna get beaten up at walgreens.
我看他们在药店就会被揍
Oh sorry Sheldon.
抱歉 谢尔顿
I almost sat in your spot.
我差点坐在你的专座上
Did you I didn't notice.
是吗 我都没注意
Have a chocolate.
给你块巧克力吧
Thank you.
谢谢
I think we're fitting quite nicely.
我觉得我们很适合这里
It did help if you weren't drinking light beer.
要是你不喝低度啤酒就更好了
What's so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice
喝伏特加和蔓越莓果汁就显得比我更有哥特风格吗
Hello It looks like blood.
是啊 这看起来像在饮血
Did you even read the "wiki how" link
你没去看我发给你的
I sent you on being goth
手把手学哥特风格的WikiHow链接吗
No I'm behind on my wiki reading.
没 我自己的东西还看不玩呢
I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now.
我正在读约翰·格里沙姆[法律惊悚小说《掮客》作者]
What
什么
I finished reading The Pelican Brief
我看完了《绝对机密》
And loved it so much I dived right into the client.
我太喜欢了 已经完全身临其境了
He was a lawyer himself
他本身就是个律师
So his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.
所以他的小说内容的准确性和娱乐性都很强
Just remember we are lost boys children of the night.
要记住 我们是浪荡子 暗夜之子
Great. Lost boys children of the night.
好的 浪荡子 暗夜之子
Got it.
明白了
Can you pass the chex mix please
能帮忙把小吃递过来吗
Thank you.
谢谢
We are lost boys.
我们是浪荡子
Good for you.
是吗
I'm actually much more lost than he is.
其实我比他更放浪
Nice ink.
纹身不错
Thanks.
谢谢
Can we buy you ladies a drink
能请两位小姐喝点东西吗
Two light beers.
两杯低度啤酒
Light beers. "Wiki how" about that
低度啤酒吗 "WiliHow"该把这个写进去
What's your names
你们叫什么
I'm Howard. Raj. I'm Bethany.
-我叫霍华德 拉杰 -我是贝萨妮
Nice to meet you Bethany.
很高兴见到你 贝萨妮
Yes very nice.
很高兴
Nice to meet you too.
我也是
I'm Sarah.
我叫莎拉
Not that anyone cares.
反正也没人关心
Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham
两位小姐喜欢看约翰·格里沙姆的小说吗
What's this cartoon called again
这动画片叫什么来着
Oshikuru Demon samurai.
恶魔武士
Demon it's not a cartoon.
恶魔武士不是动画片
It'anime.
是动漫
Anime.
动漫
You know I knew a girl in high school named Anna May.
高中时有个女生叫安娜·梅(Anime和Anna May谐音)
Anna May Fletcher.
安娜·梅·弗莱彻
She was born with one nostril.
她天生单鼻孔
Then she had this bad nose job
她后来的整鼻手术很失败
And basically wound up with three.
最后竟然弄成了三个鼻孔
You're here a lot now.
你现在经常混在这儿了
Oh am I talking too much
我话太多了吗
I'm sorry. Zip.
抱歉 我不说了
Thank you.
谢谢
Chocolate
吃块巧克力吧
Yes please.
好的
Oh. Hey Kim.
基姆 你好
You know what hold on.
请你稍等一下
Let me take this in the hall.
我到楼道里去接电话
You'll never guess who they got to replace you at work.
你绝对想不到他们找谁来接替你的工作
Okay I know what you're doing.
我知道你在干什么了
Really
真的吗
Yes you're ung chocolates as positive reinforcement
你在用巧克力做正面教法
For what you consider correct behavior.
对你认为良好的行为进行奖励
Very good.
真聪明
Chocole
来块巧克力吗
No I don't want any chocolate
我不想要什么巧克力
Sheldon
谢尔顿
You can't train my girlfend like a lab rat.
你不能拿我女朋友当实验鼠一样对待
Actually it turns out I can.
事实证明 我可以
well you shouldn't.
你不应该这么做
There's just no pleasing you is there Leonard
莱纳德 就是没法让你满意 是吧
You weren't happy
你不满意
With my previous approach to dealing with her
我之前那样对她
So I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques
所以我决定根据桑代克和B.F.斯金纳的理论
Building on the works of thorndike and B.F. Skinner.
采取操作性条件反射的办法
By this time next week
下周的这个时候
I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool
我相信我能让她从水池里一跃而出
Balancing a beach ball on her nose
用鼻子平衡塑料气球
No this has to stop now.
不行 这一套必须打住
I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool.
我不是真的建议让她从水池里跳出来
I thought the "bazinga" was implied.
我以为你该听出了我的"才怪了"
We're just tweaking her personality.
咱们不过是调整她个性
Sanding off the rough edges if you will.
用另一种说法 就是把那些粗糙表面磨磨光
No. You're not sanding Penny.
不行 你不能磨佩妮
Are you saying that I am forbidden
你是说不许我使用
From applying a harmless scientifically valid protocol
能让改进我们生活的
That will make our lives better
无害的科学有效的正常手段
Yes. You're forbidden.
是的 我不许
Bad Leonard.
坏莱纳德
So what do you guys do
那你们俩是做什么的
Oh you know goth stuff.
就是些 哥特东西喽
Goth magazines goth music.
哥特杂志喽 哥特音乐喽
Goth food.
哥特食品喽
What's goth food
什么哥特食品
Uh. Blackened salmon
呃 黑焦三文鱼?
No I meant what do you do for jobs
不是 我是问你们的工作
Oh we're scientists.
我们是科学家
Yeah you know the dark sciences.
当然 是黑科学的
What are the dark sciences
什么是黑科学
We...
我们
Well I am an astrophysicist
我是个天体物理学家
And a lot of that takes place at night.
很多工作都要在晚上进行
When there are vampires
那时候也有吸血鬼呀
And miscellaneous undead out and about.
僵尸呀什么的到处乱跑
That sounds really cool.
听起来很酷啊
Does it Okay. If you like space stuff
真的吗 好吧 要是你喜欢宇宙那类的
I design components for the international space station
我设计国际太空站的部分呢
Which is in space.
在太空里
Where as I'm sure you know no one can hear you scream.
你肯定知道 那里没人能听到你喊叫
So what do you gals do
那么 两位女士是做什么的
I work at the gap.
我在盖普服装店
Really How about that I've been to the gap.
真的 可真有趣 我曾经去过盖普啊
I've been there as well.
我也去过
I like your t shirts with the little pocket.
我喜欢你们那种有小口袋的T恤衫
I work the too. Not that anyone cares.
我也在那儿上班 反正也没人关心
You know this place is boring.
这地方真无聊
Yeah why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun
可不 咱们去别的地方开心开心吧
Okay.
好啊
Sure we like fun.
当然 我们喜欢开心
We are fun people.
我们是开心的人
Dark and fun.
又黑暗又开心
Come on. I know a place you'll really dig.
来吧 我知道一个地方你们肯定喜欢
Did you bring the black condoms
你带来黑色避孕套吗
In my fanny pack.
就在腰包包里啦
Let's go.
走吧
Are you happy now
现在高兴了
Not particularly
没有特别高兴
My god she didn't
天啊 她没有吧
What could she possibly be talking about for so long
她究竟在说什么要这么久
Obviously waitressing at the cheesecake factory
显然 在芝士蛋糕厂做招待
Is a complex socioeconomic activity
是个复杂的社会经济性活动
That requires a great deal of analysis and planning.
而且需要相当多的研究与计划
"bazinga."
才怪了
You know using positive
知道么 采用
Reinforcement techniques I could train that behavior
正面鼓励式方法 我能在一个星期之内
Out of her in a week.
让她改变这个恶习
No.
If you let me use negative reinforcement
要是你让我用负面鼓励法
I can get it done before we go to bed.
睡觉前我就能做到
You're not squirting her in the face with water.
你不能用水喷她的脸
No of course not.
当然不
We're talking very mild electric shocks.
我说的是十分轻微的电击法
No tissue damage whatsoever.
连组织损伤都不会有
Forget it.
别想了
Oh come on. You can't tell me
你不可能告诉我
That you're not intrigued out the possibility
给你打造一个更好的女朋友
Of building a better girlfriend.
让你一点都不动心
I'm not.
我没有
Well and Penny's qualities both good and bad
佩妮的个性 好的和坏的
Are what make her who she is.
合成了她这个人
You mean like that high pitched irritating laugh
你是说 比如那个让人无法忍受的尖笑声
You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle
你就不想希望一个低嗓门的笑声吗
You're not changing how Penny laughs.
不许你改变佩妮的笑声
No that would be incongruous.
那才是荒诞呢
I was going to lower the whole voice
我打算把她的声音整体降低
To a more pleasing register.
到一个令人愉快的音区
Ugh. Sorry guys.
对不起啦 伙计
That girl is freaky.
那丫头是个怪物
Come again
再说一遍
Freaky.
怪物
Freaky
怪物
Ah freaky.
怪物
Have a chocolate.
吃块巧克力吧
Thank you.
谢谢
Are you seriously going to damage your body
你真打算破坏你的身体
Just for the possibility you could have cheap sex
就为了有可能吊上一个
With a strange girl you met in a bar
在酒吧里遇到的马子?
Yeah
当然
What is your mother going to say
你妈妈会怎么说
She's not going to see it.
她根本看不到那里
She takes my temperature orally now.
她现在量我体温都是放嘴里的
What are you going to get Howard
霍华德 你打算要什么样的
Well I can't really decide
我不知道该选
Between a screaming devil this mean little skull
尖叫魔鬼 骇人小头骨
Or kermit the frog.
或是青蛙柯米特
Kermit the frog You know.
青蛙柯米特
Hi ho. I'm on Howard's butt.
你好 我在霍华德的屁股上
Get the mean little skull
刺个骇人小头骨
And I'll see if I can make him smile.
我会让它笑起来
Yeah I'd like the mean little skull please.
请给我刺一个骇人小头骨
What are you going to get Raj
你要什么 拉杰
With my luck hepatitis.
像我这种运气 肝炎差不多
Okay here we go.
好了 我们开始
That's just rubbing alcohol.
只擦了点酒精棉花
I know but it was cold.
我知道 但凉凉的
I'm putting on the stencil.
我在放图案
What comes after the stencil
放完后怎么做
Okay that's it.
够了 到此为止
No needle. No pain. No tattoo.
不刺针 不痛苦 不纹身
What's the big deal You've done this before.
小事一桩而已 你又不是没纹过
No I haven't.
我没纹过
Look.
I'm sorry. I'm a fraud.
抱歉 我骗了你们
He's a fraud.
他是个骗子
We're both frauds.
我们都说谎了
Yeah I think I covered that.
我不是已经说过了吗
But I was summing up.
我是在总结
We're not Goth. We're just...guys.
我们不是哥特 我们只是普通人
Very very smart guys.
非常 非常聪明的人
So you were totally scamming us
那你们一直在骗人
Yes.
是的
And I wouldn't blame you if you
要是你想离开再也不想见到我们
Walked out of here and never wanted to see us again.
我也不会怪你
Unless of course our bold honesty
除非 这突如其来的坦率
Has suddenly made us attractive
给我们增添了无限魅力
Huh Huh Anything
怎么样
I'm leaving.
我要走了
I'm leaving too. Not that anyone cares.
我也要走了 反正也没人关心
When we tell this story let's end it differently.
等回去说起此事时 要编个不一样的结局
What are you thinking Maybe a big musical number
你在想什么 是不是还要来一段歌舞
Well I'm going to make some warm milk and then turn in.
我弄点热牛奶就进去睡了
I trust if you two are planning on engaging
我相信如果你们打算
In amorous activities
亲热的话
You'll keep the decibel level to a minimum.
会尽量小声点的
Of course.
当然
Thank you.
谢谢
Mmm. These are so good.
味道真好
Unbelievable.
难以置信
What
怎么了
I I was just thinking
我刚在想
We should probably turn in too.
我们也该进房睡了
Well you know my new bed got delivered. If you come over
我的新床送来了
And put it together you can stay at my place.
如果你过来把它组装好 就能睡在我那里了
Really That's a lot of work and it's kind of late.
是吗 但得花不少时间 而且现在有点晚了
Yeah but if we stay there we won't have tbe quiet.
但那样我们就不用小声了
Let's go.
我们走
Interesting.
有趣
Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior.
在修正行为方面 性爱比巧克力更有效
I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
不知道有没有人研究过这点
Okay wait. How about this
等等 这个故事怎么样
We say there were four goth girls.
有四个哥特女孩
The two girls in the club have two friends.
酒吧里有两个女孩 她们还有两个朋友
I like it I like it.
不错 不错
Did they smell good despite their goth like nature
虽然她们是哥特 但她们的味道香吗
What's that got to do with the story
这有什么关系
Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.
加上嗅觉的描述 我觉得比较真实
Fine they smelled good
好吧 她们闻起来香香的
Oh they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle
确实 就像茉莉和金银花
Whatever.
无所谓
And then they held hands and did a sexy demonic
她们手拉手 对我们疯狂的
Hokey pokey for us.
做下流动作
No no. Ok let me just say my story all the way through
不不 先让我把故事说完
And then you can say yours and then we'll pick.
你再说你的 然后我们再选
I'm sorry. Go on.
抱歉 你继续说
Okay. We got tattoos
我们去纹了身
And then the four girls took us to their place But we don't have tattoos.E.
-然后四个女孩带我们到她们的住所 -但我们没有纹身
What if someone asks to see our tattoos
万一有人要看纹身 怎么办
We say they're in a very intimate area.
我们就说纹在了非常私密的部位
Oh we're bad boys aren't we
我们太坏了 不是吗
Right right.
就是 就是
So we go back to their place
再回头说她们的住所
And then the six of us end up in a hot tub.
最后我们六个人倒在热气腾腾的浴缸中
But we just got tattos.
但我们刚纹了身
Wouldn't we be concerned about bacterial infection
我们不怕细菌感染吗
True. Okay. Forget the hot tub.
对 那不要浴缸这段了
The point is we each had a ménage with sexy goth girls.
重点是我们都和火辣的哥特女孩亲热
What a great night.
今晚太棒了
Yeah.
是啊
Hey want to try a country bar tomorrow night
明晚去乡村酒吧碰运气吗
Maybe we'll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.
也许我们能钓上几个牛仔女孩
Could happen.
很有可能
I wonder how they smell.
不知道她们闻起来什么味道
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