I'm just gonna run to the store and get a few things.
我去商店里买点东西
I'll pick you up when you're done.
等你剪完再来接你
Okay.
I like it a little better when you stay but all right.
我比较喜欢你在这儿陪我 不过没关系
Hey Sheldon.
嗨 谢尔顿
Hello. I'm here for my haircut with Mr. D'Onofrio.
嗨 我来找诺费奥先生为我理发
I'm sorry Uncle Tony's in the hospital.
真抱歉 托尼舅舅还在医院呢
He's pretty sick.
他病得很厉害
Oh dear Mr. D'Onofrio's in the hospital.
天啊 诺费奥先生在医院
Why do these things always happen to me
我的命运为何如此多舛
I can cut it for you.
我可以帮你理发
You're not Mr. D'Onofrio.
你不是诺费奥先生
I get my hair cut by Mr. D'Onofrio.
我的头发一般是诺费奥先生理的
You believe this guy
你信得过这家伙吗
Excuse us for a second.
先失陪一下
Sheldon it's okay he can do it.
谢尔顿 没关系 他能行的
He's a barber.
他也是个理发师
He's not a barber he's the nephew.
他不是理发师 他是理发师的外甥
He's an example of the kind of nepotism
他就是理发界日益猖獗的
that runs rampant in the barbering industry.
裙带关系的典型范例
Besides Mr. D'Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done
另外 诺费奥先生很清楚我喜欢什么样的发型
because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas.
因为他有我在德州理发时的理发记录
What are you talking about
你在瞎扯什么啊
When I first moved here
我刚搬来这里的时候
I was nervous about finding a new barber
找新理发师这事儿很让我发愁
so my mother had all my haircut records
所以我妈就把我的理发记录
sent here to Mr. D'Onofrio.
都寄给了诺费奥先生
There's no such thing as haircut records.
根本没有理发记录这回事
Yes there are.
不 肯定有的
Have you ever seen them
你见过你的理发记录吗
No but my mother assured me they were sent here
没 不过我妈妈保证肯定寄过来了
and I'll bet you dollars to donuts
我敢跟你打包票
that this one doesn't have them.
这家伙肯定没我的理发记录
Uh excuse me.
打扰一下
Do you have access to my haircut records
你能拿到我的理发记录吗
Your what
你的什么
著名美国诗人 诺贝尔文学奖得主
托马斯·斯特恩斯·艾略特
To paraphrase T.S. Eliot
用T·S·艾略特的诗来说
"世界就是这样告终的 不是砰的一声而是一声抽泣"
这句改自他的作品《空心人》 原文为
this is the way the world ends
世界就是这样告终的
not with a bang but with a nephew.
不是砰的一声而是一个外甥
Sheldon you're a grown man he's a professional
谢尔顿 你都是个大人了 他也是专业人士
and your haircut is number three on that poster from 1946.
而且你的发型是1946年那张海报上的第三个
Just sit down
赶紧坐下
and let him do it.
让他给你剪吧
Fine but if I come out of this looking like a dork
好吧 如果我剪完看起来个傻蛋
it's on you.
那就全赖你
So my kid said the funniest thing today.
我家小孩今天讲了件特别有意思的事
Nope.
算了
When you tell this story later
如果你日后跟别人说这事
the word we usually use is "quirky."
记得用"古怪"这个词来形容
By aBu 201705
生活大爆炸 第五季 第十八集
Can you pass the Parmesan cheese
你能把帕马森干酪递给我吗
Sure.
What are you doing
你这是干嘛
I'm trying to get the hair out of my eyes.
把我的头发从眼前吹开
Sheldon you are one day late for your haircut.
谢尔顿 你就是晚了一天没理发而已
Thank you for captioning my nightmare.
谢谢你 一句话点明了我的恶梦
Lookie here I got my travel orders.
瞧 我收到我的随行指示信了
"Payload Specialist Howard Wolowitz is requested
"随行专家霍华德·沃罗威茨受命
to report to the NASA Johnson Space Center
前往位于德州休斯顿的国家宇航局
Houston Texas
约翰逊太空中心
for astronaut training Monday 8 00 a.m."
于周日早上八点接受宇航员特训"
Yeah but it's from NASA so it's 0800.
不过这是宇航局的信 所以时间得按照军事格式来念
But it says "8 00 a.m."
可上面写的是"早上八点"
You read it as "0800."
你得按照军事格式来念"0800"
It doesn't have an "O" in front of it.
可它前面没写有"O"啊
You know what does have an "oh" in front of it
你知道哪句话前面有"O[哦]"吗
"Oh my God I'm an astronaut
"哦 我的天 我现在是宇航员了"
and you're dying of jealousy."
"你就羡慕嫉妒恨吧"
So what kind of things are they...
那他们要...
Will you stop that
你能消停会儿吗
I can't help it I feel like a teen heartthrob.
我忍不住 感觉自己就像是个少女杀手
You know Sheldon I used to cut my brother's hair.
谢尔顿 我以前常给我哥剪头发
I could do it for you.
我也能帮你的
Penny I know you mean well
佩妮 我知道这是你的一片好心
offering the skills of the hill folk but um
用你们村里的手艺来帮我 不过呢
here in town
在我们城里
we don't churn our own butter
我们不用搅乳器来搅黄油
we don't make dresses out of gunny sacks
我们也不用麻袋来做裙子
and uh we sure as shootin' don't get our hair cut
我们也很确定不想让一个染黄发的丫头
by bottle blonde...
来给自己理发
Sheldon be nice.
谢尔顿 为人要友善
I'm sorry it's the bad boy attitude
不好意思 有个坏小子的发型
that comes with this hair.
就有个坏小子的脾气
You could go to my guy.
你可以试试我的理发师
He's at Juan Juan in Beverly Hills.
他在比弗利山庄[富人区]的著名美发沙龙
They bring you a cup of tea they'll massage your scalp.
他们会给你沏茶 会给你按摩头皮
It's about $200 but sometimes you look in the next chair
虽然要两百块 不过没准有时坐在你旁边的
and you see a superstar like Tony Danza.
就是一位超级巨星 比如托尼·丹扎
Quick question here
快速提问
Have we actually changed the conversation
我们真的已经把话题
from "I'm going to astronaut training"
从"我要去参加宇航员特训"
to "Sheldon can't get a haircut"
转到"谢尔顿找不到地方理发"了吗
Now who's dying of jealousy
你看现在是谁在羡慕嫉妒恨
"Oh " it's you.
"哦" 是你啊
I'm a cowboy
我是牛仔
邦·乔维的《亡命天涯》
On a steel horse I ride
骑着一匹铁马
I'm wanted
我想要
I'm wanted
我想要
Wanted
想要
Dead or alive
亡命天涯
Sheldon
谢尔顿
you're ruining girlfriend boyfriend sing along night.
你把我们的情侣对唱之夜都给毁了
I'm sorry.
抱歉
I'm looking for a barber and I'm running out of time.
我在找理发店 我的时间不多了
1幺米等于10的 24次方米
1飞秒等于10的-15次方秒
My hair is growing at the rate
我的头发正以每飞秒
of 4.6 yoctometers per femtosecond.
4.6幺米的速度生长着
I mean if you're quiet you can hear it.
你要是安静点 还能听见头发生长的声音
What about Supercuts
要不去"超级剪"美发沙龙呢
I tried once.
我去过一次
They do men's and women's hair
那里无论男人还是女人
in the same room at the same time.
都坐在同一个房间里一块剪
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with mousse.
那简直就像是带有摩丝的罪恶之城
Well this isn't a crisis.
这件事没那么严重
Why don't you just let your hair grow out a little
何不干脆让头发长长点算了
Why don't I let my hair grow out
何不干脆让头发长长
Um why don't I start wearing Birkenstocks
那我何不干脆开始穿凉鞋
and seeking validation of my opinions by asking
并用"你喜欢不"这句话
"Can you dig it "
来求证我的选择
Well I don't know.
我不知道啊
I think you might look sexy with long hair.
我是觉得你留长头发挺性感的
The kind that flows down to your shoulders
就留那种齐肩长发
and blows back while riding on a horse.
骑马的时候还能随风飘动
Bareback and bare chested.
马背光溜溜 你胸光溜溜
brush my teeth 可用来指代"自慰"
I'm gonna go brush my teeth it might take a while.
我要去"刷牙"了 估计得刷一会儿
Hi sweetie.
宝贝儿
I miss you.
我想你
I miss you too.
我也想你了
So tell me all about your first day.
你第一天过得怎么样
Oh wow where do I even start
我该从哪讲起呢
I got to experience zero gravity.
我体验了零重力
Cool. How do they do that
酷 他们怎么做到的
It's pretty neat.
还挺简单的
You get in this plane
你坐进飞机
that goes almost straight up for like 20 seconds
然后垂直上升 历时大概二十秒左右
and then straight back down like it's going to crash and
然后再跟要坠机一样 垂直下落
they do it over and over again you know
如此循环往复
no matter how many times you throw up.
吐到连胆汁都快出来了也没人管
You threw up
你吐了吗
Yeah...and the craziest part is
是啊 而且最变态的是
because there's no gravity
因为是零重力环境
the throw up kind of floats there...
呕吐物就浮在空中
in a little ball
呈一个球状
and if your mouth is open
如果你吓得大叫
because you're screaming...
嘴巴张开的话
...sometimes it just floats right back in.
有时呕吐物就会再飘回你嘴里
Boy does everyone laugh at you when that happens.
天啊 到时候你就沦为大家的笑柄
That sounds mean.
他们听起来好坏哦
No.
没有
Yeah I would have laughed too
其实我当时也想笑的
but I didn't want the vomit to come back out.
只不过我不想让呕吐物二次飘回我的嘴里
Anyway...
总而言之
Oh could you do me a favor
对了 你能不能帮我
and overnight me some more underwear
连夜快递几条内裤过来
Sure why
没问题 怎么了
I got a look at the centrifuge
今天看了一眼那台离心机
they're going to spin me around in tomorrow
明天我要在里面进行高速旋转训练
and I have a hunch I packed a little light.
于是我隐约感觉到我带的内裤不够
Mr. D'Onofrio
诺费奥先生
It's me Sheldon.
是我 谢尔顿
They didn't have anything barber themed in the gift shop
礼品店里没有任何和理发相关的礼物
so I got you this.
所以我给你买了这个
I don't know if you can read his little T shirt.
不知道您能不能看见他T恤上的小字
It says um "Get well bear y soon."
上面写着 快点"熊"起来哦
Trust me if you were even a little conscious right now
相信我 如果现在您稍微有点意识
you'd be laughing.
肯定也会发笑的
Anyway...
总而言之
There's new studies that show people in comas
有一项新的研究表明 昏迷中的人
are aware of everything going on around them.
也能感知到身边发生的一切
With that in mind if you can hear me
所以说 如果您现在能听到我说话
move away from the light
请离开您的病床
and toward the sound of these scissors.
跟着这把剪刀的声音走
Can I help you
有什么可以帮到你吗
Yes.
是的
Do you have something I could use as a cape
你这里有类似理发店大围布的东西吗
Oh dear did we spit out our pills
天啊 你是不是把药给吐了
slip out of the ninth floor
然后从九楼[精神病科]偷溜出来
and go on a little adventure
跑到这探险来了
Oh no no
不 不
I'm just here to get my hair cut.
我只是来找他理发的
I I see.
我明白了
J Jus Just wait here one moment.
你在这等一下
Security
保安
I got to run.
我得跑了
But not with scissors that would be unsafe.
但是不能拿着剪刀 那样太不安全了
So if I move my horsey here...
要是我把我的小马挪到这来
...isn't that checkmate and I win
是不是就将军了 我是赢了吧
Well is it or isn't it
到底是不是我赢了
You know I think this is a good stopping point.
我们今天就下到这吧
Uh it's your first real game.
你第一次下象棋
I threw a lot of information at you.
有太多知识要消化了
Well no
I mean your king is trapped.
你的国王被我困住了
He can't go here because of my lighthouse
他不能往这走 因为我在这摆了个灯塔[车]
and...
还有
he can't go here because of my pointy head guy.
他也不能往这走 因为我在这摆了一个尖头小人[象]
Like I said complicated game.
正如我说的 这个游戏很复杂
So did I win or not
那我到底赢没赢
Did you have fun
你玩得开心吗
Because if you had fun then you are you are a winner.
因为只要你玩得开心了 就算是赢了
That's that that's what chess is all about.
象棋就是这样
Sorry Sheldon I'll move. Eh why
-抱歉 谢尔顿 我这就挪开 -何必呢
My spot your spot what difference does it make
我的位置 你的位置 有区别吗
Okay what just happened
好吧 刚刚发生了什么
I don't know.
我不知道
Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer
一会是你的象棋技术堪比世界冠军
and Sheldon being okay with you in his spot
一会是谢尔顿不介意你坐了他的位置
I'm guessing someone went back in time stepped on a bug
我估计是有人穿越回去 踩死了只虫子[蝴蝶效应]
and changed the course of human events.
改变了人类的历史进程吧
Uh sweetie are you all right
亲爱的 你没事吧
No I'm not all right.
不 我有事
It's been six days since I was supposed to get a haircut
我本来六天前就该剪头发了
and nothing horrible has happened.
除此之外 无大事发生
Okay I'm sorry I don't understand.
不好意思 我不懂
Leonard explain it to her.
莱纳德 给她解释下
Oh uh he's crazy.
那个 他疯了
I have spent my whole life
我用了一生时间
trying to bring order to the universe
精心安排我每天该做什么
by carefully planning every moment of every day.
就是想要给这个世界带来秩序
But all my efforts
而我所有的努力
our dinner schedule my pajama rotation
我的晚餐安排 我的睡衣轮换制
my bowel movement spreadsheet
我的排便情况试算表
it's clear now
现在我算明白了
I've been wasting my time.
我一直在浪费时间
Good. I'm taking that disgusting chart off the fridge.
很好 我要把那恶心的表格从冰箱上拿下来
You know Sh Sheldon
听我说 谢尔顿
sometimes it's nice not knowing what's coming.
有时未来不可预知也挺好的
I mean look at me and Leonard.
我是说 看我和莱纳德
We went out we broke up now we're trying again.
我们约会 分手 现在又试着复合
We don't know what's gonna happen.
我们也不知道未来会怎么样
Oh please everyone knows what's going to happen.
得了吧 你们会怎么样大家都心知肚明
But I see your point.
但我懂你们的意思
I think this could be good for you.
我觉得这样对你挺好
Maybe it's time for you to shake things up a bit.
也许你是该有所改变了
You're right.
你说的没错
I should embrace the chaos.
我应该接受无序的世界
Great.
很好
What are you going to do first
那你先要做什么
I don't know.
我不知道
I could do anything.
我什么都可以做
All bets are off.
原来的规则通通丢掉
出自莎士比亚
The world is my oyster.
世界由我主宰
I got it.
我知道了
I'm going to put on my Tuesday pajamas tonight.
我今晚要穿我星期二的睡衣
I got to tell you I'm a little worried about him.
我得说 我有点担心他
If I were you I'd be worried that a girl
如果我是你 我会更担心刚有一个
who's never played chess in her life just kicked your ass.
从没下过象棋的女生 让你输得落花流水这个事实
Howie what happened to you
华仔 你怎么了
We did overnight survival training in the wilderness.
我们通宵在野外进行生存训练
Big fun.
好玩
Big big fun.
超级好玩
I was gonna freshen up for you
我本想在跟你视频之前洗把脸
but I blacked out a little on the way to the bathroom.
但我在去洗手间的路上 晕过去了一小会儿
Survival training
生存训练
Is that like camping
就像露营那样吗
Uh huh.
对啊
Except you don't have food or water
除了没有食物和水
and they don't have a sunset Sabbath service
也不像汉斯·克拉默营那样的
like they do at Camp Hess Kramer.
日出而作 日落而息
Do you sleep in tents
你是在帐篷里睡吗
No.
不是
I slept in a hole
我睡在一个洞里
I dug in the ground with my bare hands.
还是我徒手挖的洞
And at some point during the night
而且晚上的时候
an armadillo crawled in
一只穿山甲爬了进来
and spooned me.
还给了我爱的抱抱
Poor baby.
可怜的孩子
But I did it.
但我做到了
I survived.
我活下来了
I wasn't sure I was going to when the sandstorm hit.
我不知道沙尘暴来时该往哪儿躲
I just pulled my turtleneck up over my head
我只能拉起高领毛衣盖着头
and waited for death.
呆那儿等死
But somehow as I sat there
但当我坐在那的时候
wrapped in a cocoon of my own neck sweat
裹在满是汗味的衣茧里
I found that primal part of the human spirit
我发现了人类精神的真谛
that just wants to keep on living
就是要活下去
no matter what the cost.
无论付出什么代价
You're so brave.
你太勇敢了
I'm proud of you.
我为你自豪
I ate a butterfly.
我吃了只蝴蝶
It was so small
那只蝴蝶好小
and... beautiful
也很美
but I was so hungry.
但我好饿
Are you crying
你在哭吗
No I don't think it's possible.
不 我觉得这不可能
I'm severely dehydrated.
我已经严重脱水了
My pee is like toothpaste.
我的尿就跟牙膏一样稠
Howie if you're not able to do this come home.
华仔 如果你坚持不住 就回家吧
It won't change how I feel about you.
我对你的感觉不会变的
Thanks honey but I can't quit.
谢了 亲爱的 但我不能放弃
If I do I'll just be a guy
不然的话 我就是一个
who had a chance to be an astronaut and gave it up.
有机会成为宇航员 却中途放弃的人
Well is there anything I could do to help
那我能为你做什么吗
No.
没有
Wait. Send more underwear.
等等 再多寄点内裤来
Don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos.
千万别是谢尔顿在打小手鼓
Please don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos.
拜托千万别是谢尔顿在打小手鼓
Hello Leonard do you like my bongos
莱纳德呀 你喜欢我的小手鼓吗
Bet you didn't know that I had bongos.
但我想呀 你没猜到我有小手鼓吧
Sheldon it's 3 00 o'clock in the morning.
谢尔顿 现在是凌晨三点
3 00 in the morning
凌晨三点呀
is a good time for bongos.
正适合弹小手鼓呀
I was sleeping
我刚在睡觉
Leonard sleeps while I play bongos.
莱纳德在睡觉 而我在打小手鼓
No he doesn't.
不 他被吵醒了
Leonard no sleep while I play bongos.
莱纳德被吵醒了 而我在打小手鼓
Bongo solo.
小手鼓独奏
Stop Stop it
停 住手
Stop Stop Stop it
住手 别敲了
What the hell
他妈的怎么回事啊
Penny guess what
佩妮 你猜怎么着
Sheldon got bongos.
谢尔顿有对小手鼓
Why did you get bongos
为什么你会有小手鼓
Richard Feynman played the bongos.
理查德·费曼会打小手鼓
I thought I'd give that a try.
我就想说我也该试试
Richard Feynman was a famous physicist.
理查德·费曼是位著名物理学家
Oh Leonard it's 3 00 o'clock in the morning.
莱纳德 现在是凌晨三点
I don't care if Richard Feynman
我才不管理查德·费曼
was a purple leprechaun who lived in my butt.
是不是我屁股里住着的紫色妖精呢
Penny meant if he were a purple leprechaun.
佩妮是假设费曼是紫色妖精
Penny forgot to use the subjunctive.
佩妮忘记要用虚拟语气了
Sheldon go to bed.
谢尔顿 睡觉去
You have work in the morning.
你明早还有工作要做
Maybe maybe not.
或许有 或许无
Maybe tomorrow I start a bongo band and tour the world.
或许明天我组个小手鼓乐队巡回演出去了
No no hang on uh uh
不不 你等等
Roommate Agreement.
根据《室友协议》
No hootenannies sing a longs
晚十点后不能唱民谣
or barbershop quartets after ten p.m.
伴唱或男声四重唱
Roommate Agreement
《室友协议》
Are you kidding
你开什么玩笑
We are living in a world of chaos.
我们生活在一个无序的世界
Roommate Agreement.
管他狗屁《室友协议》呢
Where are you going
你去哪
Wherever the music takes me kitten.
我要跟着音乐走 喵喵
I play bongos walking down the stairs.
我打着小手鼓呀 下着小楼梯呀
Never play bongos walking down the stairs.
千万不要 边打小手鼓边下楼梯
Surprise.
给你个惊喜
What are you doing here
你在这干嘛
I'm here to help you get through this.
我是来助你度过难关的
You can't do it on your own
你自己做不来的
you need someone to take care of you.
你需要有人来照顾你
Oh I love you so much.
我太爱你了
Oh I love you.
我也爱你
Howard your bath is getting cold
霍华德 洗澡水快凉了
Don't worry once she falls asleep
别担心 一旦她睡着
I'll spoon you like an armadillo.
我会像穿山甲一样给你爱的抱抱
He showed up in the middle of the night with his bongos.
昨晚半夜他带着小手鼓出现
I foolishly thought it was some sort of musical booty call.
我错误以为这是某种音乐求欢方式
Poor guy.
可怜的家伙
He must have been exhausted.
他一定精疲力竭了
Sheldon like to sleep while Leonard play the bongo
谢尔顿想睡着呀 而莱纳德在打小手鼓呀
That was kind of uncalled for.
你这样有点过分吧
No it was called for.
不 一点也不过分
What's going on
怎么回事
All right Sheldon
好了 谢尔顿
this craziness has gone on long enough.
你也该闹够了
Please come home so I can cut your hair.
拜托回家去 让我给你理发吧
Penny you're not trained.
佩妮 你没受过培训
You're not licensed.
你也没有执照
Most importantly you don't have access to my haircut records.
更重要的是 你拿不到我的理发记录
All right honey look
好了 宝贝
we've known each other for a long time now right
我们认识很久了 对吧
I've taken you to Disneyland
我曾带你去过迪斯尼乐园
I kicked a bully in the nuts for you
我帮你踢过欺负你的恶霸的关键部位
I sing you "Soft Kitty" when you're sick
你病了我就给你唱《软猫猫》
you've even saw me naked once.
甚至你有次还见过我的裸体
I'm sorry what
抱歉 你说什么
It was a long story.
说来话长
Anyway Sheldon I promise I know what I'm doing.
谢尔顿 我发誓我不会乱来
Please let me cut your hair.
求你让我帮你理发吧
Amy what do you think
艾米 你认为呢
There's not a hair on my body I wouldn't let this woman trim.
我愿意让她帮我修剪我身上的任何一处毛发
Fine let's go.
好吧 走吧
Thank you for letting me sleep on your couch.
谢谢你让我睡在你的沙发上
There's only so many times a woman can say
很少有女人会一直追着男人问
"How about the bed "
"睡我床上好不好"
What's this about Sheldon seeing you naked
谢尔顿怎么会见过你的裸体呢
Oh relax. It was just her bottom and her breasts.
放心吧 我只看到过她的屁股和乳房
Almost done.
差不多了
At the end of the haircut
每次理完发
Mr. D'Onofrio would tell me a dirty joke.
诺费奥先生都会给我讲个黄色笑话
Sorry I don't know any dirty jokes.
抱歉 我不会说什么黄色笑话
That's okay I never understood them anyway.
没事 反正我也从来没听懂过
Okay what do you think
好了 觉得如何
it's a little Hollywood.
有点好莱坞的感觉
But I think I can pull it off.
不过我觉得我会看习惯的
Well done Penny.
理得不错 佩妮
Ha told you.
早告诉你啦
Okay I'm just gonna clean up your neck a little
只需理一下脖子这块的头发
and then you are good to go. Fun time.
-你就可以走了 -好玩
Sorry sometimes the clippers tickle me.
抱歉 有时这剃刀弄得我好痒痒
Okay.
好吧
Okay yep we're all done now.
好了 大功告成
It's just... it's good.
只是...挺好的
Let me just take that away from you.
让我帮你把这块布拿下来
Okay. Thank you very much.
-好了 -非常感谢
You are welcome.
不客气
Yeah I'm gonna have to move.
看来我非搬不可了
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